To think MIL shouldn't tell DS to hit back

[PiggleyPig]

Have name changed for this. DS (4) finished school yesterday for the summer. DH and I work full time so DS and DD (2) went to in laws today. DD seemed to be a bit over excited that DS was off school and started pinching and hitting DS to wind him up. DS then came home later that day saying MIL had told him to hit DD back! DH (who had picked them up) confirmed that she had said this - it wasn't DS making it up. AIBU to think that's not how she should have dealt with the situation? I dont really understand why she thought that was an appropriate resolution. I don't want DS and DD growing up to think they should hit people.

Great full not great fun bloody iPad

It's a tough one.

I have a 'no hitting, kicking etc' rule in my house. Unfortunately my DN has been a 'hitter' from about the age of 3, when he can't get his own way. His Mum 'smacks' him, so has made 'hitting' acceptable (when DN mis-behaved and she couldn't get her own way - get him to behave, she smacked him).

My DS, who is 2 years older has been used as a punch-bag by DN for years. I used to tell him off and put him on time out when he hit, but he would just wait until I had left the room and then hit, when he thought I couldn't see him.

Once they got to age 7 and 9, I just told my DS to hit him back. Once DN had been hit back a few times and realised that it hurt, he soon stopped. We now have no more hitting and kicking.

This has worked for us, but I usually advocate the DS stands up for himself verbally or walks away.

Thanks for all your responses. It's interesting to hear all the different opinions

I think there are some pitfalls to a black'n'white "NEVER HIT" policy

for example, if someone tries to bundle my kids into a van I want them to hit/kick/bite/scream etc

If someone is holding them down, same…

IMO hitting/kicking/biting/spiting/anything is okay if it's a means to get yourself away from someone who is restraining you

I don't agree with the scenario in the OP, but also disagree with the posters who say violence should never be met by violence.

Would you refrain from using violence if someone grabbed you from behind while you were fumbling for your keys on a dark evening?

I expect dd to hit back then walk away if she is hit. If not bullies won't stop. treat others how you expect to be treated and all that. did your MIL tell your dd off or just tell your ds to hit her? I would have expected her to step in to be honest.