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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu or is dh's friend re having a daughter?

39 replies

hanselandmarge · 29/07/2016 00:06

Dh and I met up with some friends over the weekend. We were chatting about their youngest child, their 1 yo dd.

My friend's dh was jokingly saying he won't allow her to have a boyfriend or leave the house until she is 40 etc etc.

I asked whether he felt similar about their ds, and he said no - he cares for them both the same, but he feels more protective of their dd.

He went on to say that we (dh and I) wouldn't understand as we have 3 ds's. And it wasn't until they had their dd that he felt this different level of love and how precious she is.

What is this all about? I have heard this a few times now, from various people regarding their daughters.

Aibu to think this is odd? I worry about all sorts of scenarios for my dc and don't see how the sex of a child influences this.....

I realise I might be overthinking this!

OP posts:

powershowerforanhour · 29/07/2016 01:40

Woman's sexuality as male possession. Boak.

loveulotslikejellytots · 29/07/2016 01:58

We have a DD who is nearly 7 months. More than once someone has asked me if we'll have another so that DH could have a son to take to football (he's a massive football fan, has a season ticket etc). I just look confused and say that I'm pretty sure girls/women are allowed in the stadiums too...

Any child of ours boy or girl was always going to be dragged to football so I'm not sure why their sex/gender has anything to do with it.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 29/07/2016 02:42

I've had similar comments and reactions from DH's (Latin American) relatives, hansel. It seems a woman is considered a 'better' wife if she produces boys

AnnaMarlowe · 29/07/2016 02:51

My DH hates these kind of comments. He thinks these men are incredibly sexist and so disrespectful of their daughters.

We have boy/girl twins. They are both wonderful little people and we look forward to them growing into wonderful adults.

Jayne266 · 29/07/2016 03:09

I think I know what people are talking about it have ds who is 4 and I am pregnant with a dd. I have found people's reactions to me having a girl so over the top than before. I keep getting the comments like now you can stop because youbwill have one of each, or oh you can now buy pink and take her shopping etc (tbh I hate pink and I hate shopping so definitely not my thing). My dh has been getting all the" it's different being a dad to a girl you will be so much more protective" comments.

teraculum29 · 29/07/2016 03:21

My DH is saying very similar thing to your friend.

But I know from where he's coming from (his sister at the age of 16 was raped and killed)

thedogstinks · 29/07/2016 06:02

I worry about all sorts of things for my kids, too. And yes, their sex does influence some of my worries.

Misogyny is still alive and well.

EstellaHavisham · 29/07/2016 06:27

I've heard this before and the reason they gave for the protectiveness was:
"because girls get pregnant"

Kannet · 29/07/2016 06:30

I think it's just something people say. I say similar about my son, jokingly say I can't wait to be a terrible mil and so on.

blueturtle6 · 29/07/2016 06:31

Yanbu, fwow I hate the phrase you wouldn't understand because xyz. Heard it a lot from people pre dc and really got my goat. And whilst I have a dd i would be just as concerned if we had a ds. They are still your precious child. And no dating until 40!?! Do they not want their kids to grow and develop into adults? Rant over

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 29/07/2016 06:35

I can see why historically there was a view of locking your daughter up and sexual taboos. Thankfully with access to contraception, abortion the csa etc these inequalities are being redressed. You only need to look at the relationships board to see that women still get a raw deal. Having said that I still worry that my dc of either sex will have unplanned pregnancies which impact on their lives.

Beyond that I don't see the difference between boys and girls. Personality and interest wise my dc are very different but not stereotypical. The biggest difference is between the girls, however ds has played with dolls far longer than they did.

Stevefromstevenage · 29/07/2016 06:35

Yes my husband came out with the 'no boyfriends until she is thirty' twaddle last night but he often comes out with gender conditioned nonsense and instantly regrets it He is definitely not the worst of them but he has still been socialised as a male

TooGood2BeFalse · 29/07/2016 06:37

My Arabic ex-boss told me 'well done!' when I had DS1. When I had DS2 he said my husband was 'a very lucky man!'.

He had 5 kids. The 4 girls' birth was unannounced, when No.5 was a boy, we got an email and pic, and he bought us all lunch (think 30+ in the office). Strange eh?

beenaroundawhile · 29/07/2016 06:38

Teraculum how absolutely abhorrent. You can understand his feelings.

In general though, I think men know how men think and their comment is more on men (and inability / inexperience with self control) than on women. Personally I detest the whole princess approach to girls and young women, I have a DD and we will be encouraging her to be confident, assertive and know her own mind. She will have to be able to do that at some point so might as well start now than having to learn it later.

OP it sounds like your friend also had a clear case of pfb syndrome to boot, that combined with "daddy's little princess" approach would probably explain it

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