To find my 7 year old so massively irritating?

[Throughautomaticdoors]

He's driving me mad. We are awaiting an ASD diagnosis so I know some things he really can't help but they still irritate me beyond belief. He's so argumentative all the time but he's also so ungrateful and demanding. Every sentence is 'I want' 'can I' 'when are we...' He's also started saying 'seriously' all the time and being a pain and then looking at me and going 'whaaaaat?'

Some of his habits are disgusting. He licks his hands and smells them which I find revolting. Everything still goes in his mouth like a toddler. He still soils himself some of the time and won't tell me so he just smells and then denies it when I ask him and then I have to clear him up with him protesting the whole time.
He is incapable of sitting still or shutting up. Everything is full volume and full speed. He wants to fight all the time - not properly to hurt you but he's constantly jumping on me or smacking me or grabbing me and pulling on me.
I take him out for the day and we get home and he wants more. Has to be constantly entertained and stimulated. It makes me feel dreadful as he cant help some of his behaviour I know and I love him so much but I also like him quite a lot more when he's at school five days a week. It's difficult to arrange play dates because of his over the top behaviour and he never gets invited anywhere.

I'm so tired. I know he can't help it but I'm finding it such hard work.

I hear you OP, we're going through a particularly annoying time with him putting his face right up close to ours and bobbing his head making a noise (he's 9). I haven't learned to tune that one out yet. Like you it's none stop one on one and batteries never running out and constant constant loudness.

However you do learn to tune a lot of it out so you don't notice it to massive levels.

I did find taking him to SN groups a huge help re behaviour though, we even go away for breaks and activity weekends. he no longer hurts me through frustration. Is there maybe something like that in your area?

My son is a lot like this, but doesn't soil himself. He has an ASD diagnosis. It's exhausting. I feel your pain. On top of this, our elder daughter is dead. I know it's not his fault, but there's not a single day that goes by that I don't wish I were dead or better yet, never born at all.

Nope YANBU, just honest. My DS is now a 13 yr old, who is funny, brilliant, utterly unique and has autism. Some days he drives me nucking futs. Massively irritating. Similar behaviours to what you describe. It doesn't mean I love in any less, or that I would change a thing about him, just that I'm human. Agree with pp about sensory stuff, but mainly wanted to say stay strong sister. You are not alone

OP I am in a very similar position to you, DS1(8) awaiting assessment for ASD, pead thinks sensory processing disorder. He is exhausting, we are in full build up mode as we go on holiday soon. The first 4 days of holiday will be unbearable, hence us doing 2 weeks this year as it takes Ds and Dh a good few days to settle. Dh scored very highly for aspergers and is text book really.

If you ever need a vent feel free to PM me. Sat I tears last night as Dh and Ds clashed (Again) and I am sick of trying to help them get along.

I don't know much about the rest, but I would second the idea of getting a trampoline, or something else that he can burn off some of that excess energy on.

Weighted therapy can really work. Pushing down hard on shoulders for around 30 seconds, making a weighted vest using a rucksack and catalogues. We used to put a mark on the wall and the child I taught with sensory difficulties had to jump and tap it 10 times......I also used this with a child who got angry and it worked for him.

Though and expat

Extra hot has excellent advice, please do go to the SN part of mumsnet and there will be lots of good advice.

Plus, it is really normal to dislike your children sometimes- yes you still love them, but they are learning how to be good people, and sometimes they get it wrong. No one thinks it's odd when you don't like something your partner does, even though you love them too!

Lots of good advice here but I'd also say remember being with anyone all the time can be incredibly draining, let alone a difficult 7yo, and school holidays are bloody tough for whoever is doing the childcare. I have two lovely DC who can be fantastic, funny, affectionate etc but both also have their irritating sides. Older one talks non-stop about stuff I find it hard to muster up an interest in. Younger one (6) is extremely stroppy and liable to fly off the handle at the smallest perceived slight . They have also both always had that need to be entertained and do something with me. I'm am introvert and screaming inside to just be able to think to myself or read in peace.

I think feeling very irritated by this is fine and normal. If it were anyone else, say a friend, being like this you'd be able to not see them. With your child you have to and it's a huge pressure.

In the first week of the holidays I always start feeling desperate that I can't get through it, I'm going to go insane. Eventually though, we settle into a routine with lots of trips out (swimming, pick your own fruit, adventure playgrounds are good!), time for telly/computer games and some activities at home like cooking.

On the first day back at school I book a day off and go shopping and for coffee on my own.

I'd push for adhd test too, just incase it's not just asd.

Feel your pain though. My adhd 7 yr old is currently lying on floor having a tantrum because his dad has said he couldn't play computer game (as he was on it this morning)

Does the thing about him licking his hands and smelling them matter?

I can see that if he was wiping himself insufficiently after using the toilet, then not washing his hands, then it would be a real problem. But if it's just uncoventional behaviour it's not really that harmful is it.?

I suppose it's a matter of trying to work out what the worst habits are and how you can get time by yourself/with adult friends etc - even quite small amounts of it would obviously help - to recharge your batteries.

expat I have read many of your previous posts love but none as utterly sad as this one.

Weighted therapy is great, never bought a weighted blanket but did do the rolling up in a duvet and my loud, fidgety wrestler really liked being sandwiched between large sofa cushions on the floor and then leant on ( whilst the leaner watched the news or read something etc.)

Oh and by the way, I first discovered Mumsnet 10 years ago googling when I was having very similar issues with Ds1, I used to dread weekends because he was so hard to put up with. He is 18 now and so much better, although still prone to random loud yodelling round the house.

So sorry ExPat . I have never read a post and so much wanted to have a magic wand to make things right for someone.

Life can be an utter fucker at times.

YANBU

If this is any small consolation to you -

I have a 14 year old with ASD

I honestly think from age 2 to about 8 was really torture. He was just so hard. Really hard ALL THE TIME and I was so tired and worn out and hated school holidays and thought I was a rubbish Mum.

He's now 14 and so chilled out and awesome and everyone loves him to bits. Best person I know by a long mile is my son!

It's hard - hard looking after any child - but harder at times.

Lots of love to you...it gets easier, I promise and right now I feel so validated, like I was a good Mum even when I felt not!

xxxxx

He is obviously very sensory seeking, some input from an OT could really help i think.

Plus,,it gets easier.

I would second the seeking sensory input or having sensory issues that was already mentioned. I found "The out of sync child" which I bought second hand on amazon a lot of help. Otherwise ...is he getting some help in the form of therapy? Perhaps you could speak to your GP? a lot of what you describe does not really fit to ASD, so you may well have other issues to dealwith. and it WILL get better!

Have 2 with add and, yep, I can find them bloody annoying, at times. Particularly now they're older and have started goading each other constantly.

10yo actually does benefit from time with his iPad. It refocuses him away from some of his more wearing repetitive behaviours.

Pick your battles, though. The hand licking is gross, but something I don't go out of my way to make a big deal of, unless it's done right in my own physical space.

Sometimes I daydream about what life would be like without my 12 year old. He's such hard work, he has a social communications disorder. He acts like a hyped up 4 year old most of the time, he's so loud, argumentative, cannot manage to put two socks on, refuses to change dirty clothes, chews things, jumps around and rolls all over the floor. I have younger children whom he winds up constantly. It never ends, the summer holidays seem endless, my younger children react to his behaviour and copy it. I love him, of course I do, but sometimes it's just to much.

I think I got the cushion technique from The Out Of Sync Child many years ago.