to think that it is harder to be a mum as a foreigner

[Mamaprima]

Hi all. I've been living in UK for almost 4 years. I have a DS and I'm on maternity leave. I try to integrate as much as possible, but sometimes it feels like the locals are the ones who won't let us foreigners integrate. It's like they do not want to befriend a foreigner. I go to few baby classes, but the other mums are quite reserved. I have a neighbour who has a DC almost the same age as mine. We used to go for walks together and meet with some other mums that she knew. Recently she started to avoid talking to me. I mean, she won't talk as much when we meet at the baby classes and she won't text me anymore. She got really close to other mums that she knew. They do lots of stuff together. I feel like I've been left on the side, mainly by her. I'm a bit shy and may be this is the problem, but I do my best to overcome this "issue".

I think a lot of it is down to what language you speak, at our baby group there's a Polish mum and a Czech Mum, the Polish lady can't speak English very well and after 2 years she hasn't made any friends beyond the group whereas Czech Mom is fluent and has a lot of friends.

I do feel sorry for her and speak to her most weeks but it's really hard to when you can't have anything more than a basic conversation.

Yes. I think it is. I live in Italy, DS's baby/toddler years were the loneliest of my life.

I was "doing it wrong signora" by local standards, so my confidence was in my boot,

I think people avoided me because ... well I was hard work. I was very down, my cultural cues were different. I didn't get the jokes. Nobody understood mine. My Italian was fine, but stress and tiredness blunted my ability to communicate well. And they were knackered too, so had no extra energy to spend on the extra concentration needed to follow my train of thought.

Our foreignness may be causing distance, but that doesn't mean it's a rejection of foreign mums per se.

I promise you it can and does get better. I've always been on a different page to most people here about things like bedtimes, no 1st communion, , no believing in colpa d'aria, education... stuff like that. But once I got over the tiny child hump, I found to easier to rub along with people, and they with me. No matter how very different the details of our parenting can be. Or how eclectic my prepositions can get when I'm over excited

DS is 16 now, but I do remember the out of step, lonely and misunderstood days when he was very small very well.

So

But iPost colpo d'aria is a real and dangerous threat! I got told off today for letting DS leave summer camp without drying his sweaty head.

I have been to a number of baby groups and have befriended all sorts, foreign or local and not part of my NCT group either - I branched out and did stuff by myself so I wasn't limited to just that group - they went to groups together.

I still see a mum regularly who is Bulgarian and I finished the class last July! However there is a mum at our swimming class who is foreign who I just don't gel with - she is always very blunt verging on rude so I am polite and chat but wouldn't make an effort to do anything outside of the class - same applies to some of the locals as well though to be honest!

allegretto

The Army of the Nonni have given up trying to bring me over to the dark side on that one. They aren't sure how to argue with my decade long response that DS is essentially half-Viking and has natural immunity from Cd'A

I'm British OP but have the same thing happen to me - cos I'm not 'local' (ie have lived here 5 years and have two locally-born children but wasn't born here and didn't go to school with them). Most of my friends here are foreign - we're all 'outsiders!' But we rock so who cares.

Pasta right there with ya! I'm tired of trying to make in roads with the SE Mummy lot. I have made a few close friends, but typically they're friends who are in a similar position to myself (northerner down south).