Is he being U? I don't think so.

[ApostrophesMatter]

Close friend's father (in his 90s) has just decided to go into a nursing home. Mentally he's fine but physically he's become very frail and doesn't want to "be a burden".

My friend (only child) is helping him with the arrangements and packing up his home ready for it to be sold. J has decided to make a new will, his old one being 20 years old. Friend is very comfortable as are her children so her father (J) wants to leave what remains of his estate in trust for his great grandchildren to help them with university expenses, for a first car or as a deposit for a home. They will receive the money at age 18.

Unfortunately this has become complicated and is causing some upset in the family. J's granddaughter (B) has been married twice and has 2 DCs from her first marriage and a DC from her second. Her DH has a DC from his first marriage. J has only met his step GGS a few times and hardly knows him. B's husband thinks that his DC should be equally included in the will and has put pressure on B to get her DGF to change his mind.

B is my Goddaughter and we are very close and I have only met her DSS twice. She comes here to visit when he is with his DM.

She feels it's up to her DGF to decide what happens to his money (as do the rest of the family) but her DH is very annoyed and making life difficult for her.

J is adamant that his money goes to his descendants. He feels that the other DC will receive money from his mother's side of the family, quite rightly, and that his money goes to his family.

B says that, knowing her DH's family, it's highly unlikely that they will leave anything to her 2 DCs because they actively avoid seeing them.

Is J being U to not leave his money to a DC who is a virtual stranger?

Just to add while I agree that it's cringe worthy arguing about the estate of a man who isn't even dead yet, I think if the will is contentious (and if the family is complicated it is likely to be) then the arguments are bound to occur whenever the contents of the will are made known - as that is when people feel hurt and upset.

B's husband is being grabby and no-one has a right to dictate what is in anyone else's will, especially not a grandson-in-law. However I do think that when it comes to blended families strong consideration should be given to including the step-children equally with the biological children. My uncle has a step-daughter and when my nana told my mum and I about what she was leaving her grandchildren and great-grandchildren in her will we both suggested that she included her as a grand-child. As far as I know she did include her, but my mum has told me that if she doesn't, my mum will just give her step-niece that amount from her own share and pretend it was left by my nana. Tbf, it's not going to be a huge amount of money, just enough for a holiday or a cheap car - so it will be possible for my mum to just give her that money. But we feel strongly that my step-cousin should get the same as the rest of us. Both for her sake and the sake of my uncle who has raised her like a daughter.

Agree that J can leave his money to whoever he wants. It makes sense that he'd want to leave his money to his descendants rather than an unrelated step great grandchild whom he hardly knows.

Besides which, given the cost of care homes, there might be less left than grabby husband imagines by the time J dies, big house or not.

My husband was a step grandchild although treated like a grandson all his life until the will. His father had died by then and grandma left everything to her daughters...house, contents and probably a sum of money. They didn't even off him to chose anything out of the house and a piece of furniture was his father's. I felt really sad for him. He brushed it off and said well I wasn't her blood grandson. We visited regularly with great grand children.
I don't think J should change his will but the parents or siblings could do something to change that and make sure they all had a lump sum if they want to. This is why people shouldn't say what is in their will beforehand.

If there is a decent sized estate then the he could get a will written up and pay the solicitor to act as executor upon the event of his death. A relation of mine did this and I have to say it made a hard time a little easier because there were no challenges to their wishes as it was all signed in black and white and executed, for a fee, by a stranger to the family.

J sounds a wonderfully generous man.

Bs DH is grabby. If his DC was formally adopted by B he might have a point. It is not Js fault that there is less to inherit from Bs DHs family.

If J was feeling particularly generous he could leave them a token amount, but I wouldnt bother.

We're in a similar position, in my elderly grandmother has recently needed to move where she can get some more support.

I have no idea if I'm in her will. I have no idea if my children are in her will. It's none of my business. It's more important to keep her comfortable and happy and the rental or sale of her house will hopefully provide what the family can't

If his DC was formally adopted by B he might have a point.

I don't think that is necessarily fair. For various reasons step-parent adoption is incredibly difficult to do. Many families live as though a step-child has been adopted by the step-parents desperately wishing that it could actually be the case.

To clear up a few points. DH's DS lives with his DM 70% of the time and spends a lot of time with her family and his grandparents, aunts and uncles on that side. They are not pushed for a bob or two.

They prefer to visit B and her DH when B's older DCs are with their father.

He is nbu. Just tell them it's been split equally. It will be too late when they learn the truth

B's dh should go fuck himself. Selfish prick.