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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"Lads holiday"

47 replies

Silvermockingbird · 18/07/2016 01:17

OH and I are expecting our first baby together in October (we have been together 2 years and I have a 3 year old from a previous relationship) he is 28, and I have had a lot of experience with immature men who want to act like boys.. So when we first got together I made sure he was someone who wanted to settle down and live the family life (which he was) he is also the one that asked and asked for us to have a baby.. Now that I'm over half way through pregnancy I feel like he is almost regressing to acting like a teenager.. He usually works 7 days a week but his contract has finished so he has a few months off work- he has been out every day seing friends and only spends time with me and my son on an evening, we haven't done anything as a family in ages because he always has plans with friends. Now he's on about him and a few of his friends going on a 'lads holiday' to magaluf or ibiza or somewhere before the baby's born.. All the friends he wants to go with are single and when I think of those type of holidays I think of young lads, too much booze, and slutty girls. the thing that gets me the most is he hasn't even been on a holiday with me yet.. He's acting as if he needs to 'blow off steam' before the baby is born but this is less than 3 months away! He had plenty time for those type of holidays when he was younger and single. Here's me getting everything ready for the baby, not being able to do some activities I like, while he wants to swan off on holiday without me!

OP posts:

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 18/07/2016 10:09

Bloody hell, life doesn't change completely when you have a baby, you can still have a holiday with friends!

I would never be so controlling to say to DP he couldn't go on a holiday without me, nor would he me. And slutty girls?! Sounds like you have issues with jealousy and insecurity,perhaps work on these or you'll make yourself very unhappy.

mouldycheesefan · 18/07/2016 10:20

You are having a baby with someone you haven't even been on holiday with?
You aren't married have you sorted out all the legals and financials in this situation?
I think you have jumped into having a baby together too soon without any other commitment to eachother. Hence the issues.

No it's not good timing for him to go on a lads holiday but no reason why he shouldn't in the future if finances allow and young et equal access to Holidays with your friends.

The slutty girls comment suggests you are jealous and immature. And so do th life decisions you have made to be honest.

harshbuttrue1980 · 18/07/2016 10:27

He doesn't need to give up his friends now you're together. And surely it is better that he has the holiday now rather than when the child is really young? You don't need him to be there 24/7 before the baby is born. Having said all this, it goes both ways of course, and you should be able to have time with your own friends without him nagging at you.

HelenaDove · 18/07/2016 18:01

"He asked and asked for a baby"

If it were me i would have run a fucking mile but then ive never wanted DC.

I still think its suss that he waited until the 24 week mark to show his true colours.

Were you using comdoms while he was begging for a baby OP? Any packets still lying around?

Try opening one and running water into it to see if it leaks.

AnyFucker · 18/07/2016 18:04

Asked and asked for a baby makes it sound like he wanted just another acquisition. Like an iPhone. Or a motorbike. Or summat.

Janefromdowntheroad · 18/07/2016 18:09

Yes my DP asked and asked for the baby. I already had 3. We now have 1 together. Well I say we, he did the same thing as OPs fella and fucked off when DD was 13 months old.

Same story, middle of pregnancy started acting like one of the 'lads'.

MollyTwo · 18/07/2016 18:15

So he asked and you just did it? Well I hope lesson learnt. Sounds like he wanted the ideal family life but none of the actual commitment.

TheNaze73 · 18/07/2016 18:19

What a hugely judgemental post....

Slutty girls, all lads are morons??

coco1810 · 18/07/2016 18:26

Lay off OP, for goodness sake! She's obviously upset and angry: Hence, "slutty girls". Anyone on here who says they've never kicked off and said something inappropriate is a liar!

OP you need to tell your DP exactly how this is making you feel. Everything, how you feel about the lack of family time to how and what this holiday represents to you.

For what its worth, my DP had a bit of a wobble after DC1 was born and brought a bloody motorbike! Such a sensible decision when you have a baby on the way. Maybe he's having a bit of wobble and is feeling a bit too grown up.

Good luck x

Charlie97 · 18/07/2016 19:31

Lay off OP, for goodness sake! She's obviously upset and angry: Hence, "slutty girls". Anyone on here who says they've never kicked off and said something inappropriate is a liar!

Yes, clearly OP is upset and angry, but with the wrong people! To describe girls on holiday as slutty, is so totally wrong! It is just blaming the wrong person. It's her OH she needs to direct her anger at.

It reminds me of a trip advisor review.... The resort was nice, but too many topless women, my husband wanted to relax and they were distracting him!

coco1810 · 18/07/2016 19:33

Yes and she's come on here for support, not to be picked up on a bad turn of phrase! Cut her some slack people!

Charlie97 · 18/07/2016 19:35

Sorry I would still be miffed if she described me as slutty or my daughter ....because we were on holiday and not her!

Totally unacceptable!

Dontyoulovecalpol · 18/07/2016 19:35

him controlling? OP I think you're sounding very controlling. You can't make a grown man live the way you want him to.

ChicRock · 18/07/2016 19:38

Well as he 'asked and asked' for a baby and you caved in, I'm sure he'll keep going on about the holiday until you cave again.

Don't have any more children with him, get yourself back (or) into work as soon as possible and don't make yourself financially reliant upon this man.

HelenaDove · 18/07/2016 19:40

I call pestering someone for a baby controlling. There is such a thing as reproductive coercion you know.

And pestering is usually how it starts.

branofthemist · 18/07/2016 21:48

She's obviously upset and angry: Hence, "slutty girls". Anyone on here who says they've never kicked off and said something inappropriate is a liar!

It's not just inappropriate, it's degrading an sexist. She didn't say her boyfriend and his mates were slutty.

I have been upset. Upset and pregnant. Managed to avoid saying something sexist and degrading.

BolshierAryaStark · 18/07/2016 22:14

Fuck off with your 'slutty girls' comment, seriously not on. If they are single & having fun on holiday it isn't their problem if your partner can't keep his cock to himself.
That ridiculous notion aside, yes I also think it was a tad hasty to have a child with someone you've never even been on holiday with & haven't really known that long-showing you his true colours now I think...

Kiwiinkits · 20/07/2016 23:07

When I said The problem with lads is they're morons I didn't mean all men, I meant all 'lads'. Lads are you know, the type of dozer who thinks its all very funny to get together with a group of mates at football matches or in Ibiza and drink and act like a tosser.

LuluJakey1 · 21/07/2016 08:08

I think there is a difference between the word 'lads' used as a group of youngish men who are friends and 'lads' as in 'laddishness' and 'banter' type behaviour - currently lots of research being done on this one and it is a term used often in defining a current social 'culture'.

Imho the 'culture' of 'laddishness' causes real problems in how men relate to women, to each other, how they are poor role models for their children or family members, it affects the way relationships work, often the way they are regarded professionally and they can end up in some very serious situations because of a 'pack mentality' that exists. Not all men get involved in this culture, of course, but it is prevalent mainly in the under 35s and often related to football.

LuluJakey1 · 21/07/2016 08:10

And to alcohol

DoinItFine · 21/07/2016 08:13

I think Helena has it.

pictish · 21/07/2016 08:16

I'm all for those in couples pursuing their own interests but if I were you, I'd be concerned too. He's treating you like an accessory. Image of the family man, reality of the selfish boy.

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