To feel humiliated and embarrassed

[EWAB]

Took a bottle of champagne around for my brother's fiancee's birthday.
They were having a party! Clearly none of us were invited. I know that she is entitled to have a party for her family and friends but would have thought that we are her family too now as they are getting married in a month.

It was a massive party with a DJ! Balloons and loads of food and booze. Had I not been seen by a smoker at the front I would have gone back to the car.

She is always polite and friendly and asked me to stay for a drink but she is clearly not interested in me. Asked after my boys but got the eldest one's name slightly wrong.

Am I being stupid?

ah she was only dropping a bottle of plonk round, it was bad luck - if they'd been out you'd probably have left it on their door step or some such?

My husband's family didn't become mine when I married him. I wouldn't have invited them to my birthday party and it wouldn't have been a slight.

You probably just have different attitudes towards family. Neither of you are wrong.

Is it the thought that you aren't as close as you think?

You think that you can just turn up, but she isn't at the inviting you to her bday stage?

You might be too square

I never meant mix mine and DH's family for parties or get together. So while I can understanding feeling a bit awkward I do you think you are taking it too personally especially if no one else from your side was there.

Hmmm personally I wouldn't turn up to my brothers fiancées house uninvited. I'd have called or texted first. Especially in the middle of the evening which It presumably was if party was in full swing. Even to drop off a present. Just me though.

I think it's more embarrassing for them, actually.

Not that she did anything wrong (probably)

You can't be invited to everything, nor should anyone have to invite you (you are probably just not as close as you think - would you invite her to a party largely populated by friends?)

OP are you too humiliated and embarrassed to come back to this thread?

OK I have clearly come over as OTT, wanting to gatecrash a poor woman's birthday party.
Mumsnet is full of people moaning about in-laws intruding etc. My family leave each other alone but surely there is a happy medium? While I don't go pole dancing every week I haven't taken up embroidery either so I don't think I am square.
and tons of children belonging to friends and family and both my brother and future sister-in-law had arranged it themselves.
This wedding for instance none of our children were invited when I gently asked my brother if they could come to the ceremony they issued invitations for all the nieces and nephews for the evening party. They didn't think they would be interested.
Most of you think I am OTT and this happens in RL as well maybe I do have unrealistic expectations. For example my other brother has step-children who live with him; they are not invited to the evening wedding even though his own children who live with their mum are. Mumsnet world everyone would be up in arms. My sister-in-law their mother, looked at me as if I was mad when I asked if they were upset. I have met them about five times in as many years. When I asked if they would like to come over to meet my boys one of whom is close in age again they looked at me as if I was mad.
The siblings drop into each other's houses for tea etc. on way back from work etc. but we rarely see each other's spouses There are things to which we are invited like BBQs the brothers in law used to come but now I have noticed because the brothers' (newish)partners aren't interested they don't seem to come so often either leaving just the sibs to it.
When I was growing up aunties and uncles blood or not were a feature of our life whereas now our children don't even call sibs' partners aunt and uncle. Anyway I didn't think I was close to brother's fiancée but of course I felt the need to mark her birthday which I found out about it because brother told me. Her birthday was in the week and it was the Sunday afternoon quite late that I went round with the bottle. Anyway I am not going to elaborate further I think I will be flamed! I just think it's a shame that we are not closer.

Even more confused now

Was it honestly a huge coincidence that you decided to deliver the champagne at the precise time they were throwing the party (I'd originally thought it was her actual birthday, but the fact it wasn't makes me a bit sceptical)?

So you aren't close and aren't related even by marriage. And yet you feel humiliated to not be invited to the party?

I haven't taken up embroidery either so I don't think I am square

I do embroidery, knitting, crochet, cross-stitch and I'm offended to be regarded as square

I would have been a bit embarrassed, but only because I'd be worried by sister-in-law would think I was disingenuously trying to gatecrash her party.

Oi! Embroidery is not square

I can see what you mean OP. DH has a sister and if her husband had a birthday party at their house I would be teally embarrassed if I had called in and it was a big party and they had not mentioned it to us or asked us. But we are close to them - they lve 10 mins walk away and DH and BIL go out for a drink, play football, me and SIL spend a lot of time together.