Other parents & school uniform

[LaPampa]

My eldest child starts reception in September & the school has a uniform of sorts. We have been told they must wear a top with the school logo on (choice of 4 I think tops/t shirts/jumpers) and dark bottoms. Summer term a checked dress is ok in the relevant colour.

My child will know another child from pre-school in her class and I spoke to that child's parent about uniform. The response from that parent was that her child wasn't much bothered by rules, only wore dresses and therefore would only be wearing a checked dress.

Obviously she is free to do what she wants, but this creates (I think) issues for mine - my child is quite forthright over what she wants to wear but I've spent some time and effort explaining uniform, involving her, and she is now excited about the new options (we've got some skirts and some pinafores to go with a polo shirt with logo). Given the current way the other child & mine influence each other at pre-school I don't think my child will be pleased the other child isn't following the same rules.

I should probably just not worry / but, there is another child who is also friends with the other child outside pre-school (I.e doesn't know my child) and that mum is also apparently planning to not bother with the requested uniform and instead just do summer dresses all year.

I should just let the school figure it out, shouldn't I.

Quite a few of the girls at my son's school wear the checked dresses all year. In winter they team it with tights and a cardigan. No drama.

I agree with lalalalyra.
Your DD will probably point to other children from now on and want what they have regardless of practicability or will tell you X can play on the train line, why can't I? etc. It's what they all do.

Don't stress about it but practise saying 'that's up to their parents but this is what we do in this family' type responses. I also use the 'this is what we do in this house' response to visiting children if they are pushing the boundaries I've set.

They will eventually accept that other families have different rules and hopefully, will respect your reasoning in time.

I don't see the issue here, if the uniform is required then the school is bound to say something to the other parent, and if its not required then its none of your business what the other girl wears. I didn't wear uniform at all in primary school, most of the other children did (there were a few of us who didn't wear but at least 90% did), no parents complained to my mum that her kids didn't wear uniform, none of my friends moaned that I didn't have to wear it but they did. Just think of it as good practice for telling your DD that "if so-and-so jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?!" every time you hear the moan that 'so-and-so does this/is allowed that'

Two of the most important life lessons for children is 'just because others don't follow the rules it doesn't mean you don't have to' and 'You don't always get what you want'.

One of the most important lessons we learn as parents is 'There's no point in getting angry about what other parents let their children do simply because it makes my children want to do it too'.

I think you and your DD are both being given an easy opportunity to learn those lessons and it will stand you both in good stead in the school years to come.

Yeah, I use that line when friends are here in regards to eating. Funnily enough same child came over once and didn't take kindly to being served something she didn't like (my husband just made something from the fridge for lunch rather than it being super specific kid friendly) and then being asked to wait at table until everyone had finished.

I am happy with our rules and boundaries so I think I will just have to get used to it.

Good advice acrossthepond55

life lessons ARE, not is

That's what I get for not re-reading after editing!

Thanks.

My two are grown now and there were plenty of times my teeth were clenched to the point of headache at what some parents allowed their children to do OR criticized me for the same reason. And if I had a nickel for every time I said "If Johnny jumped off the roof would you do it too?"* I'd be a wealthy woman!

*Johnny jumping off the roof was one of those things my mum said that I swore I'd never say to my children (along with 'I'm your mum, that's why). Needless to say both have been said many times in my 30+ years of child rearing.

And so I suggest you start paying yourself that nickel (or UK equivalent) right now. You'll be able to retire to the Bahamas when you're 50! (Or when youngest child turns 18, which ever comes first!)

If you want her to wear the dresses in the winter just make sure she wears tights and a vest with it to keep warm and make sure she has a cardigan/jumper with the school logo on it. Should be fine. I don't see why this wouldn't be allowed as long as your child is warm and is wearing uniform with the logo on it.

As an alternative you could get her one of those pinafore dresses that has a shirt under it. Basically a dress but isn't ''summer-y'' so probably not against the rules.

Acrossthepond I say that too to my four year old.

Good time to teach her the life lesson

Wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it. Right is right even if no one is doing it

We had this with dd1 a year ago, a lot of the other children wore variations of the uniform (e.g. stripy tights under uniform or coloured trainers instead of shoes).

I told dd1 that different families have different rules, and in our family we try to stick to the school rules.

She got a house point in the first term for always having the right uniform which she was delighted with.