To be unnaturally upset I'm losing teeth

[Ariandenotgrande]

Go easy, first time poster but I need some good honest mumsnet advice.
I was at the dentist yesterday and so as not to bore with details of a medical nature, I have to get 3 teeth out at the front (upper) leaving me with my two front teeth (lucky me) and 3 on one side. I have a decent amount on the lower jaw thank God. I went into a kind of shock, the operation to have them out won't be for a few months on account of nhs waiting lists and it's a specialist surgery. I'm to go to my dentist after surgery to get a temporary denture fitted. My bone density is a bit fucked and the dentist is doubtful I could get an implant.
I'm not vain, at 48yrs old I'm happy at looking passable, but this has really thrown me, I haven't been in such shock since I was told I was in early menopause (38). I've been in tears, none of my friends or family have such toothlessness and I'm sitting feeling sorry for myself. I know it seems petty given people can have real dehabilitating illnesses. But how does one get over the prospect of having to put falsies in to look vaguely normal ? Please bring me back to earth as I'm in a parallel universe of self pity

I don' t think you're overreacting. My 75 year old mum was gutted recently when one of her front teeth cracked. Some people are blessed with seemingly indestructible gnashers and some aren't. It'll be OK. A bit of a pisser but OK.

Aw, YANBU to feel upset, of course!

Fwiw, I lost 6 (front) teeth when I was 13 yo (accident), had to have several bits of surgery (as I had other facial injuries as well), had a partial plate for a few years, could not have implants because part of my upper jaw had broken out as well and a bone reconstruction did not 'take', and have now had a Maryland Bridge for, ooooh, 25+ years - cosmetically very acceptable, and I have got in to the habit of not biting 'head on' in to an apple but sort of sideways - works fine.

Anyway, of course it's a shock for you.
I presume that there are very good reasons for why you will have to have this done and I hope that you like and trust your treating dentist/oral surgeon.
If not, you could always consider a second opinion, simply to have confidence in to the advice given.

Good luck
NB Replies in AIBU can be robust, so don't be put off - if you don't get constructive replies here, consider reposting in Health.

Perhaps you could have a bridge instead of a palate in terms of false teeth. Do you definitely need them out? I was told 3 years ago that I needed a tooth out so I saw about 3 other dentists until I found one prepared to put a crown on it. It was done by an old fashioned NHS dentist guy who was prepared to give it a go. It is still fine.

Thank you very much
I hope replies aren't too 'robust'
Or it's straight to health !

I don't think there's anything unnatural about worrying about losing your teeth. I'm sorry, this sounds really stressful, I would be feeling just the same. There's a reason that so many people have dreams about tooth loss - it's all tied up with fears about mortality and stuff, plus we associate dentures with properly old people, not mere whippersnappers like you!

You've had some upsetting news and you're still processing it. It's not petty. Loads of people have dentures and crowns and stuff like that - and as long as your mouth works and you still look like you, none of it really matters - but give yourself a chance to absorb this. Of course it's going to be a blow at first. x

I've had the same dentist for over 20 years, and I do trust her, but given the serious nature of this, perhaps a second opinion wouldn't go amiss, good idea.
I can't get a bridge as there's nothing there to attach bridge to !

Ah, never mind my 'warning', the nice and sensible people are here

I keep deferring finding out about implants now (apparently bone reconstruction has moved on) as the thought of it scares me shitless.
Is/when my bridge falls out, dentures sounds fine to me at this very moment in time

It won't be as bad as you are now picturing.
Just take one step at a time and yes, as PP have said, allow yourself time to process this and to 'grieve' your teeth.

OP I had to have my right upper tooth out last year and I'm 5 years younger than you :D i'ts fine! Honestly! I remember thinking NOOOOOO and then immediately pulling myself together because I was glad I had the NHS who fitted me a very, very good denture immediately.

What a service!

Now I live in Oz and if it breaks or something I'll have to pay a ton!

You're lucky! Lucky that the NHS and the technicians can make them so they look real. They really do these days. It's only teeth. Not lungs or heart

I hadn't thought of that, I just need to process the fact that my poor teeth may be going, It was just a shock, and like all shocks, it will pass
Thank you and I feel my self pity slowly diminishing

That's awful, and I'm not surprised you're upset

On a side note, and mostly unrelated as I have no idea of your oral hygiene (!), I'm always surprised at how lax people can be in attitudes towards their teeth - not brushing them, not flossing, not seeing a dentist for 5-10 years at a time. We only have one set and it's important to look after them!

Am lucky re nhs
Was living in a different country for a while and tbh I wouldn't have been able to afford to see a dentist, let alone get diagnosed...would have just watched them fall out !

Oh I am good re oral hygiene
I was the victim of a seriously bad dentist in the early 90's - my current dentist has been mainly making good his work and trying to save my teeth

My mum lost all her teeth in her early 40s. Had been a zealous brusher all her days but gum disease took hold.

Although she was devastated to lose them, the pain from chronic abcesses was such I think she'd have resorted to pliers had the dentist not acted!

And although it's not the same, I've had alopecia since my late teens. These things are shitty.

Of course it's not unreasonable to be upset by the prospect of losing teeth. It's a nasty shock and takes time to come to terms with. I hope you a nice supportive family.

I feel for you. It will be my turn soon (medical issues that for bizarre reasons affect my dental health) and I'm really really dreading it. I'm also very careful about dental hygiene but I suspect strangers think I've neglected it. I'm a couple of years younger than you.

I'm hoping when the time comes that there will be falsies that look reasonably natural (my two front teeth are the worst affected so possibly hard to replicate). Can they make something natural-looking for you?

I really don't think you're unnaturally upset, and I hope you get a result you're happy with.

Did you have a CT scan, Ariande? I was wondering how you knew about your bone density.

And I thought you could have animal bone or artificial bone added to your jaw to help make an implant possible?

Adjustable...I feel your pain. I am sure the falsies nowadays are pretty good. I'm not too concerned with them. My mother's friend has a full set and they look fantastic & realistic.
I suppose it is actual vanity, I can't imagine waking up without teeth, having to go to retrieve teeth from jar before being able to talk or smile. I hope I don't scare DD or the postman or my OH.
As a previous poster said and it reminded me of many dreams/nightmares about losing my teeth...and now it's reality.
But I need to pull the big girl pants up.

Gleam...I didn't have a CT scan, just a few xrays at dentist. Dentist seemed to know what she was talking about. I assumed I had menopausal gums

I had the same worries op, having lost a number of teeth because of an infection on my jaw.
I decided to pay more for lighter weight plates and I can wear them 24/7 only removing them for cleaning.
I haven't had any problems whatsoever and their really comfortable to wear.
It might be worth considering?
incidentally I'm in my early sixties and have had them 2 years

I also have gum disease, also I think caused by peri menopause. I had the first of 5 teeth out last week, and think I will need another out soon. I will have a big gap- though at the back. I am also really pissed off!

I don't have any bone density either. I don't think you need a ct scan for them to know that, my 2 dentists are pretty clear on that!

I can't have a bridge either, or a crown due to the bone density thing.

It feels shit, and yes of course it's not life threatening or anything but of course you are upset. It's a physical change and bound to effect you.

I kind of want to understand why I have it! I think it's something to do with cortisol attacking the bone?

YANBU at all. Losing my teeth is a big fear of mine, yes it's probably vain but teeth aren't just there to look at, they alter the look of the face, help with speech and eating.

So is this another menopausal treat that women have to look forward to?

P1nk - thanks for the news that there are 24/7 falsies, the prospect of that makes it seem more tolerable. Will ask dentist.
Hoolio - omg 5 teeth and I'm moaning about three ! So sorry
As for why the bone density gets fecked, I've no idea. I was only assuming it was menopausal and a combination of previous crap dentistry.
Am sure if all menopausal women's teeth fell out we'd have heard about it by now surely ?!!! I'm much too scared to google down that avenue.
Ah nature is cruel

Ariande I leave mine in 24/7 and the dentist never told me not to! I take it out to clean my teeth of course...but that's it! It's better than the crappy crown I had...looks better I mean.

Bone density is multifactorial: genetic, intrauterine conditions, diet (calcium, Vit D), medication (longterm oral steroids affect bone density), pressure on bone (chewing gum, I would imagine, must be good for bone density in the jaw - astronauts who tend to be young fit men can have low bone density when they return after prolonged stays in low gravity), and, yes, hormones.
We have our peak bone density about age 25, it's al downhill from there (for men and women) but accelerates after the menopause.

Here endeth the lecture

OP, I really, really feel for you. I would be devastated even if I knew that it was the right thing to do, that they would look fine in the end - which I am sure it is and they will. Teeth are such an intrinsic part of you - I've had recurring dreams about my teeth falling out since I was tiny, and it's one of the most common dreams. It can be linked to all kinds of stuff - anxiety, fear of losing something permanent etc. Be very kind to yourself and know that it will all be OK but I can fully understand how it must seem - remember that anticipation is much worse than reality.

Im not in the greatest of health and its taken its toll on my teeth its not easy i have a partial denture on 1 side and the thought of loosing more fills me with dread people can be very scathing about other peoples teeth saying this and that but i hear you it is a shock but it will be ok. I cant afford good dental treatment id love implants but such is life i guess.

Yanbu and I can relate to the shock. When I was told I had permanent gum desease and what that entailed I was devastated for a good month or so.

I have accepted it now and hope that I keep my smile/ all my teeth into old age.

I think teeth are the parts of your body that evidently fall apart and we can accept it if it happens naturally but not so much when someone wants to yank them out.