AIBU yes I prob am but WTF

[dublingirl48653]

hello all
posting here and I am sure many of you will tell me I am being unreasonable

just had my cousin and his nightmare wife over with me for two weeks

firstly - she would not let him sleep in the same room as him so we had to try and set up a sofa bet (grrrrr)

then - she did not pay me the 200stg she owed me for flights
she stood back and let me pay for so many things - when her husband went to pay she said oh we can get it next time

I think I must have coughed up around 500 quid in the last two weeks (much more than expected)!!!

she gave him such a hard time the entire trip
every trip was something she wanted to see
when we stopped to see a gallery, attraction in London she kicked up a fuss
her husband (my cousin) said nothing

so now I am wondering
yes I have been a fool
what do I say next time in this position???
How can I make it clear that I am unhappy with her behaviour and how she is treating my family without starting a fight???

[dublingirl48653]

as always great advice/feedback
their relationship is bulls* I can see why his sisters dont speak to her any more

it is a crazy way to treat someone
just cant get my head around it all

[pluck]

need to figure out how to get her free train travel etc

Oh, she's already figured that out for herself!

[diddl]

How convienient for him that she tells him not to pay-so he doesn't!

Tell him what they owe & if a visit or anything is mentioned in future-just laugh!

[dublingirl48653]

yes true
she is a good person in some ways
i need to realise that I cant travel with them again or we will have a bust up

it is funny in some ways
not funny for my softy cousin though :-/
he is a walk over
in fairness he should have spoke up and took out his credit card

lesson learned

[dublingirl48653]

will look back one day and laugh at all of this

[Birdsgottafly]

Your cousin isn't a Softie, otherwise he would have paid.

""forgot to mention the car she made me hire for 4 days ""

She didn't make you do anything, the choice was yours and as your Family, your Cousins, she is the Guest, he's family.

As for sleeping on the couch, the MN consensus is usually, that the Snorer moves elsewhere.

I hate people who don't object, or go along with stuff, then moan to other people.

They've both treated you badly, but, more so your Cousin.

[TheDevilMadeMeDoIt]

*most of the trip was - ......... - and her asking us to take pictures of her in her hotpants (she is 70)

Is anyone else imagining Julie Walters as Bren's mum in Dinnerladies ?



(Sorry OP, I know it wasn't fun for you.)

[TrickyD]

Hold on TheDevil, I am 72, these are my legs and I think they are quite presentable. I was on holiday and wearing a swim suit though, not hotpants.
(DH took the photo unasked)

[Shizzlestix]

Why didn't you ask for the flight money? More pertinently, why didn't she pay for them? You need to learn to step back and make others pay when it's their turn. You hired a car?!

[dublingirl48653]

yes I hired a car !!!

lesson learned

ha that pic is great
thanks for cheering me up

snorer takes the sofa while on holiday even though he paid for their expensive flights over?? doesnt sound fair

any way
great to hear opinions/tips for future :)

[ComedyWing]

Have you actually asked for the money for the flight?

[Mommawoo]

[TrickyD]

TrickyD blushes gratefully.

[FantasticButtocks]

He didn't pay for the flights over though, did he? You paid. (I think)

No one makes you hire a car. If they said they'd pay for the car hire or contribute, make sure you remind your cousin of that too.

As others have said you can't do anything about your cousin's wife and her attitude. But you can do something about your own boundaries so you don't get treated like this again. There is a book - Where to Draw the Line, setting everyday boundaries, by Anne Katherine, on Amazon. Might help.

[witsender]

Tricky, if my legs were like that at 35 I would wear hotpants day in, day out.

[dublingirl48653]

Tricky I would spend my life in hot pants if those were my legs

Yes def issues with boundaries and feeling like I need to pay for things
Great advice
So when she asks for her really expensive tea to be shipped over I will make her aware of just how much it will cost me on top of everything else

No one made me hire a car there were 13/14 emails from her requesting I get one as she dislikes the tube
I paid for their flights to France my cousin paid for the flights from US

[TuppencePenny]

These are the kind of situations where out of fear of appearing "rude" you enable someone else to be very rude indeed- to you.

Ask for the flight money they owe you.

When she says "oh we can get it next time" say "I got the last thing this is your turn".

People who take the piss are so brazen and unfortunately you have to be the same or you end up out of pocket like you're finding now.

[AcrossthePond55]

So when she asks for her really expensive tea to be shipped over I will make her aware of just how much it will cost me on top of everything else

No, you will tell her how much it will be and that when she sends you the cheque you will then buy and ship it.

If the issue of another visit is brought up again, make it clear with your cousin (not her) that you will not be hosting them again but can provide a list of nice, inexpensive hotels in your area. And that they will need to make their own flight and car rental arrangements.