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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Re: siblings looking after younger siblings - ok or not

45 replies

WhatInTheWorld76 · 23/07/2016 18:40

Is it all right to leave a 14 yr old girl in charge of a 7 yr old boy for two hours during the day?

What do you think? I think it's OK all things considered but my friend thinks it's neglectful and asking for trouble.

I'm unsure about the legalities vs the reality.Does anyone leave similar aged children alone like this or do people book the childminder for two hours only?

I doubt anyone would be brave enough to admit it but if you have then please share why! Or alternatively why not? I hope this isn't going to turn into a thread like the seatbelts debate......

AIBU to say that if the children are sensible and responsible then two hours is acceptable?

OP posts:

CharminglyGawky · 23/07/2016 18:55

When I was 15 I was babysitting an 8 year old and a 5 year old for a full working day. I was mature and the kids were well behaved. I was also left with a list of all relevant emergency contacts, just in case. It was fine!

As long as the 14 year old is sensible and the 7 year old is likely to listen to them it's fine. Especially as it is just 2 hours!

I wasn't the sibling of the little ones I looked after though, I was family but had the 'older relative awe' working on my side, they were brilliantly behaved as they thought spending the day with me was pretty much a treat (I agreed with them, I loved spending time with them!)

Bryna · 23/07/2016 18:57

I was babysitting a family of 5 chidren under 8 at the age of 14!! As long as they are mature enough to cope with an emergency and the sibling rivalry isn't there, it's not a problem.

n0ne · 23/07/2016 18:58

Our NDN's 15yo DD has been babysitting our DD(3) for a year now. We trust her implicitly. I was also babysitting 3 kids 3-8yo by 13. Some kids can handle it, some can't.

Ragwort · 23/07/2016 19:03

Unless there are very, very exceptional circumstances then yes, of course it would be fine. Why don't you do a trial for half an hour or so first if you are really concerned? If it is only a couple of hours the chances are that they might not even realise you have gone out. .

But I never understand why the older child should be 'paid' - surely it is just helping out which is what families do?

Therealloislane · 23/07/2016 19:05

My two are 15 & 12 & stay at home in the summer whilst I work.

Dd (15) is very sensible & ds is too - they don't get up until lunch time anyway & dh is home around 4pm.

Dh works nights every second week so it's not all summer they're home by themselves.

I see no harm in it.

MrsJayy · 23/07/2016 19:08

It is 2 hours it is fine you have a drs appouintment a 14yr old is well old enough for a bit of responsibility

Original poster

WhatInTheWorld76 · 23/07/2016 20:36

Looks like its unanimous.
Thanks MN!!

OP posts:

pleasemothermay1 · 23/07/2016 20:41

I think it depends

If it's a one off or now and again then fine abut older siblings should not be relied upon to be childminders and provide regular childcarE

My sister did this from 14-18 years old we don't speak now she feels I stole away her teenage years she could never go out because she had me she actually treated me pretty badly often leaving me places or locking me in the kitchen

KittensWithWeapons · 23/07/2016 20:46

Well I guess it depends on the individual 14 year old but generally, I think it's fine. I started babysitting at 11 and was regularly left in charge of a 7 year old and a 1 year old (so changing nappies etc) from 7/8pm until 2/3am. This was before everyone had mobiles so I'd be given the phone number of the bar or restaurant that the parents were in, in case of emergency, and that was it. It was great, I earned a few quid (for buying Sweet Valley High books and X-Files magazines and videos ) and really enjoyed it.

AuditAngel · 23/07/2016 20:47

My oldest is 12 (well, in 2 weeks he will be) and I would leave him with DD2 for that amount of time, she's 5, but I wouldn't leave DD1 (9) with him for more thAn half an hour because they squabble.

All depends on the children.

There are no specific rule as we wanted to check before we started leaving DS alone, getting him ready for the transition to high school.

Sallystyle · 23/07/2016 20:51

I let my 15 year old look after my 7 and 9 year olds for an hour or two.

Usually just when we are going for a walk etc and they don't want to come or if DH needs to go out in the evening and I'm working.

If they had plans then I wouldn't ask them unless it was really necessary but if they are in anyway I see no issue with it.

DramaAlpaca · 23/07/2016 20:55

It's fine, OP.

My eldest used to look after his younger siblings occasionally from the age of 14. As long as the siblings get on and follow the usual safety rules at home I'd encourage it, actually.

UterusUterusGhali · 23/07/2016 21:00

Totally depends on the children.

My 14yo babysits for my younger two quite often. She gets paid for it. She is very sensible. There are strict rules in place.

It's not actually illegal at any age but the parent can be charged with neglect if it's inappropriate or a child comes to harm.

TrickyD · 23/07/2016 21:06

In 1947, when I was three years old, my parents employed a live in 'maid' , as they were known then, mainly to look after me, as they were both working.

Dear Ivy, whom I adored, was 14. She is still going strong. She and I often talk about the time she lived with us. We particularly marvel at how my parents occasionally went out for the day by train, in connection with their business, and Ivy, at 14, was left in sole charge of me with no means of communicating with them.

Today such arrangements would result in 'Report to SS!'. No one seemed to have turned a hair then.

HedgehogHedgehog · 23/07/2016 21:21

Yes i think thats fine once in a while. Not something to rely on regularly just because thats not really fair on the 14 year old. But every now and then if you think your 14 year old is fairly responsible then yes fine!

limon · 23/07/2016 21:22

What is the 14 year old opinion? If s/he's happy and you trust him or her that's fine.

molyholy · 23/07/2016 21:29

I see you have already responded OP, but just come one to agree with the majority. I regularly looked after my younger brother from the age of about 13 and her was 4/5. I was a sensible teen tho and my brother was 5 going on 15. But I loved him so much that I used to ask to take him with me to the shops etc. When I think back now (26 yrs ago!) the only thing I regret is not asking for babysitting money

hidingwithwine · 23/07/2016 21:33

I've left my teens (14/16) looking after their brother (7) for increasing amounts of time over the past year or so. As others have said, I was babysitting wee tiny babies in remote farmhouses without the joy of mobile phones at 14.

RavioliOnToast · 23/07/2016 21:37

I left my 13yo cousin to watch my 17mo and 4yo while I went to the hairdressers.

In my defence it was only a haircut, took less than an hour and she's Canadian so has been on that babysitting course with the first aid and all that in it

horrendous parent

MrsJayy · 23/07/2016 21:39

I used to watch my sister in the overlap when my mum was working till my step dad came in if he was on a late shift at 14 was 2 hours at most

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