To think I'm not 'lucky'

[GettingScaredNow]

That ex pays maintenance!

My friend has been quite supportive through my extremely difficult and abusive divorce. And we were chatting yesterday and I divulged that ex has voluntarily paid maintenance according to the CSA calculator. But, there's a massive ulterior motive for him.

He needs to apply for a Visa based on right to family. And the home office want proof that he sees the children and pays maintenance. So it's in HIS interest to pay a decent amount and pay it on time.
He will be in the visa system for the next 5+ years and will need to show proof for that time frame that he has paid every single week. So I'm guaranteed maintenance for the next 5+ years.
My friend outright said me and my kids are lucky for this and should be grateful to him.
I get that many many women have trouble getting maintenance out of their ex's but I'm not lucky!

It annoyed me that I am supposed to be acting/feeling grateful about this. I am not ungrateful for the money, but this isn't him being a great dad. This is him doing what he has to for himself, again.

Time I don't think the OP is worrying about his motives, she's just voicing that she's a bit pissed off that her friend thinks she's lucky.

You are not being unreasonable.

The idea that women should feel 'lucky' that men do the bare mimimum legally required of them in terms of financial support is ridiculous. That money is your right. The fact that many men behave so disgracefully with child maintenance does not mean that those who don't are some kind of glorious manna from heaven for their ex-partners. They are simply doing the minimally right thing, but that is often still less than what the mothers of the children are committing, financially, emotionally and temporally. Until we have higher expectations of men, we are not likely to get the equality we deserve.

Actually that money is the right OF THE CHILDREN, and it's HIS responsibility towards HIS children to ensure they have a decent enough upbringing.

But somehow, it's always about grabby exwifes that wants all the money for themselves

Maybe the comment should be that HIS children are lucky he is paying towards THEIR upbringing....

Children have a moral and legal right to financial support from their parents, regardless of the relationship between the parents. Are you "lucky" that your childrens' father's circumstances make it hard for him to avoid meeting his responsibility to provide for his kids? Really? I guess it's a sad indictment of our society that this question is even being asked.