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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be unsure about talking to dp

27 replies

MyNameIsPenny · 07/08/2016 17:56

Dp and I are flying for our holiday in a weeks time. The last holiday we had was 3 years ago.
Dp is an overweight man and on our last flight he found the plane seat a real squeeze and had to very uncomfortably wear the seat belt which was extremely tight.
He has gained weight since then and I'm worried he won't be able to do the seat belt up this time and will have to ask for an extension. He will be very embarrassed by having to do this but I am almost certain he will have to.
Part of me thinks he must have thought about this and just doesn't want to think more about it until he has to. But the other part of me is worried he hasn't actually thought ahead and will be genuinely shocked at not being able to do up the belt.
Should I bring it up or leave it?
I know bringing it up now won't change anything or make the belt fit so is it worth talking about?

OP posts:

PeekAtChu · 07/08/2016 17:59

I wouldn't bring it up now, just discreetly ask the air crew for an extender when you board.

Amelie10 · 07/08/2016 18:01

I'm not sure why you are unable to bring this up with someone you are in a long term relationship with. Anyway if you really feel u comfortable, leave it and he will have to speak up on the flight and sort it with the flight staff. Don't ask discreetly for an extender on behalf of him, that's even more insulting.

WilLiAmHerschel · 07/08/2016 18:05

If it was my dp I would bring it up beforehand so he could be prepared. He may have thought of it but he may not. If I was big and got on a plane and it turned out I needed an extender, I think I'd be very embarrassed. Much better to know in advance and be able to discreetly ask I think.

I wonder if you look on the airline's website you might be able to find the info on seatbelt length in advance.

Sparklesilverglitter · 07/08/2016 18:10

I wouldn't bring it up. He must know the seat beat was tight last time so one would assume he has thought about this.

He can ask for an extender discreetly on the plane.

Isetan · 07/08/2016 18:10

I know you mean well but he's an adult, don't treat him like a child. His size and the necessary adjustments that he has to make to accommodate it, are his responsibility.

BoGrainger · 07/08/2016 18:28

Can't you just joke about it? Squeeze the fat and say let's hope the plane gets off the ground ok.
If he's sensitive about his weight and is trying hard to lose it, I can sort of understand your concern but he's an adult and capable of understanding the possible embarrassment without you saying anything. Don't let it worry you

Mouikey · 07/08/2016 18:50

This happened to me in the past (I've since had wls), and I was devestated. Two tips, ask the stewardess as you get on the plane so she can discretely bring it to you and don't book an emergency exit seat or row 1 as you will need to move (they won't let you use an extender in these rows). Don't make a big deal over it as he will probably feel terrible.

NerrSnerr · 07/08/2016 18:52

I would talk to him. You're in a grown up relationship- you should be able to discuss things that are worrying you.

lollipop28 · 07/08/2016 19:22

I would definitely talk to him.

ImperialBlether · 07/08/2016 19:26

Squeeze the fat and say let's hope the plane gets off the ground ok.

That's TERRIBLE advice!

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 07/08/2016 19:34

I really don't see the point in talking about it, it will just make him feel bad before you go - it's not like he can lose enough weight in a week to make a difference.

The air flight staff will be well used to it, I suggest he just asks when he gets on. If my husband brought something like that up a week before flying I would take it as personal slight, rightly or wrongly it comes out like you don't think he knows he's big and you're hoping it's the wake up call he needs.

gonetoseeamanaboutadog · 07/08/2016 19:40

Bo I am very glad I don't know you in RL!

justilou · 07/08/2016 21:40

The cabin crew will bring one to him - then it won't be you bringing it up and risking hurting his feelings.

LemonSqueezy0 · 07/08/2016 23:29

He's an adult and can handle it.. I do think yabu talking about arranging an extender belt to save him embarrassment but you should feel comfortable enough to talk to him in an open and honest way about healthy lifestyle changes in general.

SomedayBaby · 07/08/2016 23:31

Squeeze the fat and say let's hope the plane gets off the ground ok

That's TERRIBLE advice

I am PMSL right now

MermaidTears · 08/08/2016 08:46

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/like/252347151678?lpid=122&chn=ps&googleloc=9044947&poi=&campaignid=620865095&device=m&adgroupid=27378760866&rlsatarget=pla-181484351826&adtype=pla&crdt=0&ul_ref=http%253A%252F%252Frover.ebay.com%252Frover%252F1%252F710-134428-41853-0%252F2%253Fmtid%253D1673%2526kwid%253D1%2526crlp%253D110919892746_563391%2526itemid%253D252347151678%2526targetid%253D181484351826%2526device%253Dm%2526mpre%253Dhttp%25253a%25252f%25252fwww.ebay.co.uk%25252fitm%25252flike%25252f252347151678%25253flpid%25253d122%252526chn%25253Dps%2526adtype%253Dpla%2526googleloc%253D9044947%2526poi%253D%2526campaignid%253D620865095%2526adgroupid%253D27378760866%2526rlsatarget%253Dpla-181484351826%2526gclid%253DCjwKEAjw26C9BRCOrKeYgJH17kcSJACb-HNAomrd_AYiblszPypAu-Gws_baQpRSPpM4fMF7H0bzPBoC2Ynw_wcB%2526srcrot%253D710-134428-41853-0%2526rvr_id%253D1073555675128. Maybe take your own in dh hand luggage....maybe make a little joke about the belts always being tight, so you thought you'd get him one. (Obviously he knows he is fat, but might spare him some feelings). My best friend takes her own extension belt on all flights

AnUtterIdiot · 08/08/2016 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoahVale · 08/08/2016 09:18

well I think Squeeze the fat etc., is funny

ReginaBlitz · 08/08/2016 09:33

You say he has put more weight on Since last time, stop bloody feeding him so much ! Unless he is happy being a chubber then that's fine, and I'm sure he won't be offended when you speak to him about it. If he was uncomfortable last time and it upset him then really he should have tried to lose weight not gain it. (Apologies if he has a medical condition.)

NoahVale · 08/08/2016 09:35

i dont think he really needs you to tell him, unless you want to remind him in a lighthearted jokey fashion.
his memory of it will be the same, worse, than yours. He Knows what's coming.

QuiteLikely5 · 08/08/2016 09:37

I'm certain he will know, just do nothing, he's an adult now

pictish · 08/08/2016 09:37

Can't you just joke about it? Squeeze the fat and say let's hope the plane gets off the ground ok.

Yes, if you want to make him feel like an utter sack of shit, do this.
If not, don't. He can deal with this himself when he gets on the plane.

Ellioru · 08/08/2016 09:44

Look, you know your DP best you should have an idea how sensitive he is or how to word it if you've been together for awhile. Your DP is probably already thinking about it but unsure how to bring it up too. Once it's been discussed he might be a bit upset over his weight but I can guarantee he'll feel so much better not having to worry about it.

I'm quite overweight myself and it really pisses me off when people beat around the bush and aren't direct. "Oh, you might not be able to do that.. Because um... You're a bigger girl". I'm fat, not blind.

NoahVale · 08/08/2016 10:12

i had to have one, when I was pregnant, that was embarrassing enough.

rollinghedgehog · 08/08/2016 12:49

I would say it might not be an issue. Not all planes have the exact same size seats/belts (even if it's the same airline) so you MIGHT be okay - no point worrying about it until it happens. Work it out as soon as you board and ask the cabin crew discretely before everyone is seated.

If you are worrying a lot and want to bring it up I would suggest going in the vein of "When we went to X the seats were tiny weren't they? I hope they're not like that this time." and go from there.

In either case, you can make it sound like an issue with the plane rather than him.

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