Is it odd to take a 2 year old to a graveyard?

[Rickstone]

My MIL thinks it's really unfair. I'm sorry for the lack of information, I'm just so upset.

I walk through one when we go to the park. My neighbours son is buried there and we talk about him regularly, we find his name on our town war memorial and on the plaque at the cemetery. There's a regular cemetery and a natural one that we will be planting a tree for my aunty at the next planting so we go and talk about her aswell.

My 4 year old thinks that is heaven.
There's a field next to it that's full of rabbits and she thinks that's rabbit heaven

I have a DD buried at the cemetery and I have taken my 3yo once or twice but try to avoid it. I won't take her once she's old enough to understand what the cemetery is. I wouldn't mind people having children at a cemetery though as long as they are kept close and not running over graves or playing with the babies toys, it's just not what I do with my DD's personally but children are blessings in grief to some.

Thank you, that's very helpful. Sorry for your losses I just like DS2 to know about DS1, etc.

My Nan, born 1910, wanted to get cremated, because she was made to go to (Catholic) Church every Sunday and Grave visiting, as a Infant/Child, as was the done thing, in her neighbourhood.

She found visiting the laid out dead, at home, fascinating, though.

One of our City Farms, here in Liverpool, is part of two Graveyards.

Some people don't like children at funerals, in Graveyards, but that's just a personal opinion.

I think it's important for children to understand that death is a part of life, so I would say your MIL is BU. Has she told you not to tell your DD about your DS too? In some cases I think it is a generational thing; they dislike conversation about death and think it should be kept from children at all costs. Obviously I disagree.

I'm sorry about your DS

of course it's not odd, it's a perfectly natural and lovely thing to do.

MY sister lost her first DD and the two children who followed went often to visit their sister and take flowers, we all talk about her and she's part of the family. How you deal with you're Ds has nothing to do with your MIL. Tell her you will do want helps and pleases you for your DS.

Whoops, said DD when I meant DS2, apologies

Not odd at all. Your DS1 is part of your family. And you are DS2's mother so it's up to you to decide when to take him.

I take my children to my grandparents' grave regularly. Taking flowers there and talking about them is something we do regularly so you are not alone in taking your child.

I don't get many chances to get to my dad's grave, but when I do, the DCs come with me. Last time they were 4 and 2. The 4 year old has lots of questions about life, death, the universe and everything. I also want him to have a sense of what my dad was like as he'd have loved my children.

Our church has a grave yard in its grounds. At family events like Easter and the Queen's birthday, they use it as outdoor space.

Nothing odd at all.

You're visiting a family member. Why would you hide DC's older sibling?

FWIW my children walk through a graveyard every day and past a child's grave. We talk about it.

We visit family graves. Why would you not?

So sorry for your loss.

I think it's perfectly normal, natural and right to take your child.

Nope, I always used to go with my mum when she tended to family graves from being very small. As I got a bit older I used to put spare flowers on graves that had none because that made me sad. I have nice memories of wandering round, and never found it scary or weird. Still like a walk round now. Sorry for your loss x

My dd has been to her grandma's grave. It's Dp mum. We take her and talk about grandma. She was a couple of weeks old the first time we went. Grandma died the week before dd was born. I also talk about grandma. We have a blanket that she made

Absolutely normal. Your MIL is unreasonable. Years ago We took our DSs to put flowers on FIL grave DS2 had recently been toilet trained and before we had chance to react had whipped his jeans and pants down to his ankles and weed up against his grandma's headstone.

I take my 15 month old daughter to visit her big brothers grave every week after playgroup (playgroup is held in the church hall next to the graveyard). She likes to look at the flowers and his toys, she waves to him and blows him kisses then wants to look over the wall to see the chickens in the neighbouring allotments. I wish she didn't have to go, I wish she had a 3 year old big brother to play with but she doesn't. I couldn't take her to playgroup and not visit my boy though. It's not wrong it's just different, if you've lost a child you fund yourself having to find new ways of getting through life. I never thought I'd eat my lunch in a graveyard but I've had quite a few picnics sat next to my son's grave, it's quiet and peaceful and I just want to be close to where he is x

I used to live next to one and I'd walk with my toddler in it often. It was one of those old churchyard jobbies. I find them quite sad yet peaceful. Mum used to come sometimes, too and walk my little baby in the pram. When she died I snuck some of her ashes in there!

I think it depends how often you are going with your 2 year old. Once in a while, completely fine. Every day, perhaps not.

No. I think it is far healthier for children to be brought up with death as a very sad fact of life than as something to be hidden away. Sorry for your loss  your MIL sounds rather insensitive.

^^ this

And I'm sorry for your loss, I think you are right to ensure DS2 understands that he had an older brother. Maybe MIL is living in the very dangerous old fashioned world of don't mention it and it will go away? Which of course is archaic and no good for you.

Perfectly normal and healthy op.

My DM passed away when i was 3, visited the grave very regulary with my DF as a child and now my DF, my DD and myself visit often and have done since my DD was born (now 9). My DD refers to her grandma as Nanny Flowers because that's what she associates my DM with.
No matter how stressed i am prior to the visit i always have a sense of calm wash over me as soon as we enter the cemetry and i notice DD is the same and i find she can sometimes bring up some quite sensitive topics for discussion as we walk through, almost as if she feels she can be honest and open, i think this is when she has seen me become a bit upset during a visit but i have explained that it's normal and useful to show a range of emotions.