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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ab Fab - abusive / narc relationship...?

69 replies

LadyShirazz · 08/08/2016 19:31

Used to love Ab Fab back in the day, and still do unconditionally love Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley. This is a given.

But rewatching series 1 of Ab Fab (reminding ourselves of the plot before seeing the film), and I found it really hard to laugh.

I promise am not some generally anal type looking round for opportunities for offence / kill joying / otherwise reading too much into the most innocuous of things - but ffs poor, poor Saffy.

She's a mere 16 in episode 1, and imagine how bad 15, 14, 13, 12 etc must also have been - alcoholic mum / semi-absent father / malevolent presence in the form of Patsy (clearly resentful of very existence...).

I just couldn't find it funny. I hope she's gone NC in the film.

OP posts:
LunaLoveg00d · 08/08/2016 19:31

You do know it's not real, don't you?

iamavodkadrinker · 08/08/2016 19:33

It sounds like it really isn't the show for you.

Original poster
LadyShirazz · 08/08/2016 19:35

Of course.

But we don't laugh at other forms of abuse - why this...?

People are on here every day suffering still from the real life effects of the non-comedy version.

OP posts:
WeAreGypsy · 08/08/2016 19:36

I think her mother does love Saffy though, admittedly in a somewhat offbeat non-commital way. I agree not the epitome of self-sacrificial motherhood but I dunno it makes a change in presentation of women and she can't have fun if she's cooking dinner and washing up all the time like me lol. I'm not sure her mother is an alcoholic either. But I know what you mean - there is an occasional uncomfortableness

Original poster
LadyShirazz · 08/08/2016 19:40

I don't know - don't most abusive mums love their children, in their own way...?

Stately Homes ladies....?

OP posts:
iamavodkadrinker · 08/08/2016 19:40

I despair sometimes. People literally watch things in order to be offended.

ComputerUserNotTrained · 08/08/2016 19:41

Abuse? Hmm

ABloodyDifficultWoman · 08/08/2016 19:44

You seriously need to learn to separate fact from fiction. Really - you say you're not anal and looking for offence but how do you think this comes over? Hmm

WeAreGypsy · 08/08/2016 19:47

I don't know - don't most abusive mums love their children, in their own way...?

I don't think I ever said I was condoning that but am not getting into an argument on a serious issue at that kind of level of discussion.

WaitrosePigeon · 08/08/2016 19:52

I know what you're saying but I really think we need to remind ourselves that it isn't real (obviously) and there are probably other things we should get pissy about.

contrary13 · 08/08/2016 20:14

Wasn't there a brother, too...?

I might be wrong/thinking of something else entirely, but I vaguely remember watching an episode where Jennifer Saunders character was whining about her son being injured and just how inconvenient it all was...? Something to do with a skiing accident and shattered limbs, if I'm remembering it rightly.

I always felt sympathy towards Saffy though. And although my mother roared with laughter at it... I've never found it funny. Some of it hit too closely to my own life at times.

Sparklingbrook · 08/08/2016 20:23

It's a really daft sitcom That's it really. No overthinking required.

CaptainCrunch · 08/08/2016 20:39

I think it's more to do with the fact it's dated really badly from when it was first broadcast and you're much older and wiser than you were back then.

I remember watching it with other friends in our mid twenties, roaring and swigging red wine, thinking it was hilarious. None of us had dc so didn't really identify with Saffy's situation. Eddie and Patsy are monsters but they're caricatures with very little resemblance to anyone you're likely to meet in every day life.

TaraCarter · 08/08/2016 20:52

OP isn't being that daft.

I watched it as a teenager and always identified very strongly with Saffy for Reasons. I always saw it as laughing at Eddie and Patsy; I suppose I thought it was quite nice to have a show that reflected my life and wasn't just another identikit middle-class-nice-parents with unreasonable-teens as the lovable villains. I loved Ab-Fab, to be honest. I suppose it's gallows humour.

Despite that, I can't watch it now. As an adult, it brings too much back.

thedogsvagina · 08/08/2016 20:59

NEVER look back on a good series/film. Bridget Jones, Sex in the City, Friends and the like all dated badly.

SkydivingFerret · 08/08/2016 21:03

I watched the first episode recently and didn't laugh once, so I agree with you op

Ginkypig · 08/08/2016 21:05

It's funny Iv just re watched it because I want too see the film to and I thought exactly that too!

I know it's a programme and its not real and yes I still find it funny and like the way it showed the dysfunction in a funny way, showing Eddie and patsy as caricatures but in later series's there re a few scenes with saffy talking about her childhood being so neglectful that at three she needed her stomach pumped because she was alone and didn't know what food was ok.

Anyway I'm not taking it too seriously as it is a comedy after all not a documentary!

AdelindSchade · 08/08/2016 21:07

A lot of classic sit coms are based around abusive relationships if you think about it. At least Saffy sticks up for herself I suppose.

FayaMAMA · 08/08/2016 21:16

OP I totally get this. I rewatched before seeing the film too and was just sat in silence (the odd laugh) when I used to be constantly in stitches watching it... I enjoyed the film though so don't worry too much.

I struggled to watch a lot of it if I'm honest as it reminded me what my mother was like just after her divorce, and not in a funny way. I persevered though (it's on netflix, so how could I not?) and found it more enjoyable the more that I watched, still had a niggling feeling about it though.

toomuchtooold · 08/08/2016 21:45

^I don't know - don't most abusive mums love their children, in their own way...?

Stately Homes ladies....?^

I got a prickle up the back of my neck when I read this thread title - I didn't recognise it at the time as NPD wasn't really talked about back then but I think you have it right. I'm going to go back and rewatch some of it.

(My narcissist mother used to joke about how much like Saffy I was.)

TaraCarter · 08/08/2016 22:45

(My narcissist mother used to joke about how much like Saffy I was.)

Same here. My mother saw Ab Fab as a comedy about pernickety daughters who wouldn't lighten up, I think.

SalemSaberhagen · 08/08/2016 22:52

Do the same posters accusing the OP of being professionally offended and pointing out that it isn't real, feel the same about things like FSOG?

acasualobserver · 08/08/2016 22:57

It Ain't Half Hot Mum?
Are You Being Served?

We'd have a problem laughing at those now, wouldn't we?

OP, you have a point.

PsychedelicSheep · 08/08/2016 22:58

Yeah Eddy is clearly a narc. We're supposed to laugh at her ridiculousness though. That was the point wasn't it? I think it's very well observed actually.

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