should i have talked to parents before the school?

[FlemCandango]

I have already emailed the school so I am really thinking about whether I should have held off or if I should talk to the parents now or at all. Anyway I need to explain.

My dd1 is 10 and in y5 and has been diagnosed as High Functioning ASD. She walks home from school alone but calls me on her mobile (a very cheap one) and talks to me for the duration of the 10 min walk. Before Xmas I was meeting her from school most days which was difficult as I need to meet dd2 at a different school at roughly the same time. This phone call solution has had its problems when her phone was lost or left at him or ran out of charge but we have made it work well on the whole.

Today though I heard a group of girls tease and taunt dd while she was on the phone to me. They accused her of pretending to talk to someone, said they would punch her if she didn't show them the phone and were mocking her frustrated reaction. DD was very clear that she wanted them to leave her alone and they didn't. And I heard it all. I also know the mum's of two of the girls involved quite well and I think they would be horrified at least I hope so.

I have spoken to dd and she is ok, but I am concerned that she already finds the walk home difficult she needs the safety net of being able to talk to me and this is going to add to her feelings of self consciousness and difference. She cant understand why they couldn't just leave her alone, the girls should have respected her requests and they have all known her since they were little. One of them went to dds 5th birthday party

I immediately emailed the school and have asked them to speak to the school outlining what I had heard and asking them to speak to the girls as dd is vulnerable and needs support. I have been measured and calm but firm and i am not asking for punishment or anything extreme.

I am wondering what to say to the mothers I know if I should leave it to the school to deal with. I hate difficult conversations but I do think that they would probably want to know. It is hard, dd is my priority and I want to protect her. But I know worse happens it was just awful hearing it all and not being there physically. What should I do?

If my daughter was involved with behaviour like that I would be horrified and would want to know. Are they generally decent people? Hopefully it will be a good life lesson for the girls involved. I hope your daughter gets to the end is term without any further issues

Hopefully it was a one off. I have a Ds with HFA, he tends to be involved in lots of 'one offs'. He would be fine too if it wasn't for other children!

I hope your school treat it in line with their bullying policies

Well I did meet dd today but she says she will be fine walking without me in future. The 3 girls apologised today and dd said she had "three new friends" now, dd is a very sweet natured and forgiving girl.

I now what you mean claw - I think it is just another 'one off' and there will be other incidents like this with other children but I will always ensure dd feels supported and has people to talk too.

I am still not sure what to say to the mum I know quite well, it will be awkward. But so is avoiding her for the next decade.

No need to say anything. School should have told her about the incident. If they did, then she should be approaching you. If not, then school dealt with it.

I just want to add that talking to the parents is not always a bad idea. My friend's son was being teased and bullied by a boy in his class and the school was ineffectual at dealing with the problem. My friend had had enough, so she phoned the parents, whom she had never met.

They apologised profusely and promised that their son would NEVER bother her son again. He never did!

As a parent i would like to be informed if my DC acted like little shits before public shaming at school or else.
On the other hand school should be doing more to raise awareness about vulnerable children and bullying.