To think snapping and constant interrupting is a form of getting the upper hand?

[FionaThePrincess]

I'm at home today, my husband is at work. There was something wrong with our dog when I was out walking him and I wanted husband's opinion. I sent a text asking him to call me. It's his lunch break so I knew I wasn't interrupting work. He phoned me:

Him (snappy arrogant impatient tone): What's up?
Me: I think there's something up with the dog-
Him (interrupting before I can finish the sentence - still snappy) Get him to the vet then
Me: Hang on, can I tell you what's happened first.

As I tell him what happened with the dog; he constantly interrupted me, snapping questions without giving me chance to finish what I was saying.

He later texted me, making it all about him: "Look at it from my point of view. You text saying to call you; I'm not there to make a decision"

Well how the fuck else am I meant to tell him about it? Mind control?

He does this a lot. I have to be really skilled at presenting information to him in a certain way or he flips. I'm sure it's a way of him showing he's in charge, or a way of getting the upper hand (despite the situation just calling for a bit of support and his opinion) or he's just a plain old bully.

Just as a background and so as not to drip feed, if I dare to interrupt him or ask him something he doesn't like or want to do, then he always snaps in response. There is no reasonable polite discussion.

AIBU or is he?

What's he like otherwise?

Fussy, perfectionist, negative, grumpy, gloomy. Supportive, great when I've been ill. When he's not being fussy/negative/snappy, etc., he's very good company.

No, I don't feel the need to run every minutiae of life past him - just the things that affect both of us or things from past experience I know he'd want to know about. If I HADN'T told him about the dog yesterday, he would have been annoyed and want to know why I waited until the evening to tell him.

On the other hand, he tells me every little detail of his life, from what people said at work and the complex details of projects he's working on, to what he's planning on eating and small items he might buy such as a magazine.

And he's very keen to control a conversation and will snap or walk off or end the conversation if I say something he doesn't like.

Oh yes, this too. He quite often does an irritable walk out of the room.

Have you said "can you tell me why you are so snappy and irritable all the time?"

I've asked him a few times why he's responded irritably to a polite question/statement, and he always says something like I'm pressuring him, or he denies he was irritable, or he says he was busy.

Have you ever done the same to him? Hard as It sounds to understand, maybe he doesn't realise he's doing it. Perhaps if you were like this for a bit, he would

Can you express your needs first OP ?

In the text. I'm a bit worried about the dog. Pls can you call when you have a minute I want to run it past you?

Scenario 2. I need to know when to start dinner. When do you want to take the dog out?

Assume all your conversations aren't about the dog?

Thanks for those suggestions - they're good ones.

No, not all the conversations are about the dog. It must seem that way! They were the most recent examples I thought of - we've only had the dog a couple of months.

"Don't speak to me like that."

I use this any time anyone speaks to me with disrespect.