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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do SAHMs do when you're ill?

50 replies

MoonStar07 · 19/07/2016 18:59

I've touchwood been a SAHM for coming up to 3 years and not been ill once. My second baby was poorly and in SCBU for 11 days and between MIL & DH they managed to look after my eldest as I was also poorly in hospital. I was let out for 1 night on day 9 and then brought back transitional care once baby was breathing. Anyway for the first time in 3 years I am so ill today. We have builders in, I've done the nursery run and taken eldest to ballet. Cooked tea. Sink full of dishes no strength to load the washer. Made our tea for tonight. DH is back about 715pm bit later tonight. I have an awful headache runny nose I'm completely exhausted. Obviosily the toddler and the preschooler haven't enjoyed the heat today and are now exhausted I would be bathing Them by now but I feel terrible. I feel like I'm going to be much worse tomorrow I'm literally going to bed same time as kids as toddler wakes every night for me. We have a busy weekend ahead with a family wedding. Anyway what tips for tomorrow? I even resented making the builders tea today and felt so bad because I know they were hot and needed drinks

OP posts:

Planty18 · 19/07/2016 19:50

As everyone else says tv, takeaway or fish fingers, if a friend can help with pick ups or whatever or even a play date if you really feel that bad. Yeah just leave stuff out for builders and ask them to help themselves as you are ill. When dh is home he could do dishes, or just leave them. Day nurse is good if you're not breastfeeding. You just have to push through it really, hopefully going to sleep now will help massively. Hope you feel much better soon!

MiddleClassProblem · 19/07/2016 19:52

As pp have said, don't do the things that aren't 100% necessary and take the easy option where possible x

80sMum · 19/07/2016 19:54

Do the absolute minimum you can get away with. All you need to do is ensure the children are fed and safe. Order some ready meals online. Let the kids watch TV all day if they want to. Take ibuprofen and paracetamol, drink lots of water, get as much rest as you can.

Original poster

MoonStar07 · 19/07/2016 20:02

Picnic food and frozen food and early bed thanks for your help

OP posts:

CigarsofthePharoahs · 19/07/2016 20:06

I have, thankfully, only twice been in the position of having to call my Mum to come and help me out. She does live locally and is glad to help, but I don't like to presume so I reserve calling her only in emergencies - the first time being that I was 6th months pregnant and with a 3 year old. I had the flu, my temp shot up and even making it to the toilet was tough. I managed one afternoon by putting Disney films on and dozing on the sofa, but couldn't cope for longer.
The second time I had a 4 year old and a 1 year old and was recovering from a gastric bug that had caused me to pass out on the floor of the bathroom the day before. I hadn't got the strength to even sit up. I was much better after a days bed rest thankfully!
For everything else I have to soldier on and take as much medication as humanly possible. DH gets over bugs much quicker than I do, if he has to have a day off ill then he gets a proper day off! I do cut down what I do to an absolute minimum, but can't just take the day off. DH usually does step up to do at bit more when he knows I'm not well.
Do you feel you can cope with the wedding? Would it be very bad form to cry off due to illness and send DH with the children so you can recouperate, or would that cause other problems?

lalalalyra · 19/07/2016 20:11

If you don't have anyone you can call for help then are there any late night/24h supermarkets where you live? If so send your DH for shopping. Finger foods that the kids can eat on a blanket on the floor and drinks like capri sun or fruit shoot that they. I'd even get some bottled water. Also paper plates for the picnics. Then tomorrow the kids have a tv/toys everywhere in the living room day while you rest as much as possible on the sofa.

Builders can make their own tea.

TheUnsullied · 19/07/2016 20:13

If you can get help, do. That's the best advice really.

I'm a lone parent and when I'm ill I just manage it. I remember a particularly grim day where DD pretty much destroyed the flat playing while I was stuck in the bathroom vomming. The small periods I felt well enough to get up, I'd change DD's DVD and get her something packaged to eat, then I returned to the bathroom.

On a day like today I'd fill a paddling pool and add bubble bath for late afternoon play that would replace an actual bath, then I'd sit in or near it to keep an eye on them, bucket beside me if necessary.

Sqooobado453 · 19/07/2016 20:13

Am a lone parent - you just get on with it, whether that is telly on constantly, oven meals, sick bowl next to the couch, bribery etc etc. Last time I was sick, DS and I both had novovirus. It was awful.

Hope you feel better soon

Haudyerwheesht · 19/07/2016 20:15

I do the bare minimum and lower my standards tbh. I've been a sahm almost 10 years and now my youngest is at school it's a different ball game but god those were some hard years especially because I suffer chronic sinusitis.

Do whatever you can to survive is my only advice and if there's anyone you can ask to help them do!

paddypants · 19/07/2016 20:19

I definitely feel there is a fear in the modern world of asking for help from non family when actually most people are quite often more than happy into help if they can - esp in your type of situation OP. They then know that you would return the favour of ever needed. Even having the eldest out of the house for two hours could help you out a lot.

PalcumTowder · 19/07/2016 20:21

Unfortunately you just have to get on with it. It sucks and it is one of the reasons I feel SAHP's are totally undervalued, it makes you feel like your health doesn't matter.

The last couple of years I've had:
Flu - one afternoon of help.
Pneumonia - one day of help (ill for 8 weeks)
Hypothyroidism - no help
Numerous sickness bugs - one afternoon of help
Migraines (thankfully now medicated) - one afternoon of help.

And all that was thanks to my wonderful parents who live round the corner, I don't know how people with no local family do it, I really don't.

I hope you feel better soon, you have my sympathy.

drspouse · 19/07/2016 20:22

When I was home with DD as a baby I had a chest infection and couldn't get out of bed. DH's childcare therefore being unavailable, he took a childcare emergency day to look after the DCs.

I haven't been that ill since going back to work but I've taken the odd day when the DCs have been in childcare thus enabling me to rest for my day off with the DCs. But it is hard when you don't have any child free days.

autumnboys · 19/07/2016 20:23

I generally soldier on, albeit with even lower standards than usual.

YourNewspaperIsShit · 19/07/2016 20:24

Most of the time the answer is that "mums can't get sick", obviously it's not true but it feels that way :(

My DC are 3 and 5months and i got food poisoning, DP works in a powerplant with stuff that needs monitored non-stop so isn't allowed time off without cover, which of course he couldn't get.

So basically I had to try really hard not to vomit on the baby, keep the toddler off nursery because there's no way I could catch the bus without shitting on it And we all stayed in the living room (me clutching a bucket and crawling to the toilet) from 5am til 6pm when DP got home, watching film after film and toddler got to eat rubbish all day long. I had to literally drag myself across the dirty floor to make the baby a bottle, oh and the poor dog had to hold his bladder :(

It was a one off but just shows how hard things can get without immediate family to support you!

AveEldon · 19/07/2016 20:25

Sometimes my mother has helped, sometimes I've had to phone a friend, sometimes DH has had to work reduced hours or work from home

Daytona79 · 19/07/2016 20:27

Man up and get on with it, I had pneumonia recently at 33 weeks pregnant, husband was away working for a month , no one to help and I've a 21 month old to look after.

Not gonna lie, it was pretty shit but you just have to get on with it unfortunately

facepalming · 19/07/2016 20:27

I hate to sound unsympathetic (because truly I do feel sorry for you) but I think it's just a case of deal with it - as much as that sucks.

When my DC2 was 5 weeks old (Dc1 was only 20 months) I had to have an emergency surgery to remove my ovary.

I came home next day and DH went back to work the day after

Exactly one week later my DH had to go away with a work trip for 3 nights.

It was so tough but I managed.

Make life as easy on yourself as you can - no unnecessary chores and take out food!

hope you feel better soon

Spandexpanties · 19/07/2016 20:29

It depends how ill?

Puking bile and real flu. The toddlers would make themselves cereal for breakfast lunch and tea. The builders would make their own drinks. The TV would be on all day to entertain kids and I'd SOS friends for supplies/childcare.

Coulddowithanap · 19/07/2016 20:38

You just get on and do what you can. In 10 years (since having children) I've only been too ill to get out of bed once, DH was luckily on early shifts at work so he was home to do dinner and it was also school holidays so I didn't have to do the school run. The kids did have to have 4 days of films and PlayStation but it's not like every week is like that.

BurningBridges · 19/07/2016 20:49

I'm confused - can't your DH just sort it all out?

Dontyoulovecalpol · 19/07/2016 20:54

Why can't your H take time off? When you both work one of you has to. It's not difficult.

That's stuck in bed unable to leave ill though, as opposed to a cold or something

I had nurovirus 2 weeks ago and there was no way I could Just "solider on"!

amicissimma · 19/07/2016 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrouchyKiwi · 19/07/2016 20:57

Echoing what other posters have said.

I get migraines. When they don't affect my eyesight then I just look after the children myself and either DH cooks when he gets home or we have takeaway. I'll put some TV on for the children - thankfully DD1 now knows how to work the control so programmes on Netflix work best - and doze on the sofa. It will be harder to cope with now that we have a newborn but I'll manage.

If the migraines affect my eyesight, however, I get DH to come home from work. Occasionally I lose my vision entirely, which is difficult as DH now works nearly an hour from home. I really need to make proper friends with the neighbours. We have no family nearby - mine's all in NZ, and DH's parents live about 600 miles away.

I hope you get a good night's sleep and feel better tomorrow.

Purplehonesty · 19/07/2016 21:37

It really sucks.

Dh has taken a couple of days off in the past if I have been really ill - once with mastitis and was totally floored and once with a stomach bug.

My mum has come round twice as well when I've had a migraine and crawled into bed. She is good at coming and picking up the kids and heading to hers. Then Dh gets them on the way home.

I'm lucky that's all in 7 years - I don't seem to get too ill, just get on with it.
Dh on the other hand.....!

Original poster

MoonStar07 · 20/07/2016 17:07

Been a very hectic day but DH said be home for 7ish so that's good he'll do bath. Have dosed up on paracetomol: nightmare day with builder/Gardner see other thread re turf. Toddler not eating today. Is it the heat or is poorly? Thanks for advice x

OP posts:

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