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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To just stick them on a train?

41 replies

DryAsRain · 04/08/2016 21:14

I abhor my XH, he's a cheating, lying twat but we share custody of 2 DDs (14 & 16)

XH has continued with his cheating ways and has cheated on OW who has been his wife for years with another woman, who is pregnant which is why he's had to come clean.

He & his current wife have had fertility issues, so right now it's all very dramatic, however he was due to have the DDs for 2 weeks starting this Saturday. We live in the South, he lives in London, it's almost a 2 hour train ride but the DDs have done it for years on their own with someone waiting at the other end.

DH & I have a trip booked for Saturday afternoon, we'll be gone for 10 days.

XH has just called and cancelled on the DDs as he has to save his marriage, his current wife wants to stay with him, she just has to learn to trust him and make sure he respects her etc etc & he can't do that with his DDs around

I've told him tough luck, they'll be waiting for him at the station at the allotted time, if he's not there they'll catch a bus & go straight to his house, then I hung up and haven't picked up any of his calls since.

DH thinks I'm a little insane to do that, DDs are up for it as they just want to leave our boring village & go to London.

Would it be alright to just stick them on a train?

OP posts:

ClopySow · 05/08/2016 06:46

The only child abandonment here is on his part.

His circus, his monkeys. Let him deal with it.

eurochick · 05/08/2016 07:13

They are 14 and 16 with grandparents nearby!

Lunar1 · 05/08/2016 07:17

The op wouldn't be the one abandoning her children.

Nanunanu · 05/08/2016 07:35

Are they mature enough 14 snd 16 year old to leave home alone?

If not you must phone the gp's. Tell them dd's are coming down for 2 weeks. Are they around as they'd love to see you. We're on holiday but just wanted to check you have our mobile numbers.

Exh has mentioned that he has some sorting out to do and might not be able to have them as much as originally planned. Is it OK if they stay with you a couple of days if really needed? I'm sure exh with explain it all to you when he sees you.

Thanks!

And if they are away. And you think they are not mature enough to leave at home alone. You really need to have it out with exh if you need this break.

sashh · 05/08/2016 07:49

All you need to tell the GP's is that you are going away, your dds will be with their dad and will probably want to see them.

Thisisnotausername · 05/08/2016 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

footballmum · 05/08/2016 08:09

You at least need to check that the GPs will be around for the 10 days that you're away, because if they're not, what then? I don't see why you can't call them and if they ask for details tell them to discuss it with their DS.

Fourarmsv2 · 05/08/2016 08:15

How friendly are you with ex-H's DW? Could you talk to her?

rookiemere · 05/08/2016 08:20

Your ex is a twunt - but I guess you know that already, that's why he is your ex. How convenient that the sorting out of his marriage absolutely must take place at the same time as your child free trip with your DH and his opportunity to spend bonding time with his two DDs, what an absolutely incredible coincidence - not.

Sorry but yes you need to speak to the GPs. Give them the minimum of details but say that EXH has left you in an impossible situation with the DDs and could they have them instead. Personally I'd make that the plan A rather than Plan B as the ex sounds unstable and the marital situation not one you'd choose to leave DCs in the middle of for a week.

MrsRaegan · 05/08/2016 08:27

Honestly? Your acting like a bit of a dick. So they get there, it's bloody horrible for them stuck in the middle of a marriage breakdown. They head to Gps who have headed off on holiday cause they know nothing.. Then what?

Ameliablue · 05/08/2016 08:51

Maybe I'm misreading but it doesn't sound as if the op expects the gps to look after daughters, just let them in to their father's house which they have a key for.

Sequentialchoring · 05/08/2016 09:09

I can understand why you feeling like doing this op, but I couldn't go on holiday and enjoy it without knowing what was happening to my dds.

Could you take your dds on holiday with you and your dh?

And I can't believe the number of posters saying "do what the dc want".

Of course a 16 yr old and a 14 yr old are going to be up for a visit to London when the focus of their father (if he is there) may not be fully on them! Even if he is around he is hardly going to be in a position to supervise them properly with everything that is going on and the atmosphere will be awful. That's another reason why I wouldn't let them go.

This all depends on whether their gps are hands on or not of course (and whether they are going to be there then too).

Whatever happens the dds shouldn't be made to feel that they are in the way or spoiling anyone's holiday.

Crap situation for you though obviously

Onthecouchagain · 05/08/2016 11:24

I personally I think it's crazy putting two kids in a train and not knowing exactly what's waiting on the other end.

Just because Dads a twat doesnt give you licence to be equally reckless with your childrens well-being.

Buggers · 05/08/2016 11:30

Ring grandparents say the dc were very excited to go to London but your exdh has cancelled last minute and ask if they would mind having them at theirs.

notinagreatplace · 05/08/2016 11:36

I think, if I were you, I’d do it – but I would text your ex the day before to say: “Just to confirm, DDs will be on X train to you tomorrow.” And then again when they’ve got on the train. I think, if you do that, he will cope. Or your DDs could text to confirm instead, if you think that would work better.

Given that the way you’ve left it with him, you’ve made clear that you’ve not agreed to his change of plans and are putting your DDs on the train, I think he’ll be expecting them.

Blu · 05/08/2016 11:37

If your kids are up for it, and will probably spend a lot of time out of the house AND the Gps are primed, I think it is fine.

It is their father's responsibility, not sure why you should cancel a holiday. But the kids need to be confident, and know they can go to Gps at any point.

Maybe cut it short to the 10 days you are away rather than 2 weeks.

Have they got other relatives of yours they could go to near home, if needs be? And open return tickets and / or access to enough money for train tickets?

Text them every day.

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