AIBU re my Mums comments?

[ElsaMars]

I had an early pregnancy scan yesterday and it looks like I may have a blighted ovum. I have to wait to have another scan next week to find out.

I've told DM and much as I love her and she's probably sad herself. She keeps making comment that come across quite glib. Foe example, she's asked me if I'm going to be drinking now at a party in a few weeks. She's making me feel a bit cross and I know it's misdirected but how can I not take it in the wrong way?

she also suggested I take another pregnancy test which will tell me if I'm still pregnant

People don't know what to say. I had to tune my own mother out, she said much worse things than your mum. So did my mil come to think of it! Can you avoid her for now, you need to get through this as best you can.

If she's being that insensitive I'd give her a wide berth for the moment, you need to find out a bit more. Can I just wish you luck xxx

I'm so sorry about your pregnancy.

Explain in a matter-of-fact way why it's the wrong thing to say at this time. Or just say 'Mum it hurts me to think about that right now, I know you didn't mean it but please remember how I'm feeling'. She probably really wants to get it right but hasn't a clue how.

Thanks. I feel terrible because she's trying to be supportive in her own way but it's just making me cross. She's going away for a few days, so I'll have a break for a bit then I think waaaaaa, I want my mum!

I know exactly what you mean.xxx

so sorry op. People really don't seem to know what to say when you lose a pregnancy but somehow inevitably make it worse. Agree she's probably trying to help just going wrong

I'm sorry Elsa.

Where your mum is concerned I'm certain it's coming from a good place and she means well.

I am so sorry elsa

I have a friend who does very similar and tries to "jolly" everyone up when there is potentially devastating news. I think it is a coping mechanism as she really struggles with stuff like death/illness etc. When I was told at 17 that I would probably never have kids naturally she would say stuff like "Ohhh well you won't have to worry about not having a Jonny to hand". At 21 when the specialist told me I don't produce viable eggs she made lots of comments about all the expensive holidays I would be able to afford and always being able to live the high life.

It was and is exrutiatingly difficult to not slap her stupid bite my tongue and remember that she is trying to be helpful and cares albeit in a twisted way.

Punch bags and walking miles with my dogs is about the only way I work through it - find an isolated spot and scream as loud as you can - works wonders!