Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ask him to wait?

48 replies

YourNewspaperIsShit · 28/07/2016 14:08

Due a delivery today slot is from 1:30pm-4pm, me and DP napped with the baby this morning until 12ish (to make up for sleep deprivation). I told DP at least 4 times he couldn't go out after 1:30pm until delivery had been. I have issues answering the door, i need to BF baby and it's furniture that I can't lift anyway.

DP starts to walk out the door at 1:35pm I ask what on earth he's doing (does anyone else's DP just walk off without saying anything?) and he says going for milk and bread coz he hasn't eaten all day.

Ensue blazing row because I "won't let him eat" and he'll only "be 10mins". But in my logic I'm terrified they'll turn up in those 10mins (sod's law right?) and he had over an hour to sort himself out or he could've woke up sooner.

Now I'm the bad guy because he "could've been there and back by now" When we do the 'big shop' he won't put anything in the trolley for himself because he doesn't know what he wants so we're always arguing about him being hungry. It's like having another child. AIBU? Am I just a generic nagging partner?

OP posts:

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 28/07/2016 14:44

He is BU, esp having read your updates.

You'd told him the delivery slot, and that he would have to be there to answer the door. Unreasonable of him to then try to go out 5 minutes after.

Original poster

YourNewspaperIsShit · 28/07/2016 14:46

Thanks Navy last time I mentioned it someone said I claimed all people with HFA couldn't answer the door, etc and it got a bit heated so was just trying to avoid it. But i suppose just saying I don't answer the door can make me sound a bit stubborn without backstory now I think it through

OP posts:

Lunar1 · 28/07/2016 14:48

I'd take yourself to the shop and leave him in to wait.

acasualobserver · 28/07/2016 14:49

Is there anything else to eat? Can he have that and go out after the delivery?

thisisafakename · 28/07/2016 14:50

Depending on where you live, is it possible for you to put the door on the latch with a note for the delivery-men to just leave the stuff in the hall/front room? Or does it need a signature?

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 28/07/2016 14:57

He was BU. He'd had plenty of the to go before 1:30.

People still suggesting that you went instead of him clearly haven't read the thread.

I'm sorry you have autism, it can be a struggle 💐 Is there anything you can do to work on being unable to open the door? It's very debilitating.

AskBasil · 28/07/2016 15:00

You are not being controlling, he is being inconsiderate and selfish.

Women are always told they're controlling when they expect the men they live with, to behave as actual partners

diddl · 28/07/2016 15:02

"It's just he had 1hr 30mins to go get some and he was just playing on his phone and mucking around the house"

That's the issue really, isn't it?

Could you leave a note on the door asking them to leave stuff in the drive/at the door?

Shout out of a window that you are busy with baby & can they leave it?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 28/07/2016 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McBassyPants · 28/07/2016 15:24

Okay well in light of the extra info. He was BU. He could/should have gone before the alloted delivery time

Lweji · 28/07/2016 15:25

He should have acted as if nobody else was at home to answer the door.
Would he have left for 10 min if waiting for a furniture delivery and nobody else was there?
Does he understand your issues?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 28/07/2016 15:29

I want to know what shop dies 2,5 hr delivery slots!

NavyandWhite · 28/07/2016 15:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elodie2000 · 28/07/2016 16:29

I really don't get this... What do you do about the door when your DP is at work? You could have planned the day between you - you got up at 12 so it would have been obvious that one of you needed to go shopping at some point if you didn't have basics so in the hour and a half you both had before 1.30pm, one of you could have got on with it!
Both of you ABU IMO.

TheUnsullied · 28/07/2016 18:21

After the update about your autism, I don't think you're being as unreasonable. But nor do I think your DH is unreasonable. I think given the time your DH decided you needed some shopping, if he had to be there to open the door, you should have been the one to go out. I don't think expecting him alone to work around what you can't do is reasonable when there are ways to work around those things together.

Original poster

YourNewspaperIsShit · 28/07/2016 18:22

Elodie I just don't answer it, and I don't eat milk or bread so wouldn't have noticed we didn't have it but would have gone if he'd mentioned it nicely I suppose, although it makes much more sense for him to drive there than me get the bus

OP posts:

Amelie10 · 28/07/2016 18:37

I still think Yabu. What would you do in an emergency situation where you have to open the door to let someone in? Also you have a child now, what do you plan to do about this?

happypoobum · 28/07/2016 18:47

It sounds like a poor communication issue. He maybe didn't quite realise he only had until then to go out? Or he wasn't listening to you?

As an aside, if you do not drive, why on earth are you living somewhere that is so far from a shop you can walk to, to get essentials like bread and milk? I live semi rural but it sounds like you live up a mountain or something!! It doesn't sound ideal when you have a baby.

DeathStare · 28/07/2016 20:13

Who booked the delivery?

If he booked it he is being unreasonable as he booked it knowing you can't answer the door so he had to be there.

If you booked it then you are being unreasonable. You know you can't answer the door so don't arrange for someone to arrive at your door and expect someone else to wait in and answer it.

RedHelenB · 28/07/2016 21:14

I replied to your OP where you said you"!told him" and that is unreasonable and controlling. As someone else has said, you now have a child and you need to be responsible for child on your own unless your disabilty is so bad you need a constant carer ? And that does include opening a door.

NerrSnerr · 28/07/2016 21:18

Are there no shops within walking distance? Not even a small one? Have you ever had help for not being able to open the door? It's worrying if there was an emergency.

Original poster

YourNewspaperIsShit · 28/07/2016 21:35

If you guys don't understand Autism that's fine but please don't project your lack of understanding onto me and derail the thread thanks. Also Death we live together and yes Red i pretty much do need constant care.

Although the only emergency circumstance I can think of would be an ambulance and those situations are a damn site different to having furniture delivered. Yes "i told" him the time If you know what time something is arriving because you get the email then surely you tell the other person living in the house....

OP posts:

Original poster

YourNewspaperIsShit · 28/07/2016 21:38

Also you have a child now, what do you plan to do about this?

How very intrusive and something you really don't need to know This is why I don't like stating I have HFA in the first place. I actually have two children, one of them is 4years old and she's absolutely fab thanks.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2