to not want DH to go away on a lads break?

[fruttidibosco]

He's just mentioned that he's been invited away on a skiing hol with his mates. I LOVE skiing but as we currently have young children we haven't been for years. I said I don't want him to go as its not fair that he gets to go on a skiing holiday but I have to stay at home with the kids. Also I'm offended that he's even asked because I would have like to have thought that he'd not want to spend time off away from us and that he'd want to save holiday for family time.

AIBU to say I don't want him to go?

He's going away this weekend (for one night) and I don't mind that at all and want him to have fun, but am not looking forward to the weekend at all as I'll miss his company and the children won't get to spend that time with him. A longer time away just seems unfair to me - and doing something that I have had to not do for a few years due to our current responsibilities. He thinks I'm being selfish.

I think Yabu. I think it's really unreasonable to expect all parents to never want a break. Or another adult to want time with their friends.

He is happy for you to do it, but you won't. And that seems to mean his choice is taken away.

I have a hobby, dh doesn't. There is time for him to have one. He chooses not to. I would be really pissed off if he told me I couldn't have a hobby because he chooses not to have one so think it's unfair.

My dbro and sil had 2 under 2 and still both managed to have breaks with their friends. Sil is sahm and dbro works full time. Dbro loves his long weekend and weeks alone with the kids.

What's the real reason you can't go away?

Why is it not realistic with two under three? Is he not capable of looking after his own children......i get what your saying my ex used to have a lads ski break every year and i love skiing, but you are being unreasonable, your dh has said that you can go away on a break too, its you thats coming up with the excuses not too!

I agree about him not going away on holiday if you haven't had one together as a family but you sound clingy about him going out with his friends for one night. I'm off to York for the day with my university friends for a catch up, my DH would never stop me or make me feel guilty for leaving the DC for a well deserved break.

I wouldn't be happy if I had two kids under three. That seems like hard work to me. I would say wait till the kids are older.

it's just not realistic at the moment with 2 under 3

If he expects you to look after them alone for a few days surely he would be happy to do the same?! I think it's fine for him to go if you can book a girly break with friends/mum for soon afterwards.

Yabu and are being whiny. Sorry.

Book your own break - nobody likes a martyr. Dh goes off with friends to do the hobby he adores. He comes back so so happy and they are all beaming in the pictures. I love him and feel it would churlish and cruel to stop him. Plus I can then go away with my friends without a backward glance.

Honestly I work with terminally ill people now and has really made me size the day on stuff like this.

OK so lets break this down.

You have 2 DC under 3, so I get that life is busy and full on at the moment. However is there any reason why your DH cannot care for the DC if you go away? E.g. Is one still BF?

If there isn't any reason and you can manage to stretch things financially, then he should go away on the ski break. Then you need to plan your time away; a long weekend with friends or a city break. You also need to discuss how a family holiday is going to happen.

I suspect that part of the reason why you're feeling pissed off, is because you're knee-deep in toddlers at the moment and knackered. You love skiing so it's very difficult not to feel a bit miffed that he's got an offer to go and do something you'd love. However instead of expecting him to say no, try and think instead about how you divvy up your responsibilities so that you can both have time away and take some control back of your own life and hobbies. If he's already said that he wants you to do the same then it's a case of sitting down and making it happen.

Sorry I meant to say, if being away from home for a week feels a bit daunting now, then look at a long weekend or city break.

Yep, unreasonable and clingy. He's away from one night this weekend and you are worried about missing him and the time he's not spending with three family?! I'm guessing he has the nondescript of job which doesn't require any sort of travel then! You'd hate being with my DP, regularly away for 6 month stretches, goes next week again and will miss the birth of DC3 by 2 months lol!

Let home go and let off some steam. Then if you want to do the same, do it! You say it's impossible but it's not. If he's unfamiliar with their routine etc this can easily be sorted, there is really no reason why you shouldn't be able to leave your children with their father

awaits massive drip feed about why kids can't be left...

I totally understand your dilemma.

My husband works really long hours and is knackered at the weekends and sleeps a lot. We don't really have the money for lots of holidays. I remember being really aghast when he mentioned a similar plan (ski holiday with work friends).

It seemed unfair that he would somehow have the energy (and money) for that but not have the time or energy to spend quality time with us.

So although I suppose it is unreasonable I do totally understand how you might feel a bit miffed about it.