If you want my advice I would......NO I BLOODY DON'T WANT IT! Please come and share your 'smug parenting' experiences

[Fingle]

Honestly had my fill of it today from family members, the subtle, snide comments about what they do with their apparently 'perfect' children, the uninvited 'advice' about how to deal with our toddler, ongoing passive aggressive comments about what we say or do with our children. I spent the whole day smiling and nodding and refusing to be drawn in but inside was raging. I have been given 'advice' on the words I use, the tone I use, the nicknames I call my children (at 3 and 6 they are too old for nicknames), what rules I have (too harsh), what I let them get away with (ironically too much given the previous comment), how I deal with problems or arguments, potty training, eating, smiling, eye contact, physical contact (apparently I'm too tactile) to name but a few... You'd think I have horrors when actually I have two perfectly lovely dc's who can be a handful but 99% of the time are very polite, well mannered and well behaved children! Can anyone make me feel any better with any advice on how to handle in the future or any experiences they have had?

He only cries so much because you keep picking him up and cuddling him. You are spoiling him. Let him cry and he will soon give up

Said by my nan AND my MIL about my 2 week old ds.

I didn't listen much to their frustration.

Or I had this lovely thing today. Three year old Dd stayed at my nans last night. I sent her with clothes but didn't realise it was going to be so hot today. Went to collect her and Dd was wearing just a t-shirt. A longish t-shirt that stopped just below her bottom but a t-shirt nonetheless. Went to put a pair of trousers on her and got told off. "All girls in my day wore dresses that short. She's fine as she is"

Again I didn't listen and quickly whipped some trousers on her before we left. Nan wasn't happy

My sisters MIL has come out with a few, she is hilarious.
she told my sister her baby had reflux because she was washing his bottles in the dishwasher.
She also asked her, "how will the baby know who his mother is, he will probably think the childminder is his mother now" When my sister returned to work (at one year and was only going back part time!)

Next time you have a family do, go on your own, when questioned on the whereabouts of dcs announce that you sent them to boarding school to be brought up properly and enjoy the looks on people's faces

Oly5. Up there with unwanted advice is being smug. It worked for you and your children - that makes you lucky not better

Oly5, our first was a total dream sleeper (slept 13 solid hours at 8 weeks!) so DD2 was a bit of a shock to the system! But they are all different and I live in hope she will one day sleep all night. I also assume that she won't sleep in with us until adulthood... Haha. But I refuse to 'train' her as per advice from well meaning friends and family who seem to think I don't know what I'm doing since we let our baby sleep in our bed.

I am depriving my children by bringing them up vegetarian and the second they sniff bacon I will never see them again!

Walking through town with 2yo dd who was having a tantrum. It was hot and an old woman kept trying to stop us to tell us dd was thirsty and needed a drink. Uh no she's crying because we wouldn't let her take everything from the shop we'd been in. She's made it to two without dying of thirst so we're obviously doing something right!

Oh yes the potty training advice. Until my dear dear best friend said ' stop stressing she won't still be shitting herself on her wedding day' I could have kissed her until she added ' probably'

Woman in cafe laughing at my autistic six year old saying rude shit about him to the women behind the counter because he was having a bad day today and crying out.

Nice lady who worked there came up and said how uncomfortable she felt hearing it and asked my son's name and addressed him personally and helped him choose a gingerbread man.

Lovely woman, really made a huge difference to our day.

My best friend called at about 7pm for a chat. I called him back at 10 because my DS was fighting sleep (I let him nap too long in the day so totally my fault but anyways). So I said, "sorry, DS just fell asleep!" And best friend who has no children and has almost never been around children replies, "I know you don't want to hear it but you're just going to have to put him in a dark room by himself and walk away". We did child-raising 101 there and then and he's never mentioned it again.

MIL (who is actually lovely before anyone gets upset) likes to make a lot of irritating suggestions as though she's not suggesting anything. I say I'm worn out today and it's, "well I just put my kids in their room for an hour every day while I had some time to myself". Ah so easy. Different temperaments are not taken into account. If I put DS in his room for an hour and wandered off he'd be beside himself! Also bring tired doesn't mean I don't want to be around my son, just that I'm tired. Oh oh, and the pregnancy ones from MIL grate the most. I don't have alcohol/eat Brie/whatever and it's, "oh that sort of thing wasn't in in my day". Ugh! It's not "in" now either! Last time I said, yeah but infant mortality isn't really in now either.

MrsBob that's awful, what a mean thing to do. I'm glad the assistants were nice to you both

My LO is now 8 weeks and I've already had the following advice on top of the usual she needs feeding/changing tips:

• she needs a cuddle, can I help you with that?
• she's only 5 weeks, that's too young to have left the house
• she doesn't like lights, you should try a blanket over the pram
• she's crying because her spine isn't straight and you should pay for a private chiropractor! (This was in the doctors after she'd just had her 6 week check!)

This was many years pre-DC at an old boyfriend's parent's house. His uncle and aunty were visiting with their new baby. For about half an hour, Aunty had been dropping heavy hints that it had been a busy day for baby, baby was tired and they needed to leave soon. Boyfriend's Mum says baby is hungry. Baby was getting unsettled, so Aunty starts to gather things together, explaining he's tired and will sleep in the car. Boyfriend's Mum says baby is hungry. Aunty takes baby from BF's Mum, lays baby in car seat and turns away for just a second to get something. BF's Mum picks baby out of car seat and tells Aunty to get his bottle because he's hungry.

Aunty stands her ground and they leave with baby unfed, but you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. To make matters even worse, Aunty had only married into the family a few years back and had only met BF's Mum a handful of times.

Fortunately, things didn't work out with that boyfriend, so I never had to find out what she'd be like with a grandchild!

MY DM insisting that my DD between about 6 and 10 months was looking far too fat, and then in the next sentance worrying that she didn't eat food, just played with it, never got above the 9th centile and only survived on BM. Make your mind up woman!

When DD was about a month old, I had to take her in a sling on public transport to a hospital appointment. It was below zero and sleeping heavily and the bus home was half an hour late. I think I was told by people in the queue withe me severally zillion times that I should have driven (I CANT) or should have got a taxi (I CANT MANAGE THE CAR SEAT ON MY OWN) or called my mum for help (IT WOULD TAKE HER UNTIL 3am TO DRIVE HERE). And breeeeeeeathe .

DD was fine, and totally unperturbed by her layers of snuggly clothing.

Fingle, just breathe deeply and ignore them all. I think you hit the nail on the head by saying that you are a professional working with children. They're probably trying to show you how much little they know. Irritating people.
My advice (hahaha) would be to not attend or go without the children.
I hate smug people.

Another one. I came home the same day as having DC1 and a day or so later a midwife came out to check on us. "What are you doing inside on a nice day like this?" she asked, "you should get dressed, put DS in his pram and go for a walk, it's good for you both". She also discharged us to the clinic half a mile down the road for our next appointment.

A few days later, at the clinic, I was given quite a telling off for walking "all the way there" with baby and told to go home and rest.

At this point I realised that most of the advice was no more than personal opinion and could be safely ignored!