About a snide comment on Facebook

[curiousG]

A Friend of mine put a comment on Facebook and it's proper irritated me. She put that it's not fare that she has to work throughout the summer holidays whilst other parents get the luxury of staying at home sitting on their arses and she's sick of seeing photos of families all having fun when she's stuck behind a desk all day. Now I'm pretty certain without wanting to come across as paranoid, it was aimed at me.

I'm more or less a sahm as I work on bank for an agency and when I do it's mainly at weekend or night shift when my dh is home (he works Mon-Fri 7am-6pm). So yes I get to have the majority of school holidays off with my two children but with my first (almost 11) I worked full time including a mixture of days and nights and rarely had time off, so when I had my second child (age 6) I wanted to be home more if possible, plus my dh works hard to bring in money for us.

So my friend has spent the last few weeks moaning on at me about how hard she works (three days a week 5hrs a day) so more or less the same amount of hours I do but longer days. She moans on and on about having to pay to put them in holiday club, but thousands of other people have to do the same, including me except when my eldest had to go she went every day more or less from 8am to 6pm not just a few days here and there, that's life I'm afraid.

The kids round here have been off for a week and like always I make sure my two have plenty of activities to be getting on with and we try and get out of the house somewhere every day if the weather is nice. So I've posted a few pics on Facebook at the park, crazy golf etc and I think basically the top and bottom of it is she's jealous. I'm not being mean here but when she is with her kids she does sod all with them and would rather palm them off with a few quid and then they go off playing on their own for most of the day. Don't get me wrong kids need to play with friends, my eldest dd is always out and about but I make sure I plan things for the holidays so we can spend time together and have fun. She doesn't seem to have the same priorities (fair enough) but don't make digs at me for being at home when it suits us as a family and for making an effort with my kids to spend time with them and have fun. Rant over but I'm preparing myself for being to IBU.

Without intending to sound unpleasant, I honestly think some SAHMs vastly overestimate how many WOHMs are 'jealous' of them. Staying at home looks like the tough option to many of us, frankly. People say on here 'we're lucky enough for me to be able to stay at home', but that's only 'luck' if you actually want to do it, surely? Not everyone does.

Specifically to your post, OP - I think you need to stop thinking of FB 'friends' and actual friends as the same thing. This woman doesn't sound particularly nice - or at all good at reasoning - and you clearly don't like her much, either. So you could repost your situation as 'someone I don't like said something mean that could possibly be about a category of parents that includes me'.

I know Facebook is full of people posing and checking here and there but to be fair I see my friends and aquaintencces off on holiday to Barbados and Dubai, it does make me envious but I wouldn't dream of ranting that it's not fair they get more exotic holiday than me. Plus back to the school holidays comment my dh is working all summer with only two days off either dose of the August bank holiday. I know he's got me at home to take care of the kids most of the time but he's still missing out on seeing his kids. The difference is though he won't go on Facebook to rant about it.

She sounds moronic, must be the stresses & strains of that full on, 15 hours per week, she's working

When I said she's jealous I didn't mean she's jealous of me actually being at home all the time. Being at home is sometimes a lot harder than when I used to work full time, it's me stop believe it or not lol. What I meant was is that I think she knows deep down she doesn't really do much with her kids, whether it's lack of enthusiasm or she just can't be arsed I don't know, but I think she's envious of the fact I feel positive and want to actively make plans to do stuff with my two.

She's just ranting. I suppose it does look forward unfair to her. SAHMs get to spend all their time with their children and she's stuck in work

Bullshit. She's a twat. She made her own choices, and she only works a few hours a week anyway. Cheeky cow.

I get grumpy about the holidays but a) I get grumpy when SAHMs complain about spending time with the kids, not when they post about their fun days out and b) I wouldn't ever put it on facebook. Your friend doesn't sound very nice. Just ignore her and enjoy the holidays.

The grass is always greener to other people though isn't it. I'll openly admit habit my children in childcare and going out to work were I got to be myself and surround myself with adults all day was some what easier than being at home. Don't get me wrong I love it but I feel like it's a military operation working around my shifts which very often I only allocated at the last minute and trying to keep my kids occupied in the holidays. When I was working full time i didn't have any of this as I used to drop the kids off at nursery/childminder/holiday club and ths staff would keep them entertained all day doing fun activities which they loved.

To be fair I never moan about spending time with my two and it's not very often I'll post pictures or check in somewhere. On the other hand I don't see why I should refrain from doing so if I feel the need to, just incase I upset someone. A friend of mine posted multiple pictures this morning of her and her family on a luxury cruise liner leaving Florida or somewhere like that. It made me envious for sure but it didn't upset me in the slightest.

I will be out and about quite a bit of the summer holiday, but what people don't see is that in the evening and nights I will be sat working when the house is cooler as I'm a freelancer, it's a trade off. If I were a SAHM I wouldn't have the money to do much. I don't earn as much as if I worked outside the home but I do call the shots and get to choose my time off.

As a mother, whether you WOHM full or part time or are a SAHM, someone always seems to be judging your choices/ projecting their feelings about their own situation onto you. You just can't please everyone. I think to a lot of people like to think that they have picked the "hardest" option as well because our society values this, so you end up with lots of mums who feel like they have chosen the most difficult path and resent that, in their opinion, other mums have an easier life.

Poor grammar in that last post is down to my phone!

I don't work much at the minute. I get to spend more time with my kids, doing only very cheap things!

The 'sitting on their arses' comment would bug me. Not much sitting about happening for any parents I know, whatever their work situation!

OP, nobody at all is saying you should have to refrain from posting as many pics as you like. You can post whatever you want. But so can others. You feel entirely justified in being upset about what your friend posts on FB, while denying she has any right to be upset by what others post. Can you see the irony in the fact that you're whinging on social media about someone else's whinging on social media?

You may seem braggy to others, they may seem moany to you. People are different, lives and perspectives are different, people will have other stuff going on in their lives. That's just how it is. Move on.