Do I confront DSis about a ten year long grudge???

[FuggleFoot]

So bit of a back history, DSis and I haven't had the best relationship - we were fine until a major falling out about 10 years ago but I thought we'd worked through it, stay in touch, see each other at family things, birthdays etc. We're not mega close and the rift never really completely healed but I thought were ok. We are very different personalities, I will easily move on with things and leave past in the past, she will hold a grudge for a long time.
The disagreement we'd had I felt was a huge breach of trust from her in which she found out I'd had an abortion a few years earlier and took great offence at this. She told the rest of our family and I was left to deal with the fall out with my parents who are quite religious. We all moved on I thought.
I was just looking through her facebook photos over the past 8 years and noticed that any photos of the family she had up, I am cut out of - she has 'untagged' herself from any of our wedding photos or anything I have ever put up including her. These are photos in which I know I was there and she has deliberately cut me out or removed herself from. There is no reference whatsoever to me, my family or even that she has a third sister and a niece and nephew. Lots and lots of photos and comments about how much she loves the other two sisters and their children etc but it is as if I, and my family, don't exist.
Part of me wants to confront her - I do still feel a bit betrayed from happened years earlier and her (and the wider family's) lack of understanding about the extremely hard, difficult and challenging decision I took - but I decided it was better to move than to try to find a resolution we all agreed on (i.e. sort of agree to disagree type thing) -At that time I was in a very bad place and needed my family's support - my parents though upset did support but she judged, blamed and made the whole thing about herself. I am not proud of it in any way but under the circumstances I still feel I made the right decision. We fell out, tried to talk it through and I thought had drawn a line and agreed to move on. I strongly suspect this elimination of me from her 'FB' life is related to this. This saddens me but part of me thinks I really cannot be bothered to drag up the past again now. Since then I have got married to my amazing dh, have two wonderful children, a brilliant career and am very happy. However, I hate tension and underlying issues. Maybe I am making too much of this? My gut feeling is this is still the issue and I remain 'unforgiven'. This accompanied with other aspects such as not invited to some family gatherings, excluded from information (such as when my dad was taken into hospital - apparently she remembered to tell the other two Dsis but forgot to tell me) make me feel she is still holding this grudge and punishing me somehow. Do I confront this or do I leave it? Am I over thinking this?

Sorry OP but I'd have to disagree that she's not a bad person. She's shown herself to be judgemental, deliberately cruel and spiteful and to have committed fraud. I don't see her as occupying any moral high ground.

She sounds awful and is definitely the one in the wrong so I think I would de friend her from facebook and at the next family doo just be civil but don't give her anything else, not worth it.

I'd not confront her. I think if she was interested in being a better sister, she'd not have been so childish to cut you out like that, while being nice to your face.

I know it can hurt when you get cut out by a sister. I think my sis still harbours stuff from years ago, but I've had to park it up as I can't make her behave the way I'd like her to.

I'm in a similar situation, but after being treated like shit one time too many, that's it. I've moved on, she's out of my life and I feel loads better. I think you will too op.

She sounds horrible. Really, really nasty. I can't see the point of confronting her. It won't achieve anything. I'd be polite to her but not invest any time or energy in her. IYSWIM
It's sad that it might mean you see less of your nieces and nephews.

How close are ou to your other sisters?

I feel so sorry for you. It's a shit situation and you can't really do anything about it.

I'd keep it light and on the surface. Concentrate on your other sisters. I cannot believe anyone would be so petty to go through all their photos.

If she did go through your med records then your a better woman than me, I would have got her fired.

It is only with retrospect I am thinking about the situation with Dad, at the time I had given her the benefit of the doubt, and as for family gatherings, my children are younger than others in the family so put it down to wanting a more 'adult' focus. My other DSis's haven't really gotten involved and we've not had a conversation about it in years. At the time they were supportive of me and supportive of her given some of the struggles she had had- they've always been quite neutral. Mum has let a few things slip in the past that DSis has said which has made me question my naivety to trust her but then I've just put them aside. I tend to take people on face value and try to give people the benefit of the doubt but running out of ways to explain or understand DSis now. What I don't want is to cause a massive family row, which I think I potentially could do if I pushed it. Walking away from it may be the better solution all round. The more I think about it the more I guess she is baiting me for a reaction maybe - she probably hadn't intended me to be so blind to it all for so long!!!

I am afraid not everyone gets on with their siblings like they do in films .As an adult you have to accept that and move on .As you can probably guess that's how it is for me but also ,Ive noticed ,an awful lot of sisters .I cant see the point in you confronting her - it's not going to change anything .You can still keep up with the rest of the family and just be polite but distant if she's there as well .Why should you and your family be the ones to miss out?.That strategy will probably annoy her the most as well xx

Wow, so she broke the law to find out?! Wtf. You really should report it. If not, get a friend to do it. Can you imagine how many other people she's "checking up" on?

If she works in a medical setting and has found out through snooping through your medical records I would put a formal complaint in to her employer.

I work in a GP surgery. Confidential is one of the most important things. Not only would I want to know that my staff have been insensitive and behaving inappropriately (to prevent them doing it again), I would come down on them like a ton of bricks (and in all honesty have them sacked on grounds of gross misconduct). It is not on - in that setting you are in a position of trust.

^^confidentiality

What a nasty, nasty person she sounds.

You were in an awful position and having found out, she should have supported and helped you but instead, she made things even worse for you! I would just be civil to her and mourn the relationship privately.

I would let it lie, my sister is tricky - though not as underhand and nasty as yours.

On a side note, for someone who is religious, she's not being very Christian is she?! It makes me laugh that those who are the most religious, tend to be the least forgiving. In my whole life, I've only known of one person who'd I consider a true Christian, she was kind, thoughtful and forgiving. She was truly one of a kind.