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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what happens when you get to 3

46 replies

MyAmDeryCross · 05/08/2016 21:25

I've got a lot of mileage out of "I'm going to count to three".

Daddy, as a last resort, says he will have to get mummy to count to three.

I'm concerned about what I will have to do if I ever have to count to three and can't bluff.

Calling on the infinite wisdom of mumsnet for tips.

OP posts:

1Catherine1 · 05/08/2016 23:07

I'm very jealous of all these parents who have never got to 3... Especially those with teenagers. Please master, sort out my child!

I am a secondary school teacher and strike fear into teenagers and am often used as a threat by other teachers, yet my own child has no problem letting me get to 5 and smirking. I never do the two-and-a-half etc... bit though.

LBOCS2 · 05/08/2016 23:20

This.

1Catherine1 · 05/08/2016 23:53

lol, loved it LBOCS2!

BlackeyedSusan · 06/08/2016 00:01

he gets fined a pound. he can earn it back by being quiet and doing what I wanted in the first place.

nokidshere · 06/08/2016 00:02

My oldest is almost 18 now and I have never got to 3 it still works even now bless him

My 14 year old on the other hand... I could count to 100 and gave a consequence for each number and he still wouldn't take any notice!

Ive always had to had different strategies for them

DoJo · 06/08/2016 00:14

Mine hates the count so I only have to threaten it to get compliance. I try to save it for when I'm out of other ideas, but when I'm closer to the brink I will utter 'do I have to count' and that does light a fire under him!
I also so the slightly less serious 'do/stop doing that right now or I will think of something that you won't like as a consequence' which usually works as well. I do try and have an idea of what the punishment will be though as the times I've freestyled it in the heat of the moment I've always come out with such guff that we've both felt punished by the outcome.

CodyKing · 06/08/2016 00:23

You should always count down not up - you can't count lower but there's always higher

When mine ask what happens - I'll say do you want to find out?

Never got there either

MsJamieFraser · 06/08/2016 06:35

I count to 5, only ever got to 4, and they then do what I've demanded from them.

JustMarriedBecca · 06/08/2016 06:58

DD is 21 months. When I count from 3 she says 2,1 really quickly before me and looks pleased with herself. She sometimes shouts GO afterwards too. I blame nursery.

Iwasjustabouttosaythat · 07/08/2016 20:11

I guess it has to change with age. I started this when DS was about 18 months old and desperately wanted to do things himself, so the consequence was taking away his autonomy. Refuse to put shoes on? I'll put them on then. Refuse to get in pram? I'll put you in the pram. This instilled a healthy respect of the counting to 3.

Now he is older though, through the 2s up to 3 I've been able to relax it a bit. If I get to 3 he gets the biggest tickle ever. I admit this is very hard when I'm in a really foul mood but it absolutely does put everyone in a better mood and gets the job done. We rarely get to 3 though. I do the old, "do I have to start counting?" And he runs to his car seat etc.

If I can see he's in a cheeky mood and likely to let me keep counting I ask him half way through if he knows what will happen and tell him I've got my tickle fingers on. A squeezy hand motion illustrates this nicely and gets him moving.

Oh but in the evening if I'm really exhausted and he keeps clamping his jaw on the toothbrush and sucking all the paste off and I feel like I'll never get to bed myself, I do the taking a book away thing. I do explain that this is because there's a finite amount of time to read books and he's choosing to chew on a toothbrush instead, but this consequence also works. Obviously I count a bit higher than 3 in this situation. All those teeth...

Witchend · 07/08/2016 20:24

I go backwards. So it's get to zero. it also depends on how quickly I want them to go as to what I start from.
So if it's "get in the car we should have left 5 minutes ago" I might start from 3. If it's a "you should have tidied your stuff away do it quickly" then I might go from 10. And the numbers move slower the more work they do.

Very very rare to get to zero, but if it looks likely I give them a consequence before I get there so they know what is happening. It could be a "we won't go to X afterwards" or "I will throw away anything left out".

GiddyOnZackHunt · 07/08/2016 20:33

We used to put something in the cupboard of doom with dd. Based upon her obsession of the week. Rarely got to 5 though.
DS doesn't give a hoot what gets put in the cupboard so he has to go to his room for 5 minutes (doubled for every refusal to go).

5moreminutes · 07/08/2016 20:52

Counting to 3 is a signal that all bets are off IMO - its short hand for "I've had enough, I'm not being indulgent and tolerant any more/ at the moment/ this time, we're not messing about now, you will do as you have been asked to now"

It's just a better alternative to yelling "Stop it / Be quiet/ Come here/ Get your shoes on Right Now This Very Moment!"

It doesn't really work with "natural consequences" (which are the most effective kind) unless you make it "If I get to 3 there won't be time for"... or the natural consequences are of the action they were doing/ not doing which prompted you to have to count to 3...

I'm trying, I think, to say that the consequences are not consequences of having got to 3, the counting to 3 is just shorthand for "really meaning" whatever you said before the counting....

So there are no consequences specifically of getting to 3...

I have only ever started to say thhhrrrr.... very slowly and menacingly, I've never got to eeeee in 11 years of parenting :o

HeCantBeSerious · 07/08/2016 20:52

Explains a lot. I'm horrified by your blade use of discipline through fear both at home and at school.

HeCantBeSerious · 07/08/2016 20:54

*blase

Idliketobeabutterfly · 07/08/2016 20:55

I do the consequence.

tibbawyrots · 07/08/2016 21:07

I (through PND after a late miscarriage) found that my tears worked wonders. I wouldn't advocate it as a method, but my daughter, on seeing me cry, would give in immediately.

I wasn't crying on purpose but through despair. :(

Long time ago now though. My daughter is 20 and sensible. I wish I had been like her at 20! :)

maggiethemagpie · 07/08/2016 21:11

It would be the naughty step after 3 in our house. Usually I count to 10, for getting the children to come up stairs, and do the 9 and a haaaalf, 9 and three quarters trick but by then they're usually half way up so just need a bit longer.

cardibach · 07/08/2016 21:13

HeCantBeSerious you can't be serious, surely?
'Strikes fear into the hearts' does not mean actual use of fear - it's shorthand for 'makes them do whatt they are told'. I don't see anywhere the poster mentions fear in relation to her DC.

Sleeperandthespindle · 07/08/2016 21:14

I usually state the consequence after '1'. So '3 means no story tonight' or '3 will be no ice cream' or whatever is appropriate at the time. Very rarely get to 3.

HeCantBeSerious · 07/08/2016 21:15

HeCantBeSerious you can't be serious, surely?
'Strikes fear into the hearts' does not mean actual use of fear - it's shorthand for 'makes them do whatt they are told'. I don't see anywhere the poster mentions fear in relation to her DC.

She threatened to smack a child (to frighten them) and uses a naughty chair in a garden shed for a 5 year old. Sounds pretty much like using fear to me.

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