To worry I won't love DC2 as much as I love DD1?

[PinkyofPie]

I'm currently 4 months pregnant with DC2. I have a 3yo DD. After a bit of birth trauma we had a bit of a shaky start. Looking back I suspect I had very mild undiagnosed PND. I was very indifferent to DD for a long time and didn't enjoy being a mum til she was maybe about 2. I have learnt a lot of lessons and overcome a few demons too.

Anyhow, she has just turned 3 and what a difference in our relationship - I love her so much I could tear down the moon and give it to her if she wanted. She makes me so elated and proud every day, I adore every part of her. I'm probably very lucky as she is a 'good' child for the most part and we have very little hassle with her. She is kind and funny and smart and just a pure joy to be around. I'm sure everyone feels like this about their kids but I never ever thought I'd feel this way.

Now in pregnant I keep thinking "how will I love this baby like I love DD". Aside from worries about having a repeat experience with this one, I just don't see how they could measure up to her - I'm v worried that I won't see them in the same way I see her, and that this will show.

Is this normal? I don't have many friends who have more than 1 to turn to, and even so I have never even told DH about my feelings about DD in the early days and my internal struggles, they're words I darent utter out loud. It's not that he's not supportive, it's that I'm scared to have that conversation myself, especially when I've moved on so greatly, I don't like taking over old ground

I actually 'argued' with my mum that I wouldn't love my second as much as my first, I absolutely do though.

Another thing to consider is that the baby isnt just a 'gift' for the mum and dad, its a wonderful 'gift' for the first born. The love you have for DC1 will not only be exactly the same for DC2 but you have the additional love that they will have for each other and that is truly a gift. Thats a lot of loves.

Thanks everyone! I feel lots better, just to know I'm not alone! DD is SO excited to be a big sister, keeps talking to and cuddling my bump. But last night when I was telling her that she's my baby, she said "will the new baby be your baby too?" and I actually felt the need to say "not like you" but I didn't, instead I said "you'll both be my babies" and she looked very upset. I felt awful, I told her it would also be her baby and daddy's baby as much as mine, but I really felt like I'd pushed her out by just saying that DH and I agreed from now on we say "our baby" and reinforce that the baby is hers too. It's so bloody hard isn't it! I feel guilty already because I feel sad that we will no longer be a family of 3 and I'll miss our little trio unit poor DC2 hasn't even been born yet

I'm 7mo pregnant with DS2 and DS1 will be 2 and a bit when the new baby comes. I'm excited for the new baby of course and I don't doubt that I will love him but it's really hard to imagine loving him the way I do DS1. I also worry that DS1's little world will be shattered :( this thread has been really positive to read though. I just hope DS1 enjoys being a big brother

Totally normal. I took a long time to bond with DS1 and couldn't imagine I could love DS2 as much.

What took me by surprise with DS2 was the instant love I felt. However I was terribly upset as I suddenly felt quite negative about DS1 - he seemed so noisy and big and annoying by comparison. It was only hormones and lack of sleep, and I made sure I showered both of them in affection and made time for both of them, and the balance was restored within a few weeks. I utterly, utterly adore them both - equally.

So yes, it's normal to worry but don't beat yourself up about whatever you feel when DC2 arrives - eventually, things will settle down and you'll find that that love has doubled.

I have 11 kids and manage to love them all equally!! It never crossed my mind that I wouldn't. Though obviously some were 'easier' babies than others - as in weaning /sleeping and behaviour - but all equally loveable!!