To think daughter should have a proper bed?

[lightshaddows]

My exh moved a year ago, put all his stuff in storage. Since then my daughter sleeps on a blow up mattress. This has been OK given that she tends to be there max 3 nights and I have been willing to give him time to sort stuff out. But it's been a year, she stays for 5 nights during summer hols and hates sleeping on a blow up mattress that deflates over night. She has a medical condition which means she gets sore joints. I emailed ex last week to say she had mentioned the bed again.... She is staying there now.... On a blow up mattress again. Am I being unreasonable to think a year is long enough to get a bed out of storage?

Cestlavie... Thanks, I'll look

I have never and will never refuse contact

Even knowing what you know?! I think you absolutely should refuse contact until he can provide for your dc's basic needs. If he doesn't step up and start acting like a parent it's on him, not you.

What I meant was I wouldn't do that blindly, . Or unreasonably and now my kids are old enough to say what they want I don't have to. But I do think they can't stay without proper beds. Thank you for your thoughts

he has had the dc only 7 x in one year? so it's not so much a regular thing?

he could get a better blow up bed eg a raised/double height one - my dd used this one when we were between beds it was great for two weeks

www.tesco.com/direct/tesco-raised-single-air-bed-with-electric-pump/539-2218.prd?source=others

or www.slumberslumber.com/aerobed-comfort-classic-raised-inflatable-bed-single/p1072?source=froogle&utm_source=froogle&utm_medium=comparison_shopping_feeds&utm_nooverride=1&gclid=CJ2G2qCOo84CFeQK0wodSdkHHw

or www.argos.co.uk/res/static/Product/partNumber/6342542.htm

? send her with one if she otherwise likes going to see him...

Whether or not a child has its own bed is something SS consider in cases of neglect. It is considered a minimum requirement

People always come up with this but it is not as true as they think.

It depends greatly on how many nights the child spends there,what the childs actual needs are, what the parents use instead of a bed, if one child does not have one is not a baby/toddler but everybody else in the house does, the condition and availability of any linens/bedding, how the standard of the childs sleeping area compares to the parents.

In most cases a lack of a actual bed would not even be enough to prevent a NRP having overnight contact.

Obviously this is different because this child has a medical condition that means not having one causes physical pain

Celavie he doesn't need to buy a better blow up bed - he's got a bloody good bed in storage that he can't be arsed sorting out.

My exH moved into his own flat 5 years ago (we split up nearly 8 years ago and he sponged off his ageing grandparents until the council handed him one). The kids don't have any furniture in their room bar a bed - and they likely only have that because he treated himself to a new one

Even the twice a year that they stay for up to a week, they are expected to live out of a bag.

The issue isn't the quality of the blow up, it's that she needs a proper bed, whether that be for once a week or only seven visits a year... He's meant to see them every 3 weeks..... But that hasn't happened. She has a condition which requires a proper bed... He can afford it, he has the space for it.... He put her bed in storage!! So when deciding on moving 3 hours away he decided not to take the kids beds.

I'm disabled and currently in a one bedroom flat with a sofa and king bed. If anyone sleeps in the uncomfortable bed it's me. I couldn't expect my child to put up with something and put myself first.

My only issue is that after going to Court for access arrangement that CAFCASS advised me I can't allow my son and daughter to share a bed, even if they are using separate bedding because it's inappropriate due to their age. So now I alternate them between sharing with me and a night on the sofa which is more comfortable than the ready bed I bought.

I agree with everyone. No bed no staying over..its not acceptable and yanbu.

When she comes back just say to him, let me know when you have her bed back before we arrange the next date.

No child of mine with joint pain would be sleeping on a broken blow up bed unless there was absolutely no choice.

My ds sleeps on a sofabed we bought that is in our living room. He only stays maybe once a week now. And we don't have a spare room or a spare place to put another bed up. I have 4 children who live here. And 4 bedrooms..so the girls share..my 17yo ds1 and 13 yo ds2 have there own rooms. But the rooms are only just big enough for one bed and it wouldn't be fair to expect either one to share with an 8 year old.

Sorry my dss. Not ds. Obviously all the kids that live here have proper beds

You can get really good blow up beds for occasional use but this doesn't sound like one of them. YANBU.

YANBU

I would doubt he even kept the beds in storage to be honest, otherwise why would he be so reluctant to get it out again?

Maybe he thought he could get away with blow up beds, to safe using up the living space of single beds. However, even if that was his thinking, the blow up beds clearly aren't working as an alternative.

Hope it gets sorted.