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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go away while off sick?

61 replies

eggpoacher · 27/07/2016 16:41

I'm off with depression and burnout. Can't cope with being around people, the phone ringing, answering the door, anything unexpected causes stress. My GP has signed me off for 6 weeks (and says that from listening to me, that might not be the end of this).
I want to take myself off camping in the middle of nowhere and take a complete break, but my colleague/friend thinks I shouldn't do that as people will think I'm taking advantage and I'm not really ill.
I feel I need this. I don't believe that the only way to be depressed is hiding under the duvet all day. AIBU to go?

OP posts:
BuntyFigglesworthSpiffington · 27/07/2016 17:04

'People would convalesce by the sea in years gone by.'

Wouldn't it be lovely if after a bout of the flu or similar we were sent to the seaside and had someone wheel us up and down the promenade for a couple of days. Tartan rug on knees and hipflask in hand.

spidey66 · 27/07/2016 17:04

I was off sick end of last year (not a mental health issue though-recovery from a hysterectomy). I did go to Cornwall for a few days when I was mobile. However (and I may get slated for this) I would be doubtful about going long haul when off sick. My husband's mate had a heart attack, then while he was off sick posted pictures on FB of him in Las Vegas. Like why would you want to go to a country with high medical costs when you've just had a heart attack?

As for staying in 24/7 though, that's ridiculous. You still have to buy food/go to GP/Boots/ hospital ppointments. Or you may be doing some exercise depending on why you're off.

Essexmum69 · 27/07/2016 17:05

Absolutely go, going away or to stay with friends/relatives is understandable when ill especially if you live alone but do tell someone at work that you will not be at home. We had a situation last year when a member of staff was off with stress and could not be contacted by the OH department or any of her friends/colleagues and serious concerns started to be raised about her wellbeing. It turned out she was safe and staying with relatives but we were on the point of reporting her as a missing person.

Bailey101 · 27/07/2016 17:10

I was signed off with stress a few years ago, and my manager took me out to dinner and spent most of it trying to convince me to travel 6 hours to go stay with family.

If you were off with a bad back or something then it would be different, but with mental health issues, getting away from it all can do you the world of good!

Scarydinosaurs · 27/07/2016 17:11

Bunty, I'll get the rug if you can find a wheelchair! We can take it in turns to push, or find a desperate looking student willing to push for a pint.

nuttymango · 27/07/2016 17:11

Go for it. It's not like you have a contagious disease and have to stay at home. It'll probably do you good.

BigTroubleInLittleChina · 27/07/2016 17:11

You've been signed off worked, not going away.

Cutecat78 · 27/07/2016 17:13

We had a colleague who was off with stress and she posted pictures of herself all over FB getting drunk and dancing in Turkey with her skirt over her head, showing thigh etc etc (in her 60s) Grin

Chewbecca · 27/07/2016 17:16

So, unanimous YANBU. Time to start planning books to take I think!
Have you read the novels by Robert Galbraith (aka JK Rowling)? They are soooo good & I found them to be the sort of book you get really wrapped up in.

Original poster
eggpoacher · 27/07/2016 17:16

There probably won't be mobile phone coverage where I intend to go, so no worries about Facebook posts Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
eggpoacher · 27/07/2016 17:18

I don't know Chewbecca, I haven't been able to concentrate on reading, but may do when I go away. So far I've packed a sleeping bag and a good bottle of single malt.

OP posts:
MilicentKing · 27/07/2016 17:19

You need a different friend.
I recently did exactly as you want to do.
I am in the middle of a hideous divorce which is affecting my mental and physical health hugely.

Took myself off alone for 3 nights, no phone, no internet. The few friends I told didn't question it at all, they just wanted the contact number of where I was in case of emergency ie they were looking out for me and my kids (who stayed home with stbx).

It was the best thing I did. I well up with tears thinking about that time, as I just want to go back.

Whathaveilost · 27/07/2016 17:22

My Union and my doctor advised me to go away when I was off.

It didn't make me better but it did help especially as I went to one of my favorite places off the coast of Scotland.

Whathaveilost · 27/07/2016 17:24

Also when I was off, when I was on the mend and started doing things with friends again the didn't tag me into any FB stuff when I was with them. I had a complete shut down from posting for 4 months.

Ladythraps · 27/07/2016 17:24

I have been on holiday abroad when off sick with severe anxiety and depression. I felt terribly guilty but I was actively encouraged to do so by my GP.

I didn't tell anyone at work I was going away and none of them know to this day. However, I had the full consent of the doctor behind me so I shouldn't have felt so shifty about it. But you do feel guilty, it's human nature, especially if you're conscientious at work.

I would definitely go, if I were you. I'm sure it will do you the power of good. I suffer depression too so you have my every sympathy.

Birdsgottafly · 27/07/2016 17:25

My Mum worked for Littlewoods (John Moores) and the Company had places that they'd send people for a few days-week, to 'convalesce'. My Mum went to their place in Scotland, after a Hysterectomy, a work colleague went at the same time, after being bereaved. You had to sneak your own booze in, though.

A change of scenery always does you good.

KittyLaRoux · 27/07/2016 17:26

You've been signed off worked, not going away

With stress and depression holidays are seen as a positive by GPs and therapists as is socialising Bigtrouble.

Beeziekn33ze · 27/07/2016 17:27

Have a relaxing and restorative break! 🌿

KittyLaRoux · 27/07/2016 17:27

I just re-read that sorry Big i misunderstood.

youshouldcancelthecheque · 27/07/2016 17:30

do it but don't tell that colleague or work that you are doing?

Agree a keep in touch plan with work for when you are signed off, then you don't have to worry that they might call, email etc if you have managed it,

Check your HR policy to see if there a formal keep in touch policy, if not you set the guidelines.

juneau · 27/07/2016 17:33

A holiday sounds like just what the doctor would order for someone with depression and burnout. I know its just what I would want if I was suffering in that way. Are you sure you want to go camping in a field though? Wouldn't a nice, peaceful, family-run hotel in the middle of nowhere be more comfortable and comforting to the soul?

juneau · 27/07/2016 17:35

Or a self-catering cottage, if you just want to get away from other humans?

MilicentKing · 27/07/2016 17:35

Yes, the only person at work who knew I was away was my line manager and he has been very, very supportive.

I didn't even tell colleagues who know of my personal situation (because actually they don't know every single bit of it).

OP, I didn't know whether I'd have a complete breakdown, spend the whole time crying or shut down or overthinking, or what. It didn't matter because I only had to look after myself.

In the end I slept, slept, slept, read, walked and walked and that's about it.
Probably looked like I was someone with the weight of the world on my shoulders but I was anonymous and didn't care.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 27/07/2016 17:35

Yanbu, get better. some time away will help

however after 6 weeks it wont go away on its own my dear, are you having talking therapy treatment

Judydreamsofhorses · 27/07/2016 17:41

The culture in my work is such that I am always scared to leave the house if I'm off sick - last time I was off I went to Tesco for milk (ten minutes away) and was really afraid someone would spot me. Ridiculous, as I was off with a chest infection and looked absolutely hellish, plus that was my first absence in four years.

Definitely go, OP, it sounds like the tonic you need.