To think this is a completely twattish thing to say and way to think?

[Babysafari]

So we're out this morning, I can tell it's going to be a hot day so I say quietly to dh that we can get the paddling pool out later. I didn't want ds to hear because I knew we had a few things to do and might be pushed for time. I figured even if we only got it out for an hour the dc would enjoy themselves.

Anyway ds did hear me and got excited so I said we'd get the pool out and we'd make time, dh then said that we would definitely blow it up but we might not get chance to fill it with water and might have to do that another day.

I mean on what fucking planet are we going to leave an empty paddling pool hoping that we get another day hot enough? Besides we'd never get time during he week with work, school and clubs and we are going on holiday on Saturday!

Yes I'm probably overreacting but he says cuntish things like this several times a day.

Was he in a bad mood? I know some people that just love to piss on everyone's strawberries when they're grumpy.

I am a bit concerned about your holiday on Saturday. Will you end up throttling him on the plane?

And blaming kefir moving his keys and wallet when I haven't touched them because he never puts anything in a sensible place isn't a terrified man

This sounds like a complete over reaction on your part.

I know what you mean about the always negative comment about this and finding reasons not to do stuff - my DH does it and it makes you feel so frustrated, but it's really hard to put your finger on what they are doing exactly and ends up making you look like the unreasonable one to everyone else.

I fear for your children with language like you appear to use quite freely! And I empathise with your husband, although I suspect that he won't have that 'title' for much longer, one way or another!!

You feel that he's another child, essentially, then?

Has he always been this way?

This is an unreasonable response, to this situation, but you need to get to the root cause. Do you love him? Would you generally consider yourself a bit of a control freak?

Without trying to sound psychiatrist; which undoubtedly means it will.

The meaning in your posts, is that there is deeper rooted problems/feelings to your DH than the paddling pool.

You need to talk to him.

I agree with you OP. That would be totally weird and pointless and surely torturous for the poor kids staring out at 'what they could've won'!

It gets you down when someone is a negative fun sponge all the time. My advice is to ignore his twatism and just get on with enjoying yourselves! Easier said than done though, I know.

I suspect there is a backstory to this and that OP getting pissed off about what was - on the face of it - a fairly innocuous comment from her H, is actually the result of many months or years of frustration. So a straightforward discussion about the paddling pool ends up being the straw that breaks the camel's back. I've posted on a similar thread already(from a different poster), so I'll give the same advice:

Have a good long think about how things are with your H generally. Is he usually considerate, thoughtful and thinks about everyone else's needs as well as his own? Or does he exist in a little bubble of learned helplessness where you are the only person who can settle the DC/think about what's for dinner/find his missing car keys/remember a birthday present to his Mother?

If it's the former, then you need to sit down and talk to him and both reach an agreement that things need to change - agree that you need to parent jointly rather than sending out mixed messages.

If it's the latter then you need to think about whether you are willing to spend the rest of your life with a man who thinks that everyone else's needs come secondary to his.

Why couldn't you have just filled the pool up?

I did fill the pool, it's nothing to do with who was going to fill it. More that it would have been meaner to blow up a pool then leave it knowing we aren't going to get chance to go in it. Much kinder just to say we may not get time.

But to be honest we could have made time not dh doesn't really enjoy having fun.

Much kinder just to say we may not get time.

Then this is what you should have said and not,
"Promise to make time"

as for your other examples, shouting to find socks, shouting about ketchup, losing wallet and keys etc etc.

That's all just standard couply sort of crap.
My GF does it, I do it, no doubt 90% of people here do it or their partner does it.

I get the impression you simply don't like your OH and if that's the case you need to decide whether to stay with him or not. it certainly seems like you don't like him very much and are using small things to beat him with.

Anyway why should I have to do everything? I do all the school runs, all their teas in the week, all the homework, all the reading, he hasn't even so much as glanced at ds school report, I do all the sorting and running around of after school activities. I sort out everything for them.

What's the problem with their dad getting the pool out with them on a nice Sunday?

OP, I know where you are coming from. DH is capable but did treat me like the house oracle at one point. It took quite a few of the following:-
DH Do we have X?
Me Check in the cupboard

DH What shall we do?
Me What do you want to do?

DH Where are my ...
Me Wherever you left them

It did break the habit. I wasn't deliberately unhelpful, it was only those situations where it was obvious he wanted me to do his thinking for him.

Why stay with him if he makes you so unhappy?

Yeah if the Dad is doing nothing at all, something needs to change. Granted Men aren't quite like women in the child-rearing dept. However, Dads need to be doing something with their children.

That's not how the conversation went saggy, I said to dh we could get the pool out as it's hot. Ds asked if I said the pool and I said it was just a thought we'd do it if we got time. Dh said that afterwards. I then said we would make time which I made sure I did.

Sounds like this is just the tip of the iceburg. I think you need to ask yourself how much longer are you going to put up with it.

Yabu.
Mountain out of a mole hill

I get it OP, it all sounds annoying.

This is the sort of thing I mean.

One of the dc has just come down upset complaining of bad earache (he's had a cold brewing), dh just dismisses it and says o go back to bed. No comforting, no offer of a drink, no medicine.

I ask dh to get him calpol as I was washing up.

He came in with the wrong age calpol, I said it's the wrong age he said it's all that's there. Then he came out with some adult cough medicine that belongs to dh, I said that's cough medicine so he throws his arms up and wails that there's nothing else there. I go straight in and find the correct calpol immediately. It's not hard is it really?

I'm exhausted with having to think of everything.

He sounds like he's deliberately being weak

Why is this?

I'm utterly lost as to why so many people don't understand the OP's point. I wouldn't blow up a paddling pool with no intention of filling it with water, that would be really mean for DD.

Can you smother him with the empty pool? He sounds exasperating.