Neighbours

[onethingoranother]

Posting in AIBU as I really need advice on how to deal with this. I'm not a nosy neighbour by any means, I am also not a perfect parent but my god I'm shaken & I'm not sure what to do. DH & I are sat outside in the garden, BBQ'ing, chatting & enjoying the evening. Next door's DC (they have two, a boy aged 2 & a girl around 7/8) have been crying. This isn't unusual - I regularly hear the mum screaming at the children (mainly the little boy, in the day-time when the girl is at school) and by scream, I really do mean scream. It's very hard to hear but I have brushed it off as simply none of my business. Anyway, next thing you know, the dad & the kids (can't decide if there is just the one outside or both of them) are in the garden, the dad is screaming shut up, shut up & making a growling snarling noise (kid screaming & crying, getting hysterical). We then hear smacking. Hear, not see. We sit for a while & listen. DH gets up, goes to the fence (they are very high & view is obscured) & doesn't see, but hears skin on flesh i.e. repeated smacking of the girl. The girl's pitch (cries) then increased. DH shouts out 'you better not be doing what I think you're doing else I'm going to come round and see you'. Promptly followed by me rushing over & begging DH not to get involved, & to sit back down. I reiterated to DH that yes, its absolutely wrong but it's nothing to do with us & begging him not to become involved. As I sit here now, we can still here crying/screaming children inside the house. I really don't know what to do. I have told DH I am going to mention this at the Children's Centre where I regularly take DD to groups. I have seen the mum there a few times so I'm not sure whether they are aware of any problems. Is that enough? Should I not even do that? I am sitting here close to tears at the thought of that little girl next door. The 'dad' is definitely the boy's father but I'm not sure he is the girl's father.

WWYD, and AIBU to report it to the Children's Centre? I'm not even sure they would do anything, as neither would the police (DH wanted to call them but I reminded him smacking a child isn't illegal & we didn't actually see anything).

Or tell me to mind my own business.

I've taken 20-minutes to write this & I can still hear crying.

Just tell them exactly what you heard. They will ask you appropriate questions. Just be honest.

Just be honest. Do not downplay or exaggerate what you heard or have witnessed in the past. Just give them plain facts to work with.

You've stood up they know you've stood up, so tell the police everything. Literally every bit you can remember, if the shits hitting the fan make sure it's all of it!
You've done the right things, well done.

Smacking a child isn't illegal, BUT, excessive punishment or a punishment that a child can't defend itself against is classed as abuse... (Can't remember full citation but the judge was Cockburn,)

You need to speak with the police, the fact the screams continued inside the house after gives evidence that this arsehole parent believes that he can do what he likes to his children... And children should not be screamed at at all, let alone daily!!!

This is a police and social services matter Hun, please call them...

Your op was hard to read. You have definately done the right thing phoning the police. Safe guarding children is everyones business and don't feel bad for not ringing them sooner. Just tell the police what you told us. Let them decide what to do.

onething is it possible to up date us on how you got on with the police ? i now it was horrible for you and dh but at least sharing it on here and with the police has hopefully taken the burden off of you alittle, although you can't 'unhear' what you've heard already.

We had this with our old neighbours and I called the police requesting a welfare check.

They came very quickly and arrested the mum, we saw her being taken away in the police car screaming and sobbing about how 'it wasn't fair'.

Social Services were then involved with the family and within 6mths the very unsettled toddler became a much happier little boy and his mum was more able to cope. With her, it wasn't that she was an awful person just that she'd always had nannies and had no idea how to parent her children herself.

It completely ruined the neighbourly relations though - they never spoke to us again and tipped a 2l bottle of undiluted weed killer over our fence when they moved out. Even with all the hassle from them, I never regretted calling the police.