Aibu to think men have got this very wrong

[pleasemothermay1]

Just watching a thing about these f4j clowns and the guy is going on about how the courts are biased towards women

If fact if he new anything about the law judges will always opt of the status quo they will were they can keep a child in the main home in there own room, school they always known and opt for the parent who dose the majority of childcare 9 times out of 10 that's the mother

So we're has moaning about 50/50 come from often from men who would have been hard pushed to do 20/80 when married but now think they can do 50/50

The rise of more women being bread winners has seen more men get residence however it's till mainly women

So bar mental health issues or neglect I am alway bemused when men say right I am going for custody when they have not don't s jot of childcare the school barely knows who they and would need to up root the children from there home to achieve this

I'd agree with penalties for parents who... decide they won't declare the father on the birth certificate despite choosing said man as the father of their child
If the couple are not married, the mother cannot automatically add the father's name to the birth certificate. He has to attend the registry office with her, or write a letter confirming his wish to be named.
I bet there are thousands more fathers who are not named on the birth certificate because they didn't want to be, or didn't bother, than there are mothers who deliberately omitted a willing father's name.
Being named on the birth certificate confers parental responsibility. I imagine that some unmarried mothers feel that withholding parental responsibility is very definitely in the child's best interests, given what arsehole twats some men can be at times.

How many times do you hear about some pretty shoddy behaviour like affairs

Oh, all the time. The sex of the couple are largely immaterial. If you didn't want to split with your spouse and then discover that he or she wants this AND wants the children to stay with him or her it is bound to be a huge, life changing shock.

emmaroos

Your agreement sounds fantastic.

It may come as a shock though that when the majority of parents split the ideal world they had dreamed up in the event of doesn't materialise.

Many many people manage to split on good terms and do as you have said. But many more split under horrible circumstances where one or the other moves the goal posts.

I think unless you've been there it's very difficult to understand that actually no, the higher earner doesn't want to split the money "they earned" 50/50. That the couple don't want to live on each others doorsteps, that one parent or both will continuously dick the other around forcing more bad feeling etc etc.

I hope you never do split and that if you do you both stick to your decision.my ExH and I had a similar agreement. DD doesn't know who he is when she walks 5 yards from him. Because I stopped contact? Nope. Because he doesn't bother his backside and never did? Yes!

poster Emmaroos Mon 08-Aug-16 20:54:45

Good luck with that but should you split and say start seeing someone you will be surprised about how quickly he will become a dick

My friends ex said this 1 year after they spit I want fridge freezer I paid for back please I won't have another fucking man eating out of my fridge they have two children together when she pointed out that the children need to eat he said let your new fucking boyfriend but a fridge freezer he promptly came with his work van to get it she couldn't be arsed with the constant moaning and let him take it

That's how petty men can be also it's interesting you mention how unfair it would be to your husband if you did split and he had weekends and Hoilday s well ways right for the children is not always fair for the adults

I presume he works full time and long hours so this wouldn't change if you split up so you would split care for your children to either have a nanny or go to a childminder when you could pick them up and do the school run makes no sence to me

Yep...I've been through a split with a previous husband. The split wan't pleasant and we couldn't be said to be on good terms. We didn't have children and it was also easier because we were both working. Even then, the fact that we had a clear understanding of what would be fair before we split (we discussed it when we moved into my flat before we married) was a big help.
My experience was that explaining and understanding in detail what we both thought would be fair while we were still happily together, and being open about how that differed from what we would get if we went through the courts was a big help because it gave us a starting point.
I think you also have to be honest about your judgement of other people and your priorities. What I value in a partner has changed a bit from when I was younger in that character failings I might have overlooked then would be deal breakers now. If you care enough to look, you can see how your partner values the people in their lives, how that changes when they are angered, how generous they are with their time and money, how objective they are in general, what kind of values their wider family has, what kind of friends they have chosen.
Nothing in life is more important than the character of the person you chose to be the other parent of your kids. Not that that's much help to people who know they chose badly, (and I'm not judging anyone because that was something I got very wrong in my previous marriage, but I saved myself by refusing to add kids to the mix) but you have to take responsibility for the choices you make.

Here in NZ, family courts will generally award shared care unless one parent is content to let the other parent have sole care. This is because the courts consider that it is in the best interests of the children for them to be cared for by both parents. The children will typically spend a week at each parent's house in turn.

So if both parents claim custody, the courts will award shared care.

What do family courts in the UK do if this happens?

please He took the fucking fridge. Words fail me.........they really do.

leaving your children without a fridge for their milk... yep loving parent material for sure.

Some men just hate women.

www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/aug/12/tory-mp-philip-davies-claims-uk-legal-system-favours-women-at-mens-rights-event

bump