to think i might be able to afford p/t work once baby at school?

[areyoureadyforpie]

would be really grateful for some help with this.

had a horrible pregnancy and first 5 month with lovely baby, and have had to do it about 95% on my own (no partner and not much support).

my housing costs are between £150-200 p/m (thank goodness)
my pay is about £15k gross
it seems I can go back to work when mat leave ends and afford to just work 2 days a wk (WTC will pay some childcare from what I can work out)

do you think I can still live on 16hrs p/w work when she is in school? as it looks like this is the only way i'm ever going to get any decent amount of time to sort out the dilapidated house and other things l need to do in order to have my second (and last) child so that my son doesn't grow up a lonely only child (we don't have enough support for him not to be lonely, no decent family nearby etc)

I understand the desire to have more than one child. As an only child myself I was determined not to put my own child in that same boat as it wasn't a good experience for me. However it does sound like you might not be in the best position to actually have a second child. Although from anecdotal evidence around me if you really want your child to have a sibling as a companion it's a good idea to go for a small age gap so you need to get on with it now if you're going to!

when he's asleep I catch up on the housework I couldn't do in the day cos I was looking after him and then also out of the house.

yes I have time for a second child, playing with 2 children takes about the same time as playing with one, and if you raise them right, then they play ok with each other, many say that having two is actually less work because of this, and if they don't play well together cos their personalities are too different or whatever, then you have to let them play apart. I'd rather the boxes never got sorted than I have, what for me, would be an incomplete family.

SalemsLott, thanks for that, I really feel like I don't understand enough about universal credit, not eligible at mo as I own my house (well, me and the idiot mortgage company)

I mean if you want to go part-time and can afford it, sure. But once universal credit hits you will be forced into full time work, it is VERY strict.

Lots of things stand out for me in your updates OP.

You mention baby groups that you go to now and the 15 hours funded childcare you seem to be planning to use (would you qualify when your DS is 2?) so I still don't think he will be missing a sibling as a playmate prior to starting school. Then school, swimming clubs, Beavers, football clubs all will provide the opportunity for your son to develop a wide circle of friends. If you choose to have a second child on a low income then it will be much harder for you to get your children involved in all these activities.

Next, you say you've always wanted more than one child. Unfortunately things just don't always work out the way we want. If you know that you will have to rely on tax credits or universal credit it's probably a bad idea to plan a second child.

You say you manage to keep on top of the housework, but really how much housework can one adult and a baby generate? Then you say you have twenty years of stuff that needs to be sorted. I guess sorted means keep/charity/bin. I don't understand how poverty has meant you can't afford to throw unwanted or unneeded stuff away. And if you haven't had enough time or money to deal with it yet being a single parent reliant on tax credits is only going to make it worse, especially if you have a second child. To be honest it reads like you are a hoarder (written uncritically, I know hoarding is a complicated situation). It sounds like you've got things to overcome before you should think about bringing another child into your life.

Why did you move into a house that is in such poor repair that it has no kitchen while knowing you were going to have, or already had a baby? If you've spent the last decade or so buying, doing up and selling on houses surely you'd got to the stage where you lived in a house in good condition? It seems crazy to actively choose to live in a rundown house with a baby, which means you don't have enough time to do paid work for more than 16 hours a week. Also saying you've bought and plan to do up this house while claiming full tax credits sounds a little like you want state help to be a property developer.

You say that you need to establish a family and support network before you can consider working more than 16 hours a week. You've indicated how you hope to increase your family but how will limiting your working hours so much help you to establish a support network?

When you talk about having a second child you just talk about entertainment and playing together. Being a parent is about so much more than that.

You never know what may happen in that time. Maybe you will and maybe you won't.

I think you are being somewhat idealistic . 2 children may have competing needs and won't just sit and play nicely together. As they get older and have interests and hobbies you need to be prepared to juggle arrangements. If your Ds is your birth child you may well find that agencies place strict rules around adopting a second , particularly in terms of age gaps and how that child would fit into your established family unit. Older children in care often have SN/emotional issues or have become hard to place, so building relationships and supporting them can be hard going.

Can't comment on the rest but just wanted to say if you did adopt then the child has to (in 99%).of the cases be younger than your birth child. Their also needs to be in general atleast two years age gap between the ages of the adopted child and the birth child so if you want one that's 5 or older you're going to gave to wait about 7 years. Also whatever age the child is,you'll be recommended to have a chunk of time off with them (adoption leave is the same as maternity leave in pay etc)
I'm sure you already know this but it us food for thought.

You need to be aware that adopted children tend to need a LOT of care almost by definition, particularly if they are older when adopted. They won't necessarily slot easily into your life and provide a playmate for your son.

But for now, are you necessarily restricted to two days a week once your son is in school? Can you consider something like at teaching assistant job?

This thread is pretty ridiculous and I actually hope they do bring in a system that cuts out this shit.
Another way of writing the op could be 'can I use the benefits system to plan to have another child to avoid working.'

if you read and think about what I've already written, the answers are there.

A bit cryptic isn't it??If you can't give enough detail to allow posters to answer your query you won't get an honest reply.

Basically you have had a child whilst knowingly single, live in a house that needs renovating (is it safe for your child?) and have a job that won't support you financially. And you want another child, who will play with your first whilst you do up the house, and have a little part-time job.

And you want to know which benefits can you claim to allow you to do this?

You can't afford private fertility treatment. It costs thousands.
You say you live in hovels and do them up but haven't currently got a functioning kitchen. I can't see you being approved to adopt in those living conditions.
Focus in your existing child and sorting out adequate living arrangements and earning some money. It wouldn't be fair to have another child in these circumstances.

If you go on a website called turn2us you can put in your details to work out what you are entitles to, so you can try putting it in with the different scenarios of working hours etc and see where you stand.
Also the amount of free childcare for 3 year olds is being increased from 15 to 30 next year and if you are on tax credits you may be able to claim this.from when your child turns 2.

Spend time sorting out boxes?
I'm confused. Why do you need so many hours to clear boxes? I work full time and have children, but still have a tidy house.

Hopefully anyone applying to adopt "to give my bio child a playmate" will be stopped at an early stage. Adoption is about the needs of the child needing adoption. Not about you or your existing child.

We moved last year. I have 3 kids who at the time were 5,3 and 9 months. Within two months I managed to sort the house out. As in unpack our many, many, many boxes, buy and build Ikea furniture, put up photos, mirrors, decor etc. All in between school runs and during baby naps. Realistically I only had an hour or two each morning as afternoons with all three obviously I didn't get anything done. I also had to work some of those mornings. And I managed the general housework too.

I'm not sure why you can't get cracking with the boxes/work on the house. Presume your baby has at least two naps a day, maybe do housework for the first one and boxes for the second.

It honestly sounds like you have a psychological block to sorting them and are making up reasons why you can't. You could have them done by the time you go back to work, then maybe work more hours and save if possible and put yourself in a better position to have a second child.

This is v confusing. You have lived in poverty for years and now live in a dilapidated house with no kitchen, but have had private fertility treatment to have your baby?

You are then implying that you will adopt a daughter (does adoption work like that?? 'I'll have a 6 month old pink one now, please, to stop my son getting too bored') and then 5 YEARS afterwards, you will finally be able to unpack some boxes. Frankly, I would imagine you can bin most of the stuff if it hasn't been looked at for that long!

Can't you just unpack one box a day, or one a week and do it like that?

If you have a kitchen that doesn't work, I'd say that was far more of a priority than finding a daughter from somewhere.

The op didn't say she had fertility treatment could have been a one night stand or similar.

That's not what she says though

..I wasn't lucky enough to find a partner in time so thank goodness we have private fertility treatment and adoption in this country, because those are the routes open to people in my situation.

roll op also mentions a difficult pregnancy so who knows what route to motherhood she took

It is very doubtful that someone in op's circumstances would have been approved to adopt an under 2 in UK.

You're very naive and ill informed OP. You ask a question about 15 hours childcare for ages 3+ which suggests you've never heard of it (it's universal btw), information very easy to find on the gov dot UK website. You say you do housework while baby naps... why not rest, unpack, and research then and do housework while baby watches (and eventually "helps").

As for yes I have time for a second child, playing with 2 children takes about the same time as playing with one puhlease! This is naive in the extreme for two bio kids but for your dream of adopting, my head's in my hands.

In conclusion, Yanbu but you're not seeing the wood for the trees.

No as a single mother under UC you will need to earn national minimum wage multiplied by 17.5 hours until your youngest child is 13.Actual hours worked are irrelevant

thanks for the useful replies

for all the haters, you have no idea, other than what I've actually written, about my circumstances and have assumed a hell of a lot that I don't have time to correct.......what I do want to say is that I know a hell of a lot about adoption, having planned, since I was a kid, to do it. The background to how my son came into this world are extremely complex.

I'm sure there are plenty of happy only children out there, but I was desperate to give my son a sibling, and I'm so glad I did because he plays with his sister all the time (sometimes fights too but that's entirely normal) and they constantly tell me they love each other (they're 5 and 3) and I honestly think his childhood is much better for having a sibling. That's just my experience though not dissing anyone who only has one.