Rude child on play date - AIBU to be so pissed off about it

[inlovewithhubby]

Venting here as don't really want to discuss in RL in case it gets back to the parents as children attend a small school.

So my elder daughter had a play date. 6 going on 7. From the moment of pick up the child was rude to all of us. One word answers from the minute she got out of school and lots of I don't like that drink, I don't like that food, I don't want to play that game, I'm bored, etc, all said in very rude, dismissive tones that we don't tolerate in our house. No pleases and thank yous which I confess I automatically corrected as that's not how we work here. Visit culminated in the two older ones conspiring to break a toy of my younger one. Deliberately - visitor said my daughter did it and my daughter said visitor told her to. My daughter has never done anything like this before and we had a good old chat (for chat read a bollocking followed by a chat) about how we behave to others, how not to be pushed into misbehaviour etc. My daughter is no saint but I did not like how this girl changed our family dynamic and turned my now rather confident daughter someone who panders and simpers around this girl, who clearly wore the trousers and was, quite frankly, an absolute pain in the arse all afternoon. I didn't like how that bad behaviour was rewarded by my daughter trying to please her instead of telling her to fuck off (in a six year old non sweary way)

I know it's end of term and they are all tired but that doesn't excuse extraordinarily bad manners.We've only had one other play date with this child and it was over a year ago. It went similarly though not as bad and no ganging up on younger one then.

AIBU to want to discourage this friendship? It's so unbalanced, I don't think the girl chooses to play with my daughter much at school and it's bloody awful to think she's being spoken to so rudely and bossily by someone she says she likes. And more practically, is there anything I can I help her to deal with this sort of thing, other than sit back and let her learn herself that some people are just fucking rude?

I think the best thing you could do is teach your child that they are ultimately responsible for their own behaviour. You seem to be giving the other girl about 90% of the blame for the broken toy when your dd actually broke it. If that was my child I wouldn't care who had told them they should know at 6/7 that breaking things deliberately is wrong. And she would be buying her sister another toy with her own pocket money.
I wouldn't intervene in the friendship. If other children are nicer your dd will gravitate towards them.

Yanbu at all, very rude and impolite. I would never have her over again, and not to meet up in the holidays either. As soon as she was rude, I would have told her, that if she is continuing you will call her mother to come and collect her.

Yes it sounds harsh, but why should op tolerate that behaviour in her home. Back in the day, my behaviour was very immature at 9, and I was invited over for a playdate, I broke my 'friends' paddling pool and was never invited back again quite rightly. I now have some very good friends, that has not scarred me for life.

Starry....

'knock some bloody manners into them'

😱😱😱😱

OP - ignore the "you're overthinking it!!!! She's SIX!!!!!" crowd.

I can totally see why you would not want to watch as your lovely daughter is manipulated by a snotty "friend". The fact is that some kids grow up to be the "cool" ones, unfortunately at school age this can translate to some kids being treated badly. It's not nice to watch.

I wouldn't have her over again, but agree with others to stay out of the schoolyard hierarchy (and that's what it is). Maybe work on other ways of building up your daughter's confidence, although I'm sure you're already on it x

"If other children are nicer your dd will gravitate towards them."

Disagree. Rightly or wrongly, there is (as I said above) a hierarchy in large groups of humans. Just because they're kids, doesn't mean they aren't aware of it.

Kids - way up into high school and beyond - will often put up with crappy behaviour from someone higher up in the pecking order. It isn't nice to watch your child do that.

Haha tryhard not literally! Promise! Although the bollocking would be epic and remembered until at least middle age. Which is probably around the time they'd get back whatever privilege I took away for it.