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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

One refusal of alcohol should have been enough

50 replies

LifeIsGoodish · 17/07/2016 22:54

Not a big deal, but bugged me a bit.

I was eating alone in a hotel restaurant this evening. Because I was not staying there, I had to put my card behind the bar, and the waiter, making polite small-talk, asked me where I had come from. So he knew I was driving. When I placed my meal order, he asked if I wanted wine with my meal.

"No thanks, I'm driving."
"You can have it by the glass." (Or words to that effect.)
"No thanks, I'm driving."

When the main course arrived:
"Can I bring you a glass of champagne with your meal?"
"No thanks, I'm driving."
"Just the one?"
"No thanks, I'm driving."

And again with dessert wine and liqueur coffee. And each time I had to refuse twice.

I get that they have to offer. I get that he may have forgotten our earlier discussion. The restaurant was not particularly busy and the service was attentive.

It just bugs me a bit that someone says "No thanks, I'm driving." and yet they're encouraged to drink alcohol. Or am I being precious?

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 18/07/2016 02:24

Ava I am talking about chain hotels, the kind that you get deals from Groupon et al, they are the sleepover equivalent of McDonalds. They market themselves as exclusive but they really are not.

I have also worked in independents where doing what the OP experienced would be grounds for a serious bollocking. But it does happen in chains, it really does.

Bogeyface · 18/07/2016 02:27

And I would like to refer you back to what I posted above about H being F&B mgr in a chain, upselling on alcohol was company policy.

avamiah · 18/07/2016 02:39

Bogeyface,
Yes,
I agree with both of you, if they can get away with it they will.
However you must admit this situation that OP experienced was ridiculous.
Let's be honest he did have his card behind the bar so maybe they had already authorised a certain amount ?
It's possible ?

Hrafnkel · 18/07/2016 05:25

I had this once, sort of.

I had a coffee and read a book for an hour in a local country house hotel. 4-5PM on a Wednesday. On my own.

When I went to pay, the waiter said, "I notice you didn't have any alcohol...?"

I wasn't sure what he wanted me to say, so told him I was a recovering alcoholic.

BillSykesDog · 18/07/2016 05:44

I don't think driving would be a reasonable excuse for ceasing upselling. The way the company would look at it there would still be a chance that the OP would say 'Oh well, just one' when tempted with a coffee and liqueur.

karmapolice97 · 18/07/2016 06:11

I absolutely hate this sort of upselling. The fact it's alcohol is irrelevant really. I was recently in a chain pizza restaurant and they repeatedly interrupted our conversation to ask if we wanted side orders/drinks etc. We were perfectly capable of reading the menu and choosing what we wanted, thanks! I doubt policy will change on this though as it must increase sales.

What you experienced was a step further than that though, and I would complain, mainly about the interruption of your enjoyment, although pushing alcohol you stated from the beginning you didn't want is a point worth making too.

Bogeyface · 18/07/2016 09:10

The trouble is that even after complaining nothing will change, as it works. People do order more if its offered in that way, and companies will exploit that. It is wrong and it is fucking annoying though.

BillSykesDog · 18/07/2016 09:38

bogey, it is. Which is why I don't go to places that do it.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/07/2016 09:47

it's upselling, it's very annoying and the worst thing about eating out. It's not good service to be constantly pestering the customer to buy things they don't want.

I find myself saying 'no thank you' a lot when eating out because I can't eat a lot in one go, so don't want starters, extra sides, puddings, the large version of something that is already too big etc etc.

GardeningWithDynamite · 18/07/2016 09:55

I think it is relevant that it's alcohol. It might be upselling from their point of view, but it's also encouraging someone to break the law. Surely nobody should be allowed to press a customer towards doing something dangerous?

Offering chocolate/stuff on offer at the tills is annoying upselling but I think this is different.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 18/07/2016 10:02

It's very annoying.

I had one terrible waiter once who really had problems with customers not wanting alcohol. I ordered a Diet Coke. Waiter asked if I wanted wine, beer etc instead. No, because I'm driving, so I want a Diet Coke. Waiter asks am I sure. Again, I insist I want a Diet Coke because I'm driving. The Diet Coke arrives, and as I'm happily drinking it, the waiter wanders past again and says "I put vodka in that" He hadn't. It was his idea of a hilarious joke, and he really seemed to be doing his best not to understand why this "joke" was making me cross and upset.

Needless to say, I never returned to that restaurant.

treaclesoda · 18/07/2016 10:17

When I was younger I always thought I was very unlucky to have been brought up in what I viewed (and still do, to an extent) as quite an uptight environment where drinking alcohol was a huge deal, and not 'the done thing'. Not just my parents, but most of my extended family and my friends parents when I was at school.

But when I read threads on mumsnet I feel quite grateful. I do drink alcohol and don't feel guilty about it. But sometimes I don't drink it, either because I'm driving, or because I don't feel like it or whatever. I have not once had someone try to encourage me to have a drink if I didn't want to.

But on the other hand, I have had non drinkers leave the dinner table in the middle of a meal and go home because other people ordered a glass of wine and they didn't want to be associated with people drinking. . So the judgemental attitude definitely cuts both ways.

diddl · 18/07/2016 10:18

If OP had accepted "just the one" every time, would she have been over the limit?

Not sure for how long it lasts, but here in Germany when you first have your driver's license the alcohol permitted is zero!

JudyCoolibar · 18/07/2016 10:19

Maybe he was tired of virtue signallers making a big song and dance about not drinking and driving?

ODFOD. Refusing alcohol because you're driving isn't virtue signalling, it's common sense.

dodobookends · 18/07/2016 10:21

What part of "No thank you" don't they understand?!!

pasturesgreen · 18/07/2016 10:22

Dubious customer service, I'd email the hotel about it.

I get the upselling, asking once or twice, fine. More than that, it just gets annoying and personally I'd be even more inclined to stand my ground, on principle.

diddl · 18/07/2016 10:23

"No thank you" should be enough.

Why even explain?

Heatherplant · 18/07/2016 10:26

"Virtue signallers making a big song and dance about not drinking and driving"
What a foolish thing to say. If someone says NO it means NO. Why the hell do people not understand this. "No, I don't want any alcohol" It's not hard to understand is it? Up sell something else if you have to.

TyneTeas · 18/07/2016 10:32

If it's up selling I can't think why he couldn't offer non alcoholic alternatives

BarbaraofSeville · 18/07/2016 10:36

It's not just drinking and driving. Maybe the OP was pregnant, or a recovering alcoholic, or tee total for religious, medical or simple personal choice reasons. It is none of the waiter's business why she didn't want alcohol and he simply shouldn't have tried to persuade her to have any.

I drink alcohol but fully respect those who don't for whatever reasons.

It probably is worth complaining - it is never acceptable to pester someone to drink alcohol when they don't want to. He could have tried to sell her an overpriced coffee instead - probably just as profitable, if not more so.

treaclesoda · 18/07/2016 10:36

DH and I must be a waiter's nightmare if they are trying to upsell drinks. If we're not in a position to drink alcohol (and one of us always has to drive home, so at least one of us can't drink) then all we drink is water because we haven't yet found a soft drink that we like the taste of. If I'm really pushing the boat out I suppose I might have a sparking water...

treaclesoda · 18/07/2016 10:37

that makes it sound like DH and I are as one, I didn't mean it to sound like that with the 'we'. But neither of us has found a soft drink that we like.

howabout · 18/07/2016 10:57

Just back in Scotland from England and the difference in alcohol with food is very very noticeable - the DC commented.

I don't think it is down to upselling as the mark up on soft drinks is far higher than for alcohol. I think it is more waiters looking to increase the total bill in hopes of a % tip.

I just usually stick to No Thank You and the withering Look which strongly implies "pestering reduces tipping".

CrownofStars · 18/07/2016 11:05

That is ridiculous. Where I work we have to upsell but if someone says 'no thank you' then that is the cue to mention our range of fresh juices, smoothies, cordials, herbal teas or flavoured coffees, not to push alcohol again.

eggpoacher · 18/07/2016 11:10

Last time I went out for a meal I ordered a second glass of wine and the waiter looked me up and down and said, "What, really?"
I thought that was far more questionable behaviour.

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