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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I love my kids but starting to wish I was back at work!

15 replies

Macdaddylonglegs · 03/08/2016 11:47

AIBU to think longingly about being back at work?

I'm currently on mat leave, I have 2 dc, oldest is 2.8yrs and baby is 6 months. The baby's sleep gets worse and worse so I feel constantly knackered. I'm lucky enough not to be going back to work till dc2 is 11 months which I feel is in his best interests but the thought of getting out of the house without a baby and toddler in tow...doing something for myself....being able to eat a meal in one sitting and while it's still hot or even to the toilet in peace just seems so appealing. AIBU to feel like this? I absolutely adore my children and cant imagine life without them but at the moment maternity leave seems mainly a test of endurance!

OP posts:

trafalgargal · 03/08/2016 14:04

Are you a single mum or could you have some me time leaving the kids with a partner? It's maternity leave not house arrest after all.

Dragongirl10 · 03/08/2016 14:19

Oh l remember the exhaustion of 2 under two, it really can be very hard work.

My DH worked away a lot and we were overseas away from family.......my lifesaver was Gina Ford...l know she is unpopular here, but her routines got my premie daughter happily sleeping 6 hours by 4 months old...with no crying to sleep or stress, just lots of patience.
This saved me when Ds came along barely a year later as by then she was sleeping 7 till 6am with a sleepy bottle at 10.30.

I found routines, although restrictive in some ways, made for enjoyable days with my Dcs rather than stressful ones, l would have been totally clueless as to when /how to establish sleep times, regular feed times etc.

By the time my Ds was 6 months ( he was a big baby) he was sleeping 7pm till 5am with a sleepy feed 10ish, so much the same routine as DD, and l felt normal again! Also l could plan outings without meltdowns knowing when feeding was due and have happy babies in between most of the time.

Life gets so much easier once you can get a predictable stretch of sleep each night. Maybe try reading Gina Ford?

Hope you find a plan that works for you so that you can enjoy your dcs before returning to work.....

BikeRunSki · 03/08/2016 14:20

I know that feeling! Is the older one at nursery at all?

Mine are 4 and 7 now, but I couldn't wait to go back to work!

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 03/08/2016 14:26

I hear you & am counting down. It's just the worst combination for me - stressful as you try to stop the baby killing herself at every turn (dd2 is 9 months and pulling up on the solid wood table, pulling at cables and eating playmobil choking hazards every second she is awake and not in my arms), emotionally exhausting through lack of sleep and managing a testing pre-schooler and yet still boring and unrewarding.
When dd1 starts school in September days will be so much easier. Just as I start work again.
Hang in there, it ends at some point.

Senac32 · 03/08/2016 15:24

You're going through the hardest most tiring time - bon courage!
When ours were a bit older than yours - at school or nursery - I went back to work and I used to say I'm going to work for a rest

sleepy16 · 03/08/2016 15:27

My 2 youngest are 21 months and 6 months, the 6 month old is feeding every hour at night (ebf) I'm absolutely shattered!

PumpkinPie2013 · 03/08/2016 15:29

I felt the same when my son was that age (and I only have one!). I just found it hard work, tiring and isolating being on maternity leave.

I went back to work when he was ten.months old and it was the best thing I could have done (for us both!).

I hope it gets easier for you soon

someonescj · 03/08/2016 15:30

If your eldest isn't already in nursery would you consider/be able to afford putting them into nursery for a couple of mornings/afternoons each week?

Original poster

Macdaddylonglegs · 03/08/2016 15:36

Thinkaboutit I think that sums it up completely, it feels stressful, tiring but boring! I feel guilty saying it but that's how I feel at the moment. Bike dd1 is starting nursery in September so it should make life a lot easier.
dragongirl thanks for the tip, I know routines do help lots of people and we definitely do need to do something about the baby's sleep. We do have a routine but to be honest with a toddler I like to be able to leave the house whenever I like. I will think about this though.
It makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who feels like this but I sort of thought I'd be enjoying my time with them much more.

OP posts:

badfurday · 03/08/2016 16:30

I felt the same. I went back to work when my daughter was 9 months old ( shes now 2.3). I hated maternity leave. I was desperate to get back to some sort of normal routine. I felt awful for saying it as all my friends with children loved maternity leave. I found it dull to be honest.

Absolutelynothingelse · 03/08/2016 16:31

I had 2 DC within 18 months of each other and it was exhausting.
Going back to work was lovely.
Once they are both at primary School then you get your life back properly IMHO.
But get them into nursery as soon as you can as that will also make a difference and once you feel ready get a part time job.

CPtart · 03/08/2016 16:36

I have two DC 2.5 years apart. I went back to work pt when DC 1 was 4 months and DC 2 was 5 months. They both slept reasonably well but God, I was so bored on mat leave. Immediately I reclaimed some sense of self, felt a lot more in control and stimulated mentally. However hard rushing out the door 3 days a week was with nappies and bottles in tow, it was far less stressful than being at home with two children, and brought some return to normality.

Carrados · 03/08/2016 16:41

Heck yes. I did the first half of maternity leave and the DH took over and did 4 months paternity. I needed it for my sanity as much as anything else. I really enjoy the train journey and being able to read, listen to music and pick up coffee and food. I felt myself again and my parenting improved because of it. Adult conversation and being able to pursue something/do something for yourself made me respect myself again, and made me a much happier person.

BikeRunSki · 03/08/2016 20:34

I'm a few years down the line from the OP, and my youngest will be starting school in September. I can't wait! Nor can she tbh. Mothering doesn't come easily to me, and I have exhausted what I can give of myself to my DC for now. I went down to 3 days a week at work after my first mat leave 7 years ago. I'll be going up to 4. I'm getting a bit of me back.

DiggersRest · 03/08/2016 20:58

Dd1 started school when dd2 was born and it has been lovely to take dd1 to school every day of her Reception year and then have all day with dd2. But l hated mat leave with dd1 and went back when she was 9 months old. I was bored, lonely (not from the UK) and so utterly exhausted l couldn't believe l could still function.

Looking after 2 dc day in day out would end me just hanging on through the school hols wanting a little you time and knowing work can give it to you is fine. I am back after nearly 11 months in a few weeks time and I'm going to miss this last year but I'm a tiny bit excited about it too!

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