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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on the sick?

63 replies

cherrypepsimax · 28/07/2016 16:37

I have to admit I am stressed.

I pride myself on coping and being able to get the job done. However, I have spent about 2 weeks now still not being able to clear all my e-mails and do the most simple of tasks, because I just can not concentrate for more than 2 minutes. Having googled 'signs of stress' I have over half of them :-(

I run my own business, as well as working part time for an employer, plus general family life. I LOVE my business but I also wanted the security of a guaranteed income. DH is a great support in terms of workload at home, but he can not help with the business because he does not have the skills.

If I was not working 25 hours at week at a part time job I would not be stressed. I would be able to dedicated myself to the business and in all honesty do a better job at promoting it etc. We have decided that I will leave my part time job. I really like the team I work with, but I really am trying to do too much, most weeks I work 50-60 hours.

So AIBU to hand in my notice and then go off sick with stress? I know it could affect my future employment opportunities, I am obviously hoping I will not need to apply for another job because I have my own business.

I feel bad because colleagues have time booked off work over the summer, and if I am not there it will be affecting the workload of the colleagues that are there. I have no holiday to take, because I have taken so much time off to attend events with my business.

Should I just muddle through for another 4 weeks? Or should I stop worrying about my colleagues and put myself first?

OP posts:
Lorelei76 · 28/07/2016 17:22

so is the sum total here that you can afford to do without the pay from the job?

if that's the case, then I would tell them you aren't well and need to leave right away.

I presume they know about your business so it really wouldn't be worth risking carrying on your work for yourself while taking pay from them. It's an unusual position to be in but I think they would have grounds for saying that it's not right to take sick pay from them while working elsewhere.

MatildaTheCat · 28/07/2016 17:23

Hand in your notice and offer to resign with immediate effect or take any annual leave owing.

Otherwise hand in your notice, work the four weeks but no extra hours and reduce the number of hours you are putting into your own business for that time.

Also read up on time management and stress management. You are probably wasting time in both jobs at present if you are needing to do so many hours.

FreedomIsInPeril · 28/07/2016 17:30

If I was not working 25 hours at week at a part time job I would not be stressed. I would be able to dedicated myself to the business and in all honesty do a better job at promoting it etc

And if you weren't running a business you wouldn't be too stressed for your job. You can't go off sick because youre too busy, because you have chosen to do both. Well you could, but you shouldn't.

Original poster
cherrypepsimax · 28/07/2016 17:30

wheresthel1ght

A lot of stress is caused by circumstance. Financial stress, bereavement, divorce. Can people in those situations not called themselves stressed? Just because it is temporary?

At no point did I say I had crippling anxiety attacks, or had an illness. I am well aware it is a temporary stress because I have really over stretched myself.

"My approach" is to ask for advice, I have not actually done a thing to my colleagues. How is that unprofessional? Can people now not ask for advice?

OP posts:
wheresthel1ght · 28/07/2016 17:42

But you need to see that actually you are overwrought by your own doing not suffering with stress as an illness. You state in your own posts that if you weren't working outside your own business then you wouldn't be stressed and as has just been pointed out you could lose that stress by giving up your own business also.

People doing what you are suggesting is the reason that genuine stress illnesses are treated with such disdain by employers

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 28/07/2016 17:44

OP you absolutely can ask for advice and I think overall you have been given some very good advice.
I think unprofessional came from the idea that it would be unprofessional to take sick leave from your employed job and use that time to promote your own business. If you chose that path it would then impact your colleagues iyswim.
No one is disputing that your temporary stress is anything other than real, it's simply that sometimes when people bend the rules they can unwittingly make life harder for those with more serious mental health issues.
Hopefully once you hand your notice in then the stress will start to lift, as simply knowing that the situation is finite with a clear end date can be hugely empowering.

Lorelei76 · 28/07/2016 17:47

OP, I think you need to take a step back, I don't think anyone is having a go at you

People are just saying that as you have - in your own words - overstretched yourself, you need to find the fairest solution, and taking sick pay from your employer isn't it. If you weren't carrying on with your business, it would be different, but as you can do some work, it seems unfair to take pay from your employer to do no work.

What do you think about just resigning with immediate effect, or offering to do whatever you feel you can cope with? For example, you might feel able to do reduced hours, or a reduced wage just to help with things like answering the phone?

These are just ideas to help out, obviously I don't know what you do.

Watto1 · 28/07/2016 17:50

A few years ago, I was in a job I hated. I resigned but really couldn't face working there for another month. I asked if I could take unpaid leave and the boss agreed. Would this be an option for you?

hownottofuckup · 28/07/2016 17:52

Choosing to 'go on the sick' as an employee whilst continuing to work on your business because you find juggling both with family life too much, is what I mean by taking the piss and also why I asked if it was paid sick leave.

Original poster
cherrypepsimax · 28/07/2016 17:57

wheresthel1ght

I have realised that. Hence deciding to hand in my notice. I have not actually missed a day of work at all in years and years. I am reliable, I keep going, I am the one who covers when others are off, when there is a problem, who stays late, who doesn't mind if I have to do the job that no one else wants to do. My family have had multiple physical and mental health problems to deal with I have not missed any work, a member of my family was missing for days, I went to work. However, I am worried that I will not get through the next 4 weeks without making a huge mistake, or feeling even more stressed.

I've had lots of replies and a kick up the bum, thank you to everyone that has replied.

I am sorry that you have a stress related illness, but that does not mean that I am not allowed to feel hugely stressed myself, even if it is temporary, and I hope that by being under less pressure it will ease.

OP posts:
Original poster
cherrypepsimax · 28/07/2016 18:03

hownottofuckup

I actually have no idea if it is paid or not. The long term plan is to concentrate on the business, hence leaving other job. I didn't say I was going to launch 3 new product ranges during my notice period. I need to get myself together.

OP posts:
Thomasisintraining · 28/07/2016 18:08

I would go in and tell your boss that you are leaving in 4 weeks and describe your symptoms in details they may let you forgo your notice period given the fact that you are clearly struggling. Fair play to you for managing to thread water for this long.

Original poster
cherrypepsimax · 28/07/2016 18:10

Lorelei76

Thank you that is a good idea, I am going to ask if I can reduce hours until notice period ends.

OP posts:
witsender · 28/07/2016 18:18

I don't think anyone is saying that you are not genuinely stressed, but that this is a result of your additional job as well as your main one. As in, you could give up your own business instead of 'going on the sick'. (That term is frowned upon because tbh it makes it sound dodgy, like those who do it are pulling a fast one.)

So it wouldn't be justified to say it was ok to sign off sick from one and carry on with the other.

allegretto · 28/07/2016 18:23

Sounds like you need to take holiday leave rather than sick leave.

wheresthel1ght · 28/07/2016 18:39

But feeling stressed is not the same as suffering with stress as an illness.

You are not ill you are just overwrought/overstretched. That is not grounds to go off sick from work.

mirime · 28/07/2016 18:56

Really? My GP signed me off sick with stress after a hellish two weeks of very little sleep the first week or so of which I was caring almost 24 hours a day for my seriously ill fiance.

I was definitely overwrought and overstretched and could not cope with going back to work and having to smile politely at people making a big fuss about a button coming off a new shirt etc.

Original poster
cherrypepsimax · 28/07/2016 19:00

chest pains, unable to sleep, unable to concentrate are not signs of being ill with stress? Even temporary? Are you a GP? Or the stress police?

OP posts:
PansOnFire · 28/07/2016 19:00

If you're suffering those symptoms then they most definitely are stress related and you need to have some time off. But that does not mean that you take time off from your employment and continue to work on your own business. If you go on sick leave for stress then it's from both, not one or the other as this is just having your cake and eating it.

Instead of taking sick leave for 4 weeks you should perhaps cut back on your own business for a few weeks and let work know that you're struggling. That way it becomes fair, especially if your colleagues are going to be stretched because of annual leave etc.

MummyBex1985 · 28/07/2016 19:01

It's perfectly possible to be too ill to work in one job and not in another, particularly if long hours are contributing towards your stress levels.

Perhaps not strictly in line with the spirit of sick legal though, I suppose.

MummyBex1985 · 28/07/2016 19:02

Leave, not legal!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/07/2016 19:05

Are you serious?

I am not one for benefit bashing but maybe just leave and use the income from other job?

Cheby · 28/07/2016 19:07

Id go in, hand your notice in, explain why you are leaving and then ask to agree a manageable plan for between now and when you leave.

As a line manager I would far rather be given the opportunity to prioritise what i needed you to hand over and keep you at work on reduced duties than have you walk out leaving me in the shit.

JustGettingStarted · 28/07/2016 19:10

OP, is your other business profitable?

Is it extremely demanding on you?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 28/07/2016 19:13

Sorry..I see you had already admitted it was wrong when I answered.

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