To think this was rude

[Yorkshirethrunthru]

Took dd2 to playgroup last week and when we arrived early they were still setting up and asked us to wait outside until they were ready. Less than a minute later another mum arrived and asked me to move. I stepped to one side and said sorry I was asked to wait, she said well I'm the chairwoman so I can go in. It came across To me in a rather superior and dismissive way and I'm left wondering whether I was wrong for saying anything. Just for context as it may colour the feelinge of dislike that I now have, our older children are in the same class at school and she's never spoken to me, she can stand within feet in the playground and not pass the time of day. I've lived here a year and I beleive she's always lived here.

Sounds like quite a non event to me.

Although I appreciate that tone can be difficult to convey when you're typing.

She only told you the reason why she didn't have to wait.

As for not speaking to you, well not all parents are particularly chatty. Have you spoken to her much?

But she had every right to go straight in (I assume) so yes yabu

It's just a thing that happened. Not rude, not anything, forget it.

I think it's rather rude that they asked you to wait outside. You could have gone in & helped surely?

Whether she was rude depends on whether she said 'move' or 'excuse me'.

Well I think she sounds unfriendly and unpleasant, but unfortunately some people are like that. Not surprised you don't like her, but I don't think you should give her any more of your headspace!

Maybe they didn't need or want help? Especially when the OP has a child with her.

How is it rather rude, given that she arrived early?

Maybe a bit terse but it would barely have registered with me.

Very rude. But if she needs to feel superior then don't give her another thought.

I don't get what the issue is. From what you are saying you should of insinuated to her that she needed to wait with you and she just explained (perhaps a little harshly) why she didn't need to wait.

She might have meant it differently from the way you heard it?

I wonder if she meant 'well, I can go in ... come along!' or something like that?

Sometimes when people are trying to be friendly and you're nervous, you can miss their tone. I'd assume she saw you waiting and thought it seemed a bit standoffish, so clarified to you that she was allowed to go in for a specific reason - she wasn't just going in because it was cliquey.

It also might be she's a little shy?

Wel the whole being told to wait outside & her saying that she's chairperson (she didn't need to mention that) gives an air of superiority I'm better than you attitude from the people running it

I don't get the issue here

Was she bringing her child for drop-off, just as you were - not there to help out in any way? Or was she there to help them set up? Because whether she was rude or not rather depends on context, I think.

I don't get the issue here

Me either, sorry!
I appreciate it's hard to convey tone over the internet and none of us were actually there, but how did she say it?
Was it "excuse me, can I get past?"
Or "move it, coming through?!"
She had a legitimate reason for being able to go in early and you didn't.
There's a way of saying stuff though, and if she was more "Oy, shift!" you'd have a point.

I sense a bit of superiority coming from her.

If she actually used the word move as apose to excuse me please. Then ydnbu. That was very rude
Was it your first week there. If so very off putting.

Her rudness and attitude is the issue.

Oh God. I think I TOTALLY got what you were saying (I think). To me, your turned up, were told to wait and then other woman turns up and says "well I [underlined] don't have to wait, and swans in.

Technically, they SHOULDN'T let you in before the start time, because they're not paid or insured for that. And, from your post you were fine with that.

But you were condescended to, and that's not nice.

So... either this woman is toxic Queen Bee who runs the show (in which case, find another playgroup), OR (more satisfying!) watch and wait.. Volunteer to help. they'll SOON usher you in early too!

And, meanwhile, make friends with other mums similarly locked out early.

Good luck!

If I've read this wrong, I apologise!

It would piss me off no end!

"You can wait, you non person, but I am far more important than you and therefore I dont have to follow the rules"

And YWNBU at all to say that you have been asked to wait, I would do the same to save someone else faffing about with going in, being told, coming out again etc.

If you cant find another playgroup then get yourself onto the Board of Governers and the PTFA at "big" school. It wont make any difference but it will piss her off no end when she tries to extend her rule there to find you already in situ! (Seen it done, was very funny for those of use who had been lorded over by Queen Bee :o )

Or maybe as chair she was expected to help set up rather than chill outside

If that was the case then surely she would have said "I am helping set up, see you in there" or similar?

"I am the chairwoman and dont have to wait" suggests that she was more concerned with putting the OP in her place than helping out.