AIBU (or hypersensitive) about comment in preschool report from nursery

[BottomleyPottsSpots]

DS is 3 (nearly 4), the youngest of 3 children and in full time childcare. I have insecure employment (short term contracts) and part time roles are practically non-existent so there's no avoiding it.

Comment in his report from preschool this term:

"'DS' needs some support in Understanding the world, with spending a lot of time in preschool his experiences outside of the nursery setting are limited and this is reflected in his emerging understanding."

Would you feel a bit guilty about the above comment (implication: he's in nursery too much of the time!)- or am I just being hypersensitive and should get a grip?

Okay, thank you so much for all the responses.

So the consensus is that I need to talk to nursery about this further. I'll email and ask for an appointment.

I'm beginning to wonder whether most of the pre-school kids are just term-time and that makes him seem like he 'does' particularly long hours.

Relatedly, given the events on the news I am really struggling to understand the world at the moment (and I'm much older than 3)

I'd be annoyed with that comment. Firstly because it does sound like they think you don't do much with him. (May not be what they mean, but it does come across that way). Secondly because it sounds as though they're seeing it as your responsibility when it's an area of the curriculum that they should be teaching. If they see a gap, they should be planning for that. You can teach understanding the world in a nursery setting, through role play, books, talk, trips out etc. You don't just shrug your shoulders and say 'That's the parents' job's.

Sounds like you are doing exactly what you ought to be doing in terms of his understanding of the world.

Also sounds like the nursery are worried that they are falling down on their job (and yes, if it's part of some 'curriculum' then it is their job) in this area and are attempting to put the blame elsewhere.

I wouldn't get upset. I would just ask for clarification - ask what aspects of 'Understanding the World' do you feel he is behind the other children in? and go from there.

In yR DD2 wasn't great on understanding religious beliefs as it doesn't come up in conversation much in our house - but her science knowledge was terrific. Sometimes you just don't know what you are accidentally missing out of your child's experiences until it is pointed out. (At which point you can choose to address or ignore).

Understanding of world includes- being able to imitate day to day actions & events that they learn from family, learning they have similarities & differences that connect them to, and distinguish them from others. Can remember & talk about significant events in their own experience.

The child can notice details and features of objects in their environment they talk about how & why things happen & how they work.

Seeks to acquire basic ICT skills such as switching things on, using a remote with buttons & knowing info can be retrieved from computers.

These are just a sample of things the nursery will be looking to see if your child can do.

It sounds as though there hasn't been much opportunity for your child to show them he is capable. I would speak to the nursery & maybe ask why they didn't work in partnership with you. As childcare professionals they would do a baseline assessment, then from there constant observations & planning & then tracking. So if he was not showing to be progressing in that area then they would have known a while ago & maybe could have worked with you to see what you observe at home etc.

Go & talk to them. Kids thrive in nursery. Don't think it's anything to do with you not taking him out xxx

I wonder if you have one of those DC who, when questioned about what they did over the weekend etc always answers "nothing."

My DS is like that. I could have jetted them to Eurodisney and back and he still would have insisted he had done SFA.

Not excusing it as it does seem an odd thing to write. I hope they clear it up when you meet them.

I'd be annoyed at that.
If they are providing full-time childcare, they should be providing a rich variety of activities in and out of the setting.
Plenty of children are in full-time childcare and I presume there are several at his pre-school.
I'd be inclined to think that perhaps your DS is not very forthcoming when asked at pre-school "What did you do at the weekend?". Some children say "Nothing".
I'd probably go in and talk to them about it - ask what exactly it is that he does not understand about the world, how can you help him and what provision does the pre-school have to help the children in full-time childcare to learn about the world.
I think it is a very insensitive statement from them.

This has been really helpful in calming down and thinking about the comment more objectively.

I will definitely need to find out which aspects of understanding the world are reflected in their comment. I have an MA in developmental psychology and I haven't spotted anything but then he's my DS and I know I must have blind spots.

A couple of times nursery staff have remarked that he doesn't like mark-making, a "typical boy" - I haven't visibly reacted to the remarks although they have slightly concerned me re: gender and also the implications for his literacy. The walls of our house attest to the fact that he likes mark making at home .... !

Spaghetti and Happy, I suspect that you are right re: saying "nothing". Maybe I need to start sending him into nursery with something he's done / made over the weekend. Seems really daft to be trying to convince them of this though.

I wonder if it's because we didn't do much with the nursery bear when it was sent home?

We had this with one of our fostered in primary. RE "nothing"

It got to the point where the school were like and we were mortified. We then had to write in the homeschool book every Monday what he'd done at the weekend. He would say nothing so he didn't have to elaborate and have a conversation when in reality he'd done loads.

Mark making I linked to fine motor skills development which does come a little later on average for males, don't take it as a sexist commment.
But yes I would want to know why the curriculum wasn't enough given they are providing full time care. Don't worry, here in Italy at least half kids go to preschool age 1 and are highly sociable!!

I think that reflects poor planning on the nursery's part. As PPs have said, this area if curriculum covers all kinds of things. As some examples, in this area DD's preschool class this term has:

• hatched some chicks from eggs
• had a shop role play area (using a cash register, exchanging goods)
• had a restaurant role play area (taking orders etc)
• built an aeroplane from a giant box and talked about going on holiday, putting up photos of children as they go abroad on a world map over the summer, role played handing over tickets etc
• grown plants in the garden
• had a school role play area
• visited the baby room and talked about growing up
• posted letters to family members, walking to the post box to do so

I'd be asking what they have planned for next term

I would be upset they had written this and not given examples. It is particularly bad way of communicating a problem (if there is one) and should have been picked up in reviews. I am sure that it is something really ludicrous but I would check it out for your own piece of mind.

Children are funny creatures though. My DGD's Nursery were convinced she couldn't count or know her colours. She could do them perfectly ok at home but has a bit of a practical joker as her DF which she copied. She thought she was being hysterically funny when she always gave them the wrong answer.

I would definitely expect a nursery providing p full time care to provide ample opportunity to 'understand the world' so I would definitely have a word.

Just wanted to comment on the mark making point. DS hated writing and drawing & I didn't push it. Consequently (I think), his handwriting at 12 is terrible still. He just about gets away with it because what he writes is good but it does detract from it.

Unless you are changing your work/life balance there's not much point dwelling on it. He is having life experiences in nursery and at home.
I would let it lie and just make sure you continue to do loads of different stuff at the weekends when you can. at 3 these generic reports don't work for all and i'm sure he excels at other things...he will learn how to wash up in time ;)

Oh my word, I've just looked at the date stamp on the observation (it's a printed form) - it was from April this year.

Why am I only now finding out about this? And, more to the point, do they STILL think this?

I would ask them what they mean.

It does mean he's spending to much time at nursery. Why this means he's not getting enough life experience is a failing on their part, and I'd be asking for an explanation

Rightly or wrongly I'd be upset if I received that on a report. Definitely ask them what led them to observe it - maybe he's not so interested in say role-playing in the home corner or something.
Mark making is an interesting one. I overheard one of the other parents asking keyworker where their son's pictures were when I was leaving with a pile of Dd1's pics aged around 3.5 & they were child led & he wasn't interested so hadn't done any at all.

If it's a note on an observation rather than a report to you, it looks like it's a note to them/his key worker on what to provide next rather than an instruction to you.

Talk to them first to find out what they mean. I work across a lot of pre school settings, and sharing news of their weekends is something that happens every week. Some children find it very difficult to remember what they have done or to express it appropriately. They may be basing it on this but their way of expressing this to you has not be particularly appropriate. Also there is a lot of research about boys and Mark making, so those comments weren't particularly sexist. I would probably go straight to the manager rather than keyworker.

That comment would upset me.