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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me I ABU - Pretty sure I am

38 replies

WhoopiGholdbergsGlasses · 09/08/2016 13:44

NC'd for this as quite outing but am a regular.

Me and DP been together 2 years. He has four children whom I adore, we live together, moving to a bigger house in the next few weeks and are building a happy, fun life together. We love each other very very much and talk about marriage regularly.
We would love to get married but he is still currently married to his ExW -Divorce proceedings are starting now, amicably from both of them. All good.
It was my birthday on Friday.
He asked me months ago what I wanted and I had been dropping rather large hints for an eternity ring. (I know, I know) I sent him links to some (Just from Argos, none were more than a tenner because we are skint at the moment with the housemove and I'm a cheap cow )
At first he didn't respond to my messages about it, and when I casually bought it up he said he 'didn't really get it'
I explained that it would mean a lot to me and said that I thought it would be a nice way of showing that, whilst we can't get married at the moment, we are committed to each other.
He was on his phone one evening and said he was looking at the rings, I even told him my ring size. He works round the corner form Argos. So was very much expecting it.

My birthday comes and no ring :(

He didn't say why and I didn't mention it. He got me some makeup I had sent him the link for, which was lovely.

I just feel hurt. I think if I hadn't made it so clear how much it would mean to me I wouldn't be so bothered, but there's no way he couldn't have known.
I casually mentioned if he had thought about getting a ring and he said he hadn't thought about it but it would be nicer for us to get it together.

I don't really see that, I think it means more to go out of your way to do something as a gift. And this was only said after I bought it up, so not sure that was the plan anyway, I think he just couldn't be bothered :(

I am PG at the moment so might be hormones, but I really don't know.
I think it's made worse because I was convinced he would have remembered, I made it pretty obvious. :)
I am torn between speaking to him about how much it would mean to me but sounding like a brat.
AIBU?

OP posts:
CotswoldStrife · 09/08/2016 14:38

I'd take the start of the divorce proceedings as a good sign of commitment, although perhaps not as pretty or obvious as a ring on your finger Grin

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 09/08/2016 14:41

Maybe he's thinking he'd rather get a lovely engagement ring when the time comes, and getting an eternity ring would cheapen how special it was? How long have you been together?

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Flowers Is this your PFB?

hellsbellsmelons · 09/08/2016 14:42

I think he probably wants to get you a better ring than an Argos £10 one!
So let him have a bit of time to save a bit more and then go from there.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 09/08/2016 14:42

Oh meant to say as sign of commitment? S/hes growing in your belly! Smile

Original poster
WhoopiGholdbergsGlasses · 09/08/2016 14:42

Thanks all :)

Agent we have been together just over two years. It is my PFB, not including his brood.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 09/08/2016 14:48

Yikes! 4 kids existing, together for 2 years and now pregnant!
Well you don't hang about do you.

trufflehunterthebadger · 09/08/2016 20:47

Maybe he doesn't want to buy a £10 "eternity" ring. Im aware that i will probably get ripped to shreds but £10 does not say "special ring" and maybe he would rather wait until he can afford to buy you a proper piece of jewellery.

RoboticSealpup · 09/08/2016 20:56

I just feel like I've made a lot of sacrifices for him and it would be an outward way of saying thank you.

Do you want to elaborate on this at all, OP?

Dontyoulovecalpol · 09/08/2016 21:08

I agree with truffle he probably doesn't understand why you want such a cheap ring with so much emotion out onto it? Especially when you've close it and asked for it, it's not as though it means anything to him.

I used to cry at adverts all the time when pregnant so I hear you on that

Mari50 · 09/08/2016 21:16

My suspicions are that things aren't as rosy in the garden as you paint it, why on earth would you be so desperate for a symbol of commitment that's less than a tenner? It's meaningless, especially when the person presenting you with it doesn't want to.

george1020 · 09/08/2016 21:21

Maybe take a step back and take a little time for yourself, especially with hormones all over the place.

Could you give him a bit of space to get over the start of the divorce proceedings and a little space away for you? Everything seems to have moved quite quickly for you both and a little time to just breathe might be a great thing. Then maybe talk to him about a commitment ring/promise of some sort.

DementedUnicorn · 09/08/2016 23:22

Vladimir there's no need for such a hateful, irrelevant comment Hmm

altiara · 09/08/2016 23:57

Whoopi - lots of signs of commitment! Don't rush the man when rings are involved Wink

Enjoy your pregnancy and new house and let things happen as they happen. Your DP just needs some time and who knows what he's planning.

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