To think that this "lighthearted" post about quickies isn't that lighthearted at all?

[QueenoftheAndals]

This Facebook post about the joys of quickies has been doing the rounds online lately. But is it just me who read it and thought the writer is married to a bit of an arse who expects her to put out whenever he wants? What grown man actually humps his partner's leg in the hope that he'll get sex?

Relationships are about compromise and I think he had done a lot of compromising.

I am not in any way saying that a woman (or a man, actually) should feel forced into sex, but it is a big part of most relationships.

I have been known to engage in a quickie with reluctance, thinking about the end result, as this woman, and end up enjoying it.

I guess what I am saying is, if it works for them, no problem, no one is forcing you to do the same!

How do you know he has 'done a lot of compromising?!'

All his little 'jokes' make him sound awful.

Well, they're not great but that is their relationship, which she is boasting about, so must be happy with!

That is not saying you have to have that.

I think me and DP say things to each other with affection that an outsider who did not know us would judge as shocking. We hardly ever row, have a really good solid relationship and there is even room for quickies too!

I'm just not sure where you got evidence of his compromising from tbh.

I don't understand why anyone would post this on Facebook - it's ok to have some privacy in life...

In saying that, this woman has had a lot if abuse off the back of that post which is not deserved.

witsender

I mean I've been turning him down for long enough I actually felt bad.

He clearly had just accepted it, in spite of actually wanting sex, as he should. That is compromise.

No, poor woman, it's rape. Horrible post. There's a better discussion of it that I can manage here: elegantgatheringofwhitesnows.com/?p=4126

No, I do not want to read a discussion of it, where things get twisted and people add their own perspective. The person who wrote seemed perfectly happy with her choice to have a quickie. She was not raped, he did not force her!

But you've just added you're own perspective. So why not read others?

I think we all know all sex isn't rape. We're all grown ups here (I think). But certainly coercion can amount to rape. This is not controversial.

I know not every sexual encounter is rape.

But a non-consensual sexual encounter is rape.

Please don't start claiming that people who have been raped never experience any doubt, and never attempt to normalise what's happened to them - they do. It is common. It is a very understandable response to something horrible. You tell yourself, no, I didn't want it, and he kept pestering me for it, but somehow that's different from when other women are coerced into sex. They might be raped, but not me, clearly ... because that would mean admitting it to myself, and I'm not ready to do that.

That's how people's minds work. Very, very few women are coerced into sex, when they don't want it, by their partners, and immediately feel able to say 'yes, that was rape, obviously'.

I completely agree with the white snows take on this situation

Absolutely grim

I think she was coerced in to having sex. Not having sex wasn't an option it appears. She went for the quickie because it was the least bad option. Not good.

This sent shivers down my spine as it's the situation I'm glad to be out of. My STBXH would make little 'jokes' through the day about his 'needs' not being met. Wouldn't hold hands but would make quick grabs at me. A quickie allowed a break for a few days.

I know couples can have consentual quickies, but it's the pressure (coercion) that makes this so sad and wrong.

I don't think he raped her but by humping her leg, putting his genitals on her shoulder and making constant "dad sex" jokes does imply that there's an element of coercion. Then at the end of it she gets to reward herself by eating chocolate and reading in bed with the knowledge that he's happy for a bit and she won't wake up with his penis jabbing her in the back.

And she thinks this is normal behaviour from a partner

The thing is she's written it in a way that's meant to come accross as funny.

I think it's very likely this isn't a completely true reflection of her relationship as its been written for laughs. The actual situation could be much better or much worse than the situation described in the blog.

It isn't just the 'jokes' and coercion, it is the fact she gets to do what she wants for the rest of the day free of being pestered etc that is so grim. If dh treated me differently dependent or not I put out I'd rapidly lose patience.