AIBU to think this is not PND?

[puglife15]

I have a 4 month old bottle refusing, sleep regressing, nap resistant, overtired clingy screaming reflux baby, and a preschooler struggling to deal with said baby and acting up a lot. I have no friends or family who can help.

I'm exhausted, sometimes a bit tearful, a bit snappy, DH does what he can but is at work a lot. I called the HV and they suggested I needed to see the GP, and DH says he's worried about me.

But I don't think I'm depressed, I am just bloody knackered and frustrated and feel like I could really do with some practical help and support during this difficult stage which a GP can't help me with. Not really sure the HV can either tbh.

I think you know if the exhaustion is understandable from tiredness/life or if its something more than that. Ironically it wasn't until ds started sleeping better that I realised how depressed I had been! In reality it sounds like it doesn't matter what they label it what matters is what support you can get to improve situation. Does your preschooler have any friends who could look after him/her one afternoon a week so you had a day to focus on baby and you sleep when they sleep etc? Or at weekends can you make sure dh steps up so you get proper lie ins and chance to rest and recover in preparation for the week ahead? It will get easier- is baby on reflux medication as getting on top of that could be a starting point?

Thanks, DC1 actually goes to preschool 2 days a week so I do get some time just with baby but difficult for me to get more sleep as baby won't do lying down feeding and seems to hate napping full stop at the moment, even in the sling. He's not going to sleep until gone 9 most nights so by the time I've eaten, tidied a bit and decompressed for bed it's 10.30.

I booked to see GP re reflux today but that's weeks away, it seemed improved tbh so no treatment / meds right now but has massively worsened the past few weeks. We are seeing an osteopath.

DH does give me a lie in or a nap at the weekend but I feel like I need a bit of time off from the children tbh, not just an extra hour's sleep. Maybe I'm expecting too much. Also conscious he needs some downtime too. The worst time of day seems to be between about 4.30-7, both kids are tired, trying to do bedtime routine for one while the other screams etc, house is a shit tip by then with toys and washing up everywhere, but getting help for that time of day seems impossible.

Are you in an area that does Homestart? My Homestart volunteer helped so much - they come every week for about three hours and can babysit while you nap or even go out, or can take your baby/kids out for a walk to give you a bit of downtime. I actually tended to do stuff with my volunteer, like go shopping, because I had some mobility issues after my DS was born as well as PND, but you don't have to do that. You can self refer or the GP/HV can refer you. The volunteers are trained and DBS checked, so perfectly safe.

I second the Home-Start suggestion!

I hear you. Getting some sleep and a break from the children will help you see whether it is more than exhaustion. You yourself say you need a break - it's not expecting too much but it can be hard to come by. Look into home start as pp suggested, then babysitters, even just so you can go for a nap while oldest is in preschool.
I am past this stage but still have times of exhaustion and am always so much more able when I have had a good sleep and time alone. I suspect many do get told its PND and I do think that's probably under diagnosed but that doesn't mean it's what you are experiencing.

Hello, I just wanted to say I am in a similar position. I have a 4 year old pre schooler and a 6 week old baby. We don't have reflux but I am generally finding it hard to meet both of their needs at the same time. My dd1 goes to preschool 2 days a week but that ends next week for the summer so god only knows how we are going to get through 6 weeks! I feel I'm pushing dd1 out a bit and I don't mean too but the baby is taking all my time. Baby is being ebf as I was combi feeding but she was screaming in pain with wind. Now much happier on breast milk but this just takes me away from dd1 a lot. My partner also works a hell of a lot. Sometimes I actually can't wait to go back to work which will be January.

Thanks for the replies. I'll have to ask about Homestart. Hoping to speak to HV again today.

Glittered sorry you're feeling the same. Hope things get better for you. For me I felt they got easier around 8 weeks until a few weeks ago when this sleep regression hit, it's very up and down!

All I know is it will be better as they get older. I'm done now going to have 6 week postnatal check tomorow and I'll be going on the pill xxx

I'm in a similar position to you with a 4 month old and a nearly 3 year old! With DS1 I felt like you, tearing my hair out and crying/ screaming with frustration. I didn't feel depressed as such but have read a lot since about post natal anxiety which seemed to fit my symptoms.
I had been fine following DS2, but Last week DS1 had chicken pox so we were all stuck indoors for a week. This seems to have brought it all out again so I have made a doctors appointment. Can you see the doc at the same time as your DC to discuss it?

Oh and my least favourite time of day is always late afternoon into evening. Dd1 running around refusing to get ready for bath and baby screaming and clingy (don't blame her really) house is a mess and we are lucky if I managed to do anything half decent for dinner. How do people with even more kids do this?

Op if you live anywhere near me I say let's leave the kids with partners and go out and get drunk! I don't really drink but these kids are making me want to

Ha sounds great Glittered! DH brought me up a G&T while i was feeding baby after one particularly hard day, he knows me well.

Oh, and we've started eating tea at the same time as DS1, at least that way if bedtime is awkward we've already eaten. I've found that really helps during the week.

Yeah I've done that a few times Mag, and we do it most weekends, it does help. DH isn't home in time during the week so I like to wait for him most nights.

This won't help you right now but I have kids of similar ages and when DS got to about 6 months and learned to sit up it became so much easier because he suddenly got a lot more chilled out, happy to sit and play with toys while I watched a bit of TV with DD or gave her a bath. Up until then, like you said, the couple of hours at the end of the day were a nightmare but after 6 months they became much calmer. Also helped when he started weaning, having set mealtimes for him meant he wasn't randomly hungry and screaming any more. So hang in there, it does get better

You might be a bit depressed but it's all so chicken and egg with a "difficult" baby and toddler jealous of the new sibling taking up your time, it's hard to work out what's causing what. Dealing with all of that with no help from family made me really pissed off with my lot and tearful too. Maybe not what you want to hear but everything started to get better at 9 1/2 - 10 months when the reflux improved, baby finally accepted a bottle and felt able to sleep independently rather than having to cosleep with us. That all coincided with me finding a student nanny who needed a work placement and that definitely took a lot of pressure off me as she turned out to be lovely. All down to a notice up at the baby clinic one time. Can you worry less about the house and let your standards slide for now to just achieving clean clothes and some food on the table and get your husband to pick up the slack there when he's about. This home start volunteer sounds a potential godsend if you can get one. Good luck, it does get better I promise.