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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

If it's the Special Needs session at the local splash park and you're not a SN family, would you stay or go?

484 replies

Waitrosejunkie1 · 20/07/2016 17:58

What would you do?

OP posts:
Adreamisawish · 21/07/2016 10:41

waitrose I have no need to make myself try and look better. I haven't said anything to look bad Hmm My posts have been about the bad management of the sessions. Nothing else. You posted 3 times asking about my children's needs when it's not relevant. The only goading I see here is from you.

bum yes my mistake some did say they wouldn't leave incase they disappointed their children. I don't agree with this, but think subsequent defensive and aggressive posts were uncalled for.

Waitrosejunkie1 · 21/07/2016 10:41

Pineappleshortbread, if everyone else uses facilities that are designed and aimed at disabled/SN users then they are at risk of unwittingly rendering them unusable for the very people they're aimed at!!!
If the park is busy, with kids without disabilities/SN using the stuff, many SN families will simply drive away because the presence of large groups of anyone makes going there impossible.

OP posts:
UmbongoUnchained · 21/07/2016 10:43

It's shit isnt it? He may be 24 but my brother is essentially still a toddler and loves the park. But to be fair where I am they seem to be getting rid of all the regular parks too so don't have anywhere to take bro or toddler. One of our local kids parks was apparently too bright, so the council took it down...

Waitrosejunkie1 · 21/07/2016 10:44

You were asked repeatedly if you were a SN parent. Not for a medical history. And the reason you were asked is because your posts appear devoid of empathy and understanding, which perhaps if you had walked in the shoes of SN parents, might be different.
Anyway, you've deflounced, it appears. Hmm

OP posts:
pineappleshortbread · 21/07/2016 10:44

Its a joint Park waitrose. Its an all welcome Park with sn accesible equipment. Only the wheelchair swing and wide ramp and slide is different. Everything else is the same as a normal Park.

Actually the equipment is sturdier as its designed for adults so less likely to break. As for inaccessible to those with sn, sn adults havent been put off and still regularly go. Its a park for all not just for sn.

LyndaNotLinda · 21/07/2016 10:46

I don't understand your point of view then MissDuke. I don't understand why you don't get why Waitrose was pissed off.

pineappleshortbread · 21/07/2016 10:46

Also there is no real public parking as it is in a field and is about a 5 min walk from entrance to park field so people wouldnt drive up and then leave

honkinghaddock · 21/07/2016 10:48

I know few adults and older teenagers with sn that wouldn't be able to go in a playground with children in it because they would hate it. I"m surprised it is open access.

Adreamisawish · 21/07/2016 10:49

So by saying it seems the sessions are badly managed I'm devoid of empathy and understanding? Get over yourself ffs.

you were repeatedly told it has nothing to do with you if my children have sn or not.

Wondermoomin · 21/07/2016 10:49

Waitrose what you said there is key - unwittingly rendering it unusable... So there's the possibility that some people don't realise the impact they're having on those the session is specifically dedicated to.

I understand that you're annoyed, so perhaps it would be more fruitful to write to the council to explain why it's important to protect this 2 hour session, let them know you think it's being encroached on by those who don't need a dedicated session, and ask them to provide a solution.

Of course you will have to take care to say that you think it's being encroached on because, let's be fair, you don't actually know that it was too busy because of non-SN use. Nobody can make that assumption, parents of SN children included.

BigGreenOlives · 21/07/2016 10:49

With the Internet etc it's very easy to check what restrictions are in force - dd wanted to visit pool recently, we looked up the timetable, saw it was school swimming lessons so went at a different time. I can see no reason to crash a different group's activities.

MammouthTask · 21/07/2016 10:52

If there was a women session, I wouldn't expect a man to be there.
If there was an over 60s session, I wouldn't expect a 20yo there.
If there is a SN children session, I don't expect NT children there, nor would I expect an adult there on their own etc...

pineappleshortbread · 21/07/2016 10:52

It is open access hooking and I believe is a hidden gem as most people I talk to with kids dont know its there. Unless you live near it you dont realise.
Unfortunately I moved to the otherside of town which is a shame because it is one of the best parks

Tbh if it wasnt open access it would be empty a lot of the time. When mine were very little I used to go everyday and it was usually empty or with one other person. The only time it is busy is in summer after school and even then not unbearably busy.

Msqueen33 · 21/07/2016 10:54

It really saddens me that some people have been on the end of such crappy comments about their child with additional needs getting help. Like its a fun perk. I'd like to see whether they'd be so keen when my child is trying to head butt her sister. A friend of mine who is lovely put on a local fb about how she'd taken her nt toddler to an autism friendly screening as he doesn't like to sit still and it frustrates me that people don't understand these sessions and the splash pool session are there for a reason. I think some people genuinely don't get it if they've not raised or cared for a disabled child. Our head at school has said my daughter wouldn't cope with childcare outside of school and it's good I don't work and any club she goes to we have to pay for her 1:1. These sessions aren't perks! They are a NEED. And I get why people are angry. Being a parent to a child with special needs can be unbelievably hard work and when some poor little nt has to miss out on a two hour session funnily enough I don't care. Mainly because I'm picking up the pieces of another meltdown or getting ready to fight another service for support. Our child aren't less. Or do we just lock them indoors because other kids deserve a splash pool in warm weather.

So yes we probably do sound angry but life has dealt us a hard hand and people who can't make adjustments because they're frankly selfish should consider themselves bloody lucky they don't live throughout our kids struggles.

On the splash pool...bigger signs and if that idiot from the council is there next time maybe he could feel less "uncomfortable" about moving nt families out for the Sen session.

MammouthTask · 21/07/2016 10:54

I agree with wonder about being careful on the way you phrase things.
The other thing that is coming out clearly is the fact you need more than a once a month session. What abopoput asking for that too?

pineappleshortbread · 21/07/2016 10:55

What about mammoth if you dont know would you leave once you were already in? For example took my son swimming...checked the swim table and saw baby pool was free swim...paid and got changed but when we got in half the pool was being used for over 60s water aerobics.
We got in anyway and tried to stay away from them but that wasnt my fault and I wasn't going to leave

bumsexatthebingo · 21/07/2016 10:56

I think it's good that there re both accessible open access places and sn specific groups. Some children need sn specific groups for the various reasons discussed but it certainly shouldn't be the case that parents feel that they can only go to sn groups if their kids have sn.

honkinghaddock · 21/07/2016 11:07

Pineapple, the presence of one toddler may make some adults with learning difficulties want to leave. I already have this problem with my 9 year old. Obviously if it is open access the parent of the toddler is doing nothing wrong but it is unfair on the adult if they cannot access the only playground that is suitable for them. It would be much better if there were times for adults/ older teenagers only.

PeppaAteMySoul · 21/07/2016 11:07

There is no way I would stay with my DS in a pool at a time that was meant for SN sessions.

I'm upset that there seems to be so little understanding and empathy for parents and their children who have SN. I worked for a charity that supported children with autism and it opened my eyes to the struggle these families face and how people who lack understanding make these struggles harder.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 21/07/2016 11:10

Mamoth by the sound of it this is just a bit of a park - the women's sessions and over 6 5s sessions etc would be staffed and policed because they would be in a swimming pool or gym not an unstaffed public area. If there was a man at the women's session or a young family at the over 6 5s session a staff member would ask them to leave - I've been asked to leave because of blimin water yoga or some such thing I hadn't noticed the signs for (nor would I have expected the entire pool to be closed for it if I had, but it was) and I wasn't the only one.

Most limited access sessions or events have some form of staffing or announcements otherwise people going about their business with no intention to intrude often are just oblivious.

Greenolives very few people check the council website before going to the park - a lot of people go spontaneously or every day, in either case they don't check the website first in general. You might but most people go about their days without checking the website of everywhere they might go before every visit - it's not an obligation, and websites are anyway often not kept updated.

Where there is no staffing or announcements people will unwittingly be in the wrong place at the wrong time regardless of the odd sign, and that does apply to all types of restrictions not only SN sessions.

Some kind of staffing at least to make announcements or close the area 15 mins before then reopen to the target group (with an announcement not by interrogating people) would solve the problem or at least reduce it to the few who genuinely were deliberately brazenly misusing the session!

Owllady · 21/07/2016 11:19

If I'd promised my daughter the splashpark or she thought it was the week for the splashpark we would have to go in if it was heaving or not and it would be an absolute nightmare but there would most probably be a vacation of the park pronto and your children would have a repertoire of new swear words

And I'd have no toe nails left Confused

I've read the footnote on our an sessions, it just says

DISABLED ACCESS
Access to our swimming pools is a priority so if you are bringing small children or have a disability you can use our pool and changing facilities with ease.
If you have a disability or lack mobility, we have superb accessibility for you. This includes a hoist for entry into and out of the pool, specially equipped changing areas and designated toilets. If you require extra help please ask a member of staff who will be happy to help you during your visit.
We offer Special Needs open sessions. These sessions run on a Saturday between 16.00 and 17.00 and are for people with special needs and their carers. If you would like more information, please contact reception

I imagine reception uses their discretion.

Mycatsabastard · 21/07/2016 11:25

Very interesting posts on here but some downright fucking awful.

My 10 year old dd had her autism assessment this morning. The SALT therapist told me that if it was down to her she'd give her a diagnosis but I need to wait for the reports etc to be done.

DD is a bright kid and looks completely 'normal'. However, a really busy swimming pool with kids bumping into her, splashing or kicking her would mean we would not be having a fun time at all. A SN session like this would benefit her enormously.

I have worked with disabled children, some of them severely disabled, some terminal, others who look 'normal' but have major issues which make life hard for them and their families. Having a place to go where having a meltdown is actually seen as normal for these families and not being stared at, having sympathy from others who deal with the same shit day in and day out, is not the place for everyone to gatecrash because it's hot or they don't want to disappoint their kids or worse of all, so their children can stare at the poor disabled kids and learn about them.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 21/07/2016 11:46

Mycat Flowers

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/07/2016 12:50

I have RTFT but am only answering the OP - yes I would get out. There's no way I would encroach on a session that was meant for people who are not me, or not my children.

I wouldn't stay for a men only session. I wouldn't stay for an OAP session. I wouldn't stay for a baby swim class when I have older children, and I wouldn't stay for a SN session when my children don't have SN.

I do not understand the reasoning of people who think this is ok, just because their kids are "having fun" - yeah, and they've probably been having fun for the last hour or so, and they can have fun again the next day, whereas the children with SN have to wait a whole sodding month to get their next chance.

Sorry you had this experience, Waitrose and I hope your contacting the council is profitable. Also agree that there should be more accessible sessions available - once a month is such a sop, it's almost not worth it :(

Odwyerkellie · 21/07/2016 14:02

Definitely not the case I'm afraid

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