Instead of it being AIBU (regarding my thread) perhaps it should be "Am I overreacting?
I'm a Brit who lives in the States. DH is African-American and we have two kids - DD who is 12 and DS who is 18. In the last couple of weeks, I've been extremely worried about my son.
DS wants to become a professional basketball player. It's been his dream ever since he was 10-years-old. When he was little and couldn't put the orange ball down, I thought it was just a childhood passion (I wanted to be an actress when I was 10) and that he would grow out of it. But when he was about 15 he really began developing as a player. University scouts and segments of the local media began to take notice. Sometimes I cry when I think about just how much he has put into basketball. He wakes up at 4am every morning to go to the gym and then a shootaround later. Ever since he was 14 he has been very conscious about what he eats. He refused to go to parties with friends because he had a game the next day and needed to stay fresh. He has sacrificed large portions of his childhood with maturity and discipline way beyond his years. So far all the hard work and dedication has paid off.
Next year he's going to university on a full athletic scholarship. The way young players become professionals in the US is very different to the UK. Instead of teams developing their own young players through youth teams as young as 8 (as football teams in the UK do), in the US, the most promising prospects go to renowned universities (say unis known for their excellent basketball or football programs). They play for the university teams and scouts for the professional teams watch over the most promising young players in college. The minimum age to enter the National Basketball Association (NBA) is 19. At the end of the NBA season, 60 of the most promising young players from schools all over the country are chosen by the professional basketball teams. The player who is picked number one being perceived as the best player of the draft and the player at number 60 being seen as the least talented. So what happens with the most promising basketball prospects is that they only do a year at uni, drop out, declare for the NBA draft and are taken by one of the NBA teams, thus becoming a professional basketball player. This is the route DS plans on taking - he'll do one year of uni, drop out, and declare for the draft.
The thing is, it's not guaranteed that he'll be taken by an NBA team this time next year. The coaches and scouts who recruited him for the uni he's going to play for have said if he applies himself and plays to his full potential during his stay at their uni, he has a great chance of being taken in the top 15 during the draft (DS actually wants to make the top 5). I would actually rather he do the full four years of university (so he can spend more time developing as a player and also get a degree). But the stupid fucking logic of NBA owners and coaching staff is that if a player doesn't declare for the draft after the first year of uni, then surely he's not good enough. Only a tiny few of players are taken after they complete the full four years of uni - 90% of players taken only do one year. Plus since DS' had rapid a growth spurt recently (he grew from 6'4 to 6'7) his ankles are more prone to injury, so I would rather he finish school as an insurance.
I started to worry about my son's mental health after I caught him smoking weed in the early hours of the morning a couple of weeks back. He's always been so buoyant and charismatic - but days prior me catching him smoking, he had been very quiet and reclusive. He broke down crying when I found hum and said he was scared about college next year. About how the pressure of performing and making it were really getting to him. He said he was struggling to sleep because all he can think about is if he fails. That he'll see his life as a failure if things don't work out.
I and DH had a talk with him. DH isn't overly concerned about the situation. He also played college basketball as a young man and said the nerves and pressure are to be expected. Especially for someone with expectations of becoming a professional. Everyone (including my mother) keep saying the same thing - that's it nothing. My son has assured us the weed was only a one time thing. But I know DS. He's still melancholy and spending a lot of time alone. I suggested that perhaps he go see a therapist and he angrily shot the idea down. Pretty much all my family is saying I'm overreacting. But I don't think so.
I really worry for him - when I was his age I didn't face anywhere near the pressure and expectations he has faced throughout his young life.