To be hurt by friend always cancelling plans?

[longestlurkerever]

I have a good friend. We were once best friends - mutual bridesmaids, helped each other out with childcare, counselled each other through bereavements etc. I was excited when she moved closer to me, but now I barely see her.

On the rare occasions I do it's all normal and lovely but I feel totally bottom of the pile as she is forever cancelling arrangements we've made and double booking me. I feel like I do all the running and if I wait and see if she contacts me then it'll be when she wants a favour and I have to decide whether to agree and feel like a mug or refuse on principle, and feel petty and mean. It is often the kind of favour like reading a job application or talking through a problem she's having so hard to refuse only on the basis that it's not convenient this time.

She's made new local friends which is lovely, but I do notice that she seems to have time for them so it's not only that she's too busy.

Tomorrow she was supposed to be coming with her family to a barbecue at mine. It was quite a big deal to me as some mutual friends who live far away are coming and it was going to be a reunion. But she's cancelled again on the basis her mum is coming over "and she can't sack her off". But she's sacking me off so now I have far too much expensive food and have to explain to the other friends that she's not coming.

I'm supposed to be meeting her for coffee this morning instead, assuming that doesn't get cancelled too. Should I say anything? I sort of feel like there's no point guilting her into coming to the barbecue but why, when she'd accepted the invitation, didn't she say to her mum "sorry, we have plans that day"? As a one off I'd understand but it's all the time.

I could just accept that the friendship has run its course and fob her off if she ever rings to ask for a favour, but since it's all fine and lovely when we do see her I am wondering if a heart to heart might be worth a shot? What would I say though? I sort of feel I've done something to offend her and make her relegate me to acquaintance, but I don't know what. We did have a disagreement a couple of years ago when I felt she was taking advantage of an arrangement we'd made but I thought we'd put it behind us - she's not frosty or anything when we do meet and she sends lovely emails and texts.

I had a friend who I met on our first day at playgroup, we kept in touch even when we were at different senior schools, I would contact her , pick her up and we had a great time and a good realasionship.
She married a couple of times , and divorced a couple of times and I was there for her , she met her latest husband and got married without saying anything, I went round with a bottle of champagne and a card delighted that she had met this lovely man. ( this was a couple of weeks later and she had invited me round). She answered the door having obviously forgotten our arrangement. I said it was ok and she could come round to my house for coffee when she was free. She said she didn't know where I lived.
I had lived in my house for over 20 years
I didn't contact her again, we had been friends for over 40 years , sometimes you just have a moment of clarity

I feel that way about my closet friend who I've known nearly 30 years. I havent told her about it, but on my 30th we went out and the plan was to go back to mine with another friend for drinks and giggles, only she decided to make plans with her boyfriend that evening. That actually really hurt me but she doesnt know even 3 years later that it does.

When there is a film we want to see, we'll agree to go together, but she'll always go and see it with someone else first. There was a film I wanted to see, but she didnt, but she went because some guy she's dating wanted to see it. She always seems to have money to see other people, but really for when I see her so we cant do much.

Somedays I just dont feel that important to her anymore, despite the fact she calls me her soul mate, because we've been friends for so long, we are like sisters.

I have a "friend" who does this a lot. So far I've let it slide because, when I do see her, she is a lot of fun. However, it is starting to piss me off a bit.

My advice? Only see her as part of a big group. Then when she does cancel, it won't affect your plans.

I also had this with a close friend. It wasn't so much about the plans being spoiled, as I am very busy anyway, it was more about the hurt that I was prioritising her more than she was prioritising me. She also goes on a lot of group nights out, never invites me and we meet just the two of us. I don't know why as she has incorporated other outsider fronds into the social nights out!

I had a close friend who did this. I remember looking back at texts and it was just a cycle of me suggesting plans and her either not being able to make it or agreeing and then cancelling at the last minute. I made a decision to make one more arrangement and see what happened. Inevitably she cancelled at the last minute and I decided to wait for her to contact me. I haven't met up with her for 18 months! I miss her but I'm not prepared anymore to repeatedly be told I am not a priority