Questioning my financial choices?

[UncomfortableScratcher]

Really fed up this evening. I'm a single parent (1 two year old) earning about £41,000 Gross and receive circa £7,000 Net annually from STBXH. I don't live in SE and theoretically should have a good standard of living but it hasn't worked out like that.

I'm spending thousands every few months in legal fees for the divorce financial settlement and ongoing contact proceedings. Getting nowhere trying to get a fair share of the house equity - the fact that I earn a decent salary of my own is counting against me. And now I'm really not able to do more than a token recognition of my child's birthday in a couple of weeks - definitely no cake/family party etc. Really stretched for money.

I'm just questioning my financial choices. Other people who've chosen to work less hours/ rely on tax credits etc seem to have a far better quality of life. I work about 50 hours a week, with my child generally in nursery from 07:30 - 18:00/have to work at home most evenings etc, and it seems I have nothing to show for it. I'm wondering whether I should just have taken a part time role, had more time with my child as that seemingly would have made no difference to my financial situation?

Don't think that about surviving on Tax credits. I have done that and it's AWFUL.

My friend was in your situation recently and she decided to walk away from the house settlement because she was wasting so much money.

Contact is different of course.

Nursery is soooo expensive - you will feel a financial weight lift off your shoulders once your dc is in school. And as for a birthday cake - can't you make one or buy a supermarket cake (maybe personalise it?). Parties don't have to be expensive - jelly and ice cream (and good weather) is all you need, really.

I was a winter born and was always super envious of the child in my class that had a picnic in the park birthday- is that an option?

Reduce your hours. I could write lots and lots but that is pointless. Rather like the time you are spending at work and away from your child without enough financial recompense.

It sounds really demoralizing and difficult, I can see why you want to change things, BUT

1. There's no guarantee that there will be any future support/benefits in the future either from ExH or the gov, so having your own income is important.
2. There's only so long that the legal stuff can drag on - even if you just cut your losses.
3. There's only so long that you need to pay FT childcare.

When DD started at school it made a HUGE difference to our income - it really was the turning point between scraping by and being able to enjoy things. I know that seems like forever away, but if you work PT you may never get to benefit from that, and it will upset you when DD is older and wanting to do activities and have things.

So weigh all of that up before making a decision, although obviously it's your life and your choices.