AIBU to consider selfishly taking this work opportunity?

[ElodieS]

I've just been offered a really great work opportunity, which I'd love to take. It will include a month of working in NYC (I'm in London), and coming home Friday-Sunday when possible. I've always been quite career-minded and have worked very hard to progress fairly quickly. Basically I'd love to take it but would obviously miss my family and I'm worried about the impact it would have on DDs at a time of fairly big upheaval for them anyway.

I have 4 y/o twin girls with CF and am 21 weeks pregnant with DC3. I'd be going to New York when DDs are 3 weeks into Reception, and might be at risk of infection as well as the usual starting school stuff, and I'd be 25 weeks pregnant. DP is very supportive but has a responsible job himself. He's been looking at moving firms for a while and has suggested that if I want to take this opportunity he could resign asap and take gardening leave/career break until the baby arrives.

There's a part of me who thinks that would be awesome and the ideal solution, and another part who thinks DDs need both their parents around at the moment and throwing more disruption into the mix would be really unhelpful.

AIBU to consider taking the really selfish option?

You are leaving them with one of their parents. It's a temporary thing.

Better than thinking what if in years to come. I'd go

Go for it, honestly. It's fantastic that DH can step up and what a great opportunity for your children to have such a great bond with Dad. If you think you can manage it being heavily pregnant then you should definitely do it. I have done similar (although not as exotic as NYC) in that I've taken a second job that requires travel away from home and whilst I miss DH and the kids the job satisfaction I'm getting is second to none and DH copes wonderfully without me (a little too well at times and I feel slightly surplus to requirements but I'm learning to cope with that and see it for the good thing it actually is.)

It's 4 weeks, they will be fine.

As long as the pregnancy and your health allow it, go for it!

And your hubby is awesome

he sounds very keen so is maybe more sick of his job than you realise and actually really wants this.

Your husband has suggested a good compromise. If you can cope as a family with the financial repercussions (if there are any) I'd go for it. It's 28 days, not the rest of the year.

It is only a month and there are many people who work away and you are already planning to pop back on weekends/ every other

You need your DH onboard and if he is supportive you are good to go

Check your work/personal medical insurance for US for maternity emergencies is good and potentially includes repatriation if needed of baby and mother would be my only watch-out (as someone who travels during pregnancy including long-haul my company only can get insurance up to 30 weeks)

I honestly don't see that much of a problem with it, given the fact that you can still communicate and find a reasonable solution for the kids in the meantime.

What a great opportunity, go for it.
Sounds like you've got your DH's full support, I'd definitely go.

Thanks all, that's really encouraging. All being well, I'd be returning to the UK just before turning 30 weeks then wrapping up etc back here before handing over and going on maternity leave, so it could be really good timing. Thank you for the practical tips too pitterpatter.

I know what your mean MrsLouis, there is a part of me that is worried DH will do a bit too good a job without me... Ridiculous thought though. DH is really awesome haze, I'm very lucky.

My big worry is that DDs could get ill at the beginning of term and if one of them needs to be in hospital it would be a total nightmare for DH to manage, even without work. I'd also be really worried too, but couldn't easily just drop everything and be back quickly for 2 weeks, which is how long they'd typically be admitted for. It's quite possible they'll be well though, and we're not usually ones to mollycoddle...

I too think you should take it op. It sounds like a fantastic opportunity and your DH really sounds amazing and supportive. Worst case if it gets really bad then you come back, but make a few back up plans. You can have a back up babysitter or family member just in case DH needs extra hands. But other than that grab these opportunities when they come along

Sounds like he's ready for a change.
It's a good future move although my one concern would be how it would look at the NYC end if you did need to fly back early and if it would be held against you and remembered but it sounds like your OH would manage anyway.

If your DH is 100% supportive, then I'd jump at it. On the scale of the 20+ years that you will be actively parentling your children, 1 month is really quite short, and if it can set you up for a better future for all of you generally, then I'd go for it

I've just moved country for my job, having to have my kids stay 2 months with my parents until DH & I could be in the same city (different notice periods etc). I thought they would suffer and miss us desperately, but they got on fine - once they were very well looked after by people who love them, they were happy out :-) At the start it felt like it would go on for ages, but it actually went really quickly in the end!

I would check what your health insurance coverage is like - you definitely don't want to be pregnant in the US without decent insurance. Make sure you have an OBGYN lined up - some places won't take you on if you're well into your pregnancy.

If a father had this opportunity and his wife was able to take time off to look after the children no-one would be batting an eyelid. Go for it! It is a short-term thing, and the girls will have their dad around properly, without the distraction of work. You sound like a perfect team.

Does DH have any other support? Could parents or friends help him if the DCs did need hospital in those 4 weeks?

I'd do it - but don't see why your DH needs to resign. It's only 4 weeks, he'll manage, and if one of the DCs is ill, he'll have to take time off. If he resigns, it puts a massive pressure on you to succeed.

Do it, a father wouldn't even ask.

It would be the pregnancy that would stop me rather than being away from your others tbh.

Even if you can sort the insurance side, you could potentially end up stuck in the US for much longer.

Go for it, I'm sure your DH can manage even in case of disaster, single parents have to all the time :)

Your DH sounds fab and really supportive. Do it!

What an exciting opportunity!

I would just want to be sure that the career benefits would still be there after your ML. If they are, then I'd go for it.

Can you line up grandparents/friends/relatives to help out at home if needed?

And I'd agree about making sure the insurance is sufficient.

Go for it!

Giving birth in the US is quite expensive, I'd look into it.

But yeah, if your husband is up for it why not.

Thanks all, this is so helpful and encouraging!

We do have family and friends within reasonable distance who could help in an emergency, but who don't/can't really provide regular childcare.

You're right that DP probably wouldn't technically need to give up work Queen, but we're fortunate in that he could financially and it would be great timing since he's looking for a change anyway and could use the time to get his next move organised and help us get ready for the baby.

I get private health insurance through work, although we never use it at home since NHS is awesome, so I'm hoping that would sort me out in NYC but definitely need to look into that and clarify the situation.

I think the career benefits would be huge and would definitely last, both at my current firm and others.

Very exciting!