To worry I'm never going to be happy

[Unicorn1981]

3 years ago we went travelling. I got really homesick and spent some of the time wanting to come home but for the best part of it had a good time. We moved cities. I hated in for the first few months. I got pregnant was ecstatic but got severe anxiety. Had the baby and we were really happy then I went back to work. I didn't like the job and one of my colleagues made my life a misery. We started making plans to make the move closer to home due to elderly parents, finances etc. I didn't like our old house much either. We moved last week but after initially liking the house I'm now getting severe anxiety over the garage bit attached to it (creepy crawlies, have to walk through to get to garden and dp has insisted on putting some of my books in there for storage, have too many). It's also a bit small. The area is very quiet and I don't know anyone, I'm not really happy and have cried more than once. What is wrong with me will I never be happy?DD (3) is happy even though we moved her away from her friends. I want my old life back.

*4 years ago we went travelling

You could be depressed. I had PND after DD was born and felt miserable and unhappy with everything. I also had anxiety which got steadily worse until she was 10 years old. Only then did I get any medical help.
See your GP and tell them exactly how you have been feeling.
It is not something that will magically go away or you can snap out of.

Thanks so much for answering! I just feel distracted all the time. I keep going in the garage bit and looking in there like I'm worrying about the spiders in there. I have held a tarantula before so I don't think I'm that scared really. We have a cat who would eat them for breakfast too. I am getting anxious over my things being in there even though it's just a few paperbacks. I think I'm getting like ocd feelings. When the stuff was kicking off at work I coped by excessively buying stuff like toiletries I didn't need and I'm now lumbered with tons of it. We are trying to pay off our debts so I don't want to get into that! I think the last few weeks have been busy with seeing all our friends and stuff the change has just hit me like a tonne of bricks! DP and my bf keep telling me it's anxiety but I'm not sure I can face antidepressants again!

You don't have to have antidepressants. You can have Cognitive behavioural therapy. Please discuss with your doctor.
It is very difficult to do anything when you have anxiety.
There is light at the end of the tunnel but you need to ask for help,

Thanks. I'm going to register with a gp. Last time I was on antidepressants I found the courage to deal with this spider thing so at least that helped. It's the obsessing which is making me think it's not about that. I mean I don't think anyone likes their garage walk through but I don't think this is normal. That's the first step I guess x

When I was pregnant I was told cbt wouldn't help me that's another reason I'm thinking I'll have to take antidepressants.

You do sound a little anxious, and not happy.

If you have already been on antidepressants and you don't want to go on them again, maybe you should try counselling/therapy?

Do you excercise? Do you get enough outdoor time? My general mood is best when I get enough outdoor time and I don't spend my day in front of the computer.

Well I got dd to come in the garden with me earlier a: so I'm going through the garage and b: to get out-raining all day. I was getting out every day before as was working part time and after I gave up I was seeing friends all the time. There doesn't seem to be much to do I this area. We are going to move again in six months as this area doesn't seem family orientated but until then I need to be happy and ensure I don't make a knee jerk reaction and move somewhere else I'm not happy. We're staying in same city though.

I don't exercise though except for walking. Can you recommend anything.

Well, I don't know which is best - That is something for you to decide with your GP.
He can assess how bad your anxiety/depression is. You don't HAVE to take tablets but he may want to prescribe mild ones just for a few months.
The anti depressants today are much better than they used to be and may help until CBT makes a difference.

Thanks. I will go and see them as I want to be the best mum to dd and can't be if I'm all distracted and not with it. It means a lot that others are seeing it's anxiety and not rational.

Are you feeling better now?

Well, I don't know what is best for you - but your GP may want you to take a mild one for a few months to take the edge off until you can get into the CBT.
It is something you have to decide with your GP. He cannot make you do anything but you need to take his advice on board?

Hi op. I'm not sure why you were told CBT wouldn't help. It's not a cure all but it certainly sounds like you're anxious and depressed and that is exactly what CBT helps with . I would certainly ask your gp and set yourself little goals each day to get out etc.

Walking is good. Any excercise will do. I like swimming, cycling and trampolining, things I can do with my DCs. It's not something I commit to, but I do do either at least a couple of times weekly.

Have you consideres herbal supplements? I have taken st John's Wort (GP-prescribed for mild depression in Germany) and 5-HTP with good effect, and there are various ginsengs that support mood, I like Korean ginseng. I get them on Amazon, better and cheaper than the high street.

It was when I was pregnant they said me talking about it would make things worse and because I was about to have a baby I had that to focus on.

In a terrible hurry but some brief thoughts:

1. Who set this standard 'happy', that you think you ought to be? Don't look at what you think you should be, look at what you are.
2. Comparison is the thief of joy. Focus on yourself and baby not other people and their expectations.
3. Be really gentle with yourself. Reassure yourself. You're good, you're dealing with a challenging situation.
4. Reflect before you act.

Timely I really appreciate you commenting when in hurry. I have dealt with some challenging things over the years. I just worry that whenever the going gets tough I want to get going! The woman at work ended up leaving just before me although I would've left anyway because there were other reasons. If me and dp have a falling out I start thinking 'I need to leave'. I'm just very dramatic! You're right though I have to take this thing day by day. When I first got pregnant in London where we previously lived I knew two people, dp and sil. I ended up making some really good friends. But there was some local mums Facebook groups and stuff and I haven't seen any of that here. But I have to focus on myself and dd getting out and finding some fun. To who suggested St Johns Wort- I took some yesterday and some this morning and I feel a lot better. Thank you.

Felt rubbish again after going back in garage so went to Drs and got sertraline and some details for therapy. I feel like a bit of a failure.

Why are you a failure?
I hope the doctor spent some time talking with you?

Try not to see everything as failure or success. There is a lot in between those two extremes. Life is not a competition. You can just 'be' without labelling yourself good or bad!
I hope you decide to go for therapy because you will learn how to change your thoughts from automatically negative to more positive.

I think you should check about taking StJohns Wort though, now you are on Sertraline...I don't think you can take both. Neither will make you feel better instantly... so dont expect immediate results.

No, you are not a failure, it's ok to ask for help. Gottagetmoving is right, take one or the other, and it will take a while to see results.