To think the teacher handled this wrong?!

[DietCokeNoIcePlease]

We know it's abit late to do anything about this now however we have only just found out what has happened... My cousin is an extremely shy girl and finds it extremely hard to form friendships with her peers , from the moment she enters the school class room until the end of day bell she doesn't say a word to anyone. The only time she would talk is when they have a break and she may feel confident enough to talk to her small group of friends.

Last week was her last week of school and during class she passed a note onto her friend asking him about the work because she didn't feel like she could ask the teacher. The teacher saw her passing the note to her friend and took the note and started asking the class if he should read it to the class and the rest of the class started chanting and whistling at the situation, one boy apprently said they must've been flirting and the teacher again asked if he should read it. This resulted in my cousin feeling very uncomfortable and upset and running out of class in tears.

The last day of school she spent on her own and didn't talk to her friends because she was nervous of what people would think, she now doesn't want to go out with her friends during the holiday.

We only know this happened because her friend came to the door to ask if she wanted to go out and then explained to her mother what had happened.

She is in year 6

I would have thought with all the time teachers spend learning about management techniques things would have moved on since the 70's clearly not. Idiots

OP - I teach secondary and I've had a few very shy pupils come through my doors and it can be very difficult to gauge a child's progress if they are too shy to communicate.

I think this teacher handled it all wrong but the question is what are the child's parents and wider family doing to help with the shyness?

What is your cousin like at home - is she just as shy around family?

School should have picked up her selective mutism earlier; they have failed to put the appropriate support in place. This was handled really badly by the teacher.

Sounds like selective mutism. Needs to be addressed and would make her behaviour into coping strategy rather than nuisance.

Teacher sounds like he's trying to be Mr Popular, allowing poor behaviour to happen when he'd intercepted the note. Bit of a twat, given he should know about the child's issues. It's not the way to encourage her to ask for help.

And I have to say Pissssedoff that I've never come across a teacher nowadays who would use this type of humiliation technique so we're not all idiots thanks very much

In fact, any teacher using techniques like humiliation should be getting "supported" with their classroom management style.

I have two adult DC who went all through school without being humiliated by a teacher and I don't believe any of their friends were either.

babyboomersrock I too thought that this sort of humiliation of vulnerable pupils by teachers had died a death. We had an 2nd world war/ national service veteran in the final year of primary who did this sort of thing. It never did any good (and neither did the strap that he used often).

This school year has been incredibly difficult for all involved, especially her... In the past 12 months her dad died in a motorcycle accident she was a proper daddy's girl through and through, she was shy before but it's now a lot worse ( she used to manage to ask for help) but since loosing her dad she has shut down.

I didn't want to mention this because she does know right from wrong and should be treated fairly knowing she does know the rules however in a professional manner.

We are in the process of getting her professional help and she is due to go to a holiday club a few times a week but we do realise she does need as much help as possible.

From the moment she enters the school classroom until the end of day bell she doesn't say a word to anyone
Has she been like this all the way through school? She's now in Year 6...
What are her parents doing about it? . Not being allowed to pass notes in class is not the real problem here... She needs serious help.

DietCokeNoIcePlease

What does the school have in place to support your DN?
Someone up-thread mentioned coloured cards when asking for help, (doesn't need to be cards could be anything noticeable).

Poor kid. And presumably the teacher knows her dad died in the last year. He shouldn't have let her be humiliated like that.

Personally, I feel you should say something. My sis and I were terribly upset when my niece told us about eating lunch in the loos. My sis chose not to report it, because my niece had already moved to secondary school and was happier, and she's her mother, therefore, her call. However, it still infuriates me that it happened, and I feel as though the school 'got away with it', so to speak.

This is bloody awful. A bully of a teacher. He should have just removed the note and told her to see him after class. And you know, tried to help her understand the school work as that's what he's paid to do. What a complete jerk.

I'm a teacher and I think it sounds awful. Yes children should be punished for passing notes. No that should not involve encouraging the rest of the class to humiliate and embarrass them. Does the teacher not have a behaviour policy? I'd have given her a verbal warning then if no further issues would have had a quick talking to at break. Encouraging the rest of the class to join in with shaming one student is an awful thing to do.

It sounds like she has selective mutism which is brought on through anxiety. The school should be accessing help for her through an ed psych but her dm could speak to GP and ask for a referral to a child psychologist and a speech therapist. My son had SM but with support he got back his voice. Your neice needs support and not ridicule.

What school does work on the last day before the summer holidays?

Surely if she doesn't speak at all, this is selective mutism and the teacher would know this? The teacher would also know she had just suffered a very serious bereavement?

All seems a bit strange. I can't imagine any teacher reacting that way in those circumstances. There would be measures and support in place to help/ encourage her to communicate.

It was insensitive and Miss Honey would never have dreamt of doing it that.

She's clearly struggling but she shouldn't be passing notes and she knows that at her age. Also it's disruptive to the child she's passing the note too and that child deserves not to be disturbed. The teacher could have been more sensitive but it's a pretty standard response that best serves the whole class.

Welcome to MN, Diet

I think you should focus on helping your Cousin to be less shy than worry about this incident (especially given that we don't actually have the whole story here) this seems to me to be quite a worrying over reaction if it is stopping her seeing her friends.

What concerns me is that she has got through what 6 years in school without any help to bring her out of herself.
I think not even being able to communicate goes deeper than shyness. I was very shy as a child, but I still used to talk.

This makes me so cross. I was shy at school. Many teachers were always saying I needed to be less shy but those same teachers would often do things to humiliate me like this. One in particular at the start of juniors and made my shyness crippling during my last few years at primary school. It took years to get my confidence back. Humiliation should never be a discipline strategy. It doesn't help anyone and for some kids it can make things so much worse.

I'd have taken the note, read it, then taken the child out to speak to her privately about how to ask for help if she felt too shy to speak.
If I catch children sending notes, I take it from them, read it and then deal with it appropriately. That might mean speaking to the children concerned privately.
And it might also mean having a word with the whole class. I'd never read out a note to the class! I've threatened to, if it was something nasty, but if it's about needing help with their work; well then, that's a signal for me as a teacher to make myself more accessible in whatever way.
I'd have a chat with the whole class about always asking for help if they need it, or letting me know that they need to let me know in some way!

I thought the teacher was a twat before your last post. Now I am sure of it.

In my experience, Male teachers are much worse for the old style teaching.

Your Cousin desperately needs support. Poor girl :(

Sounds like professional help is required here, selective mutism does not disappear on its own. Have the school requested an Ed psych assessment? Has the school SENCo been involved in any way? If not then a meeting with the SENCo in September would be a good idea.

The teachers response in this instance was not helpful.