To think this amount of contact is too little?

[fridaykitten]

In early stages of separating from H. We have two children, 2 and 6 yo.

The situation is we will live about 10 mins apart, he works mon-fri 9-5, i am sahm just now but plan to start work again now I need to provide for kids myself.

Stbxh proposes he will see kids every other weekend. Aibu to think this is far too little and far apart with such young kids? He says he needs his own time too. Im just in disbelief how little he is bothered about seeing kids.

My ex sees dds EOW and has no other contact with them whatsoever between this. When we first split (8 years ago) he had them for a midweek overnight every other week as well but he cut that when he moved in with his (now) W on the other side of our city about 6 years ago, despite me suggesting that they move closer as she had no ties and both were renting.

It upsets me all the time that he is missing out on time with our dds, who are both lovely (mostly lol) and have so much love to give but they have a great life with me, my (now) DH and their little sister that I try not to let it get to me and they seem happy and accepting of the small amount of contact.

They do miss their paternal grandparents as they see them very infrequently (again due to XH's slackness), so I would suggest you keep this up as much as possible

Every other weekend seems a common option

Dds dad has done nothing for her in 21 months.
No birthday card.
No Xmas things.
No afternoon out
Not even a quid for an ice cream

EOW does seem to be quite common, but a great number of non-resident parents find that heart-breakingly little, and have to fight hard for more.

I think EOW with some time in the week - one or two evenings even - sounds more sensible.

I'm in the process of separating myself and know it's very hard to find exactly the right balance. However, I think it's more positive if both parents are trying to get as much time as they can fairly expect with their children than if both are trying to increase the other's contact time (unless this was in an altruistic way!).

I would definitely keep up the contact with ex's parents, they are a constant for the DC in this time of upheaval, and also provide a place for ex to see them, get his dinner cooked for him etc. I think he will show himself up to his parents eventually when he chooses to spend time chasing women instead of taking the opportunity of extra time with his DC. If he doesn't choose to make any effort for Christmas, I'd make the effort to let his parents see their DGC. He can be there or not as he wishes, but they will be aware how useless he is by then.

Do get the finances and maintenance sorted properly though, he can't just decide not to pay. CMS can have payments taken from his wages if he doesn't pay regularly or keeps changing the amounts.

A friend has been separated for nearly 2 years. He's with the OW, she's now in a happy relationship.

Her ex is supposed to have their 2 children EOW and one night per week. He's never managed it because the OW won't allow the children to stay at her house (where he now lives). He refuses to see the impact on my friend and the children. He and the OW have a baby due in the autumn, and he's already starting to talk about her having to be "flexible" about him seeing the children he left.

Meanwhile my BIL is fighting tooth and nail to see the son his ex took from him.

The system sucks.